An abnormal feeling...:/

[Enduronman]

Dear AF friends, member, lurkers, bro's....

Obviously I have some "physical limitations" now. That's what my Government calls them at least and are gauged by severity of course.

Sometimes, I wish I was missing a limb or two, so this long drawn out court (stall) would be over with at the hearing..

It wasn't and it still isn't. I was ruled "Unfavorable" because of a clerical error in my medical records. A sentence, that was obviously, out of place.

It said (generally) that I was fine, in great health, perfectly fit, although I was laying on the floor looking like I had cerebral palsy.

That really isn't the point in this new thread however, it is because of the fact that "I got my ass kicked, by my car"....

This abnormal feeling, is very rare but I do get them when I try to go upstairs yet I try to avoid that to begin with.

I had always been able to figure out what was wrong, and fix whatever was wrong, with my own cars, trucks, anything. Not this time.

The problem requires laying on the ground, twisting my head and body, to view and find the issues under the dash in the wiring.

I couldn't even turn or contort my body, let alone my head because of this neck/spinal issue...My car is still without lights, and it will have to go to a mechanic..................(sigh).

This has been bothering me for at least a couple of hours. I have never had been beaten, by the malfunctions of a car.

It isn't the cost of the repairs, I have faith in the repair shop that is going to trace this bad wire, it is the "principal" of why it must now go there.

I was once very capable, very flexible, very able in making this repair and virtually any other one that these cars/trucks presented me.

Last time I felt like "this" was when I tried to take a chainsaw apart so that I could put the motor on my Son's scooter..couldn't even do that.

I don't feel depressed, I feel repressed..held back, denied, unapproved, incapable, somewhat like a failure and I don't live by nor use that word at all...

When I get like this, it then turns to anger of which I'm trying to maintain control over, because as of this minute I wish to go outside and flip that car over.

I also recall that I and one other used to be able to lift the back of small cars up, and scoot them over to lightly touching the one next to it,,.....

And wait until the people came out to get into their cars to head home,..we were lurkers too, just in a different way.

We would laugh at their expressions, looks, bewilderment, dismay...Like, Um..did I do this?......those were the days, not long ago..

Cheerful eludes me at the moment, even though I just tried to snap myself out of it above....didn't work, it made it even worse......

I'll be fine in a little bit, I'm sure...Gotta pull myself back up, just like I've had to 5000 times before. Their just all "unique" in some way..


Thinking of you all and your struggles too.


Enduronman :)

[artaud]

I'm not going to contradict you, at least not now ;-)

But your diseases and disorders which are unknown to me must be a bitch. Yet even in their absence, at 46, age starts to take a nasty toll.

I've been in heavy industry for over 20 years now, people that would float about in their comparative youth years ago I now see walking around like Quasi Motto. It's tragic, corruption of the body, stiffening of the limbs, wearing of the cartilage. Out go the old men and in come the new. Industry sees employees as numbers; ergonomic improvements, elevators (I had to walk up and down day in and day out well over 80 steps each time I ventured into the field), and other improvements that would help preserve the human form over the years are woefully missing.

Largely into paperwork now, I had the occasion recently to be in the field for a week and a half. I was off Thurs thru Sunday last week, by Saturday my back seized up and I could barely stand, even turning in bed was insurmountable. Finally the bugger let go and I'm back in the form one would expect after 20 years in heavy industry.

Fortunately you've cultivated a rapport with people, I delight in reading your comments, and you have been gifted with a well reasoned intellect.

I wish you the best for this current bump in the road and the hills and mountains that have been or are still to be encountered.

[Enduronman]

Masterfully crafted, skillfully worded from the first line (of which you knew would make me chuckle and potentially revive me and lift me up from this misery of only, hell in my mind), and you truly are an Artaud, I must say..

I appreciate this, more than you know or what my words can express at the moment..

I'm still contemplating yet another member's story. presentation, draft of yet again, perfectly created form in type set words and sentences...Not too much, not too little, DorrieGirl.

Both of these works, are moving, and make me realize that we're all in this struggle together, regardless of "rarity" of symptom...unique to each of us, but yet, often repeated with a tiny miniscule variable, of one's own life or lives.

I like that, "current bump in the road", although it seems that this entire existence has been nothing but teeth jarring and chattering instances..it is just that, a bump. Boink!

Holy s**t where did all that garble blurble come from????...Snap out of it Chris!!! (shaking my head and now standing to spin around in circles until I vomit)..which was fun during T ball..

Spin around with your forehead on the bat 10 times and then run to first base. I wanna do that right now!!!...

Thank you Artaud. The "car" issue has been minimized to exactly what it needed to be compressed into, a "car" issue only...I will pay the mechanic, gladfully and greatfully. (disconnect myself from that issue, ordeal, event, circumstance, feeling,...done)...YAY!!! I'm out! I am free again!!!

Me, gifted?.. Look in the mirror friend. Gifted. Talented. Use it wisely,..oh wait, you already do.

Look forward to tomorrow, have hope for the future. That is all we can really do anyway....

E-Man. :)