robotcat
12-19-2013, 04:08 AM
Hi everyone. I was hoping to make this short, but I'm not sure that can be done at this point :P
12 years ago I was diagnosed with GAD. It was really rough. I've been reading through a lot of posts on here, and my anxiety seems to be a little different than most. Or maybe not? You tell me.
When it first hit me I had a massive panic attack, "I'm going to die" etc. After that I became near catatonic, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I lost 12 pounds in two weeks. All I could/would do all day is sit on the couch and stare at the TV. Not because I wanted to watch it, but because I needed the distraction from the thoughts in my head. At that time I mostly worried I was going to lose control of my body, or die. I didn't feel like myself, and common everyday things became impossible. I had suicidal thoughts. My emotions pretty much completely shut off, and it was like I was watching a first person video of my life.
Anyway, I got on zoloft, went to a therapist and eventually started to feel like my self again. Since then, I have been on wellbutrin and most recently Effexor.
Fast forward to now. I have been off effexor for 16 months, no problems, no withdrawal. Happy as a clam. 8 months ago I moved to a different country. Still happy.
Three weeks ago, my anxiety came back and hit me like a load of bricks. I can't really figure out the trigger, or if there even is one. I couldn't sleep, I kept obsessing about my heart beat, then I was going to die, then I was going to lose control of my mind and body, then I became terrified of suicide, hopeless, etc. Worry worry worry nonstop. I don't really have a social phobia of any kind, which is why my anxiety seems so weird to me.
I went to an international clinic because I stopped eating and could barely function. I must have looked like a mess because he put me on 75mg Venlafaxine and 2 .5mg Klonopin daily. Then I started reading about the high suicide rate with effexor and scared the crap out of myself, even though I'd been on it for years with no problems. Then I decided not to take the klonopin because I was worried I would be come dependent. Anyway, I am on my 6th day of effexor and I can say I'm worlds different from last week. I think I was hoping it would be like a magic pill though, even though I know it isn't.
So whenever I have any anxiety now I freak out that it's not working. Uugggghhhhhh I just want to feel like myself again. I need to stop reading effexor reviews because meds are different for everyone, and all they are doing are scaring me.
I'm sorry this is so long, I think it just helped me to type it all out. I'm pretty much alone here, and have no one to talk to that understands. I'm trying to be strong and work through it because I know it will get better. Mornings are the worst. I usually wake up overcome with some stupid worry or fear (this will never end/I'm losing control etc), then once I get up it gets better, it for some reason gets worse around 2-5pm, then better again.
When I ask myself "What's wrong?" all I could think was, "I don't feel good," or "I don't feel right."
Thank you to anyone who read through this. Has anyone else had that fear like they are going to lose control of their body or mind?
12 years ago I was diagnosed with GAD. It was really rough. I've been reading through a lot of posts on here, and my anxiety seems to be a little different than most. Or maybe not? You tell me.
When it first hit me I had a massive panic attack, "I'm going to die" etc. After that I became near catatonic, I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, I lost 12 pounds in two weeks. All I could/would do all day is sit on the couch and stare at the TV. Not because I wanted to watch it, but because I needed the distraction from the thoughts in my head. At that time I mostly worried I was going to lose control of my body, or die. I didn't feel like myself, and common everyday things became impossible. I had suicidal thoughts. My emotions pretty much completely shut off, and it was like I was watching a first person video of my life.
Anyway, I got on zoloft, went to a therapist and eventually started to feel like my self again. Since then, I have been on wellbutrin and most recently Effexor.
Fast forward to now. I have been off effexor for 16 months, no problems, no withdrawal. Happy as a clam. 8 months ago I moved to a different country. Still happy.
Three weeks ago, my anxiety came back and hit me like a load of bricks. I can't really figure out the trigger, or if there even is one. I couldn't sleep, I kept obsessing about my heart beat, then I was going to die, then I was going to lose control of my mind and body, then I became terrified of suicide, hopeless, etc. Worry worry worry nonstop. I don't really have a social phobia of any kind, which is why my anxiety seems so weird to me.
I went to an international clinic because I stopped eating and could barely function. I must have looked like a mess because he put me on 75mg Venlafaxine and 2 .5mg Klonopin daily. Then I started reading about the high suicide rate with effexor and scared the crap out of myself, even though I'd been on it for years with no problems. Then I decided not to take the klonopin because I was worried I would be come dependent. Anyway, I am on my 6th day of effexor and I can say I'm worlds different from last week. I think I was hoping it would be like a magic pill though, even though I know it isn't.
So whenever I have any anxiety now I freak out that it's not working. Uugggghhhhhh I just want to feel like myself again. I need to stop reading effexor reviews because meds are different for everyone, and all they are doing are scaring me.
I'm sorry this is so long, I think it just helped me to type it all out. I'm pretty much alone here, and have no one to talk to that understands. I'm trying to be strong and work through it because I know it will get better. Mornings are the worst. I usually wake up overcome with some stupid worry or fear (this will never end/I'm losing control etc), then once I get up it gets better, it for some reason gets worse around 2-5pm, then better again.
When I ask myself "What's wrong?" all I could think was, "I don't feel good," or "I don't feel right."
Thank you to anyone who read through this. Has anyone else had that fear like they are going to lose control of their body or mind?