Hi new here

[iwantpeace]

I have suffered bouts of anxiety here and there for years. Most of it situational. Currently remarried have been for 4 years, my kids are grown husband's kids teens. Have had many problems with them, but mainly the problems are just with the oldest teen, who seems hostile most visits.

Just had another visit a week ago and I am left feeling anxious again as the visit did not go well and he rowed with his father. Said he isn't returning. I feel anxious though. I don't like the unpleasantness, it affects my sleep and my daytime routine (after the visit) as I tend to ruminate.

[Enduronman]

Why or why not does your husband handle this issue in the manner that he does?...

He seems to leave you reeling, by what? His inactions? His overeactions?...

How old is this teen?....

[kayleigh88]

have awful anxiety. Everyday it's there but I can push it to one side and get on with life but once it's been so bad that it causes a panic attack I will literally take weeks to get over it. I constantly feel like I'm going to die no matter how much reasoning I try. My anxiety symptoms change and become more aggressive as time goes on. At the moment I'm having neckache, slight dizziness, pains on and off everywhere, achy arms, twitches, chills, sickness, intergestion, lose of appetite and fluid intake. I now also think that I have a lump on my neck although after self examination lol it is no different to the other side of my neck just a little more sensitive (this could be due to the fact that I realised my pulse was there last night causing me to panic) I also become obsessed with checking areas of my body that are causing me discomfort which in turn does actually cause them to hurt due to the prodding that I do. I'm guessing that the dizziness and sickness is due to the lack of food or drink in my system which is also the reason I feel sick and am stupidly tired. Really wish people understood were I was coming from and that I actually believed that this is all in my head which I find difficult to do even though when the anxiety goes so do the aches and pains. Spose having high anxiety for 2 weeks straight will do this to you. 😁

[Enduronman]

Oh and welcome too friends!!! :)

[iwantpeace]

Enduronman - husband is getting better but but for couple of years he did not notice that they would not acknowledge me, or he would make excuses. This time the 18 yr old was very rude to husband and he tackled it but I get anxious when there are long silences - ie the kid went in a huff. (This is a throwback to the end of my 1st marriage where silence meant huge irrational arguments/rants coming from 1st husband.) So I cannot stand this type of atmosphere.

I want everyone to get along, 18 yo has never accepted me (younger boy has) 18 yo is hostile even towards his father. It is like he is permanently angry when he visits and the slightest thing ie even my husband saying you should offer other people a drink send him int a strop.

I am not afraid of him, I just do not like the hostility as it sets off my anxiety. I couldn't finish my evening meal as my appetite went dead when teen started arguing with his father. It's like I have to feel ready to do something, difficult to explain, to defend myself. I got to my feet and told 18 yo "Don't."

If he returns (he says he does not intend to) then I am going to check into a hotel, I want a quiet life.

[Enduronman]

hmm...(must tap into 18 yr old boy's mind)....Connected.
1. 18 yr old Man, is now an adult, in America anyway.
2. Why force the 18 yr old to do anything that he obviously doesn't want to do, especially if always combative towards you and disrespects his Father?
3. An 18 yr old Man wants his own Independence, why make him feel like a "kid" still?
4. If my 18 yr old Son.....nevermind.
5. He hasn't accepted you in 4 years, he has resentment stored, and there is no way to remove it either until HE decides too.
6. He may not even be mad at either of you directly, he's just mad that his Mother and Father aren't the family that he once had.
7. The two boys, have a different personality and they'll never accept you the same, plus their ages play a role too.
8. Your choice to stand up and be ready for a retaliatory strike, may actually be making this issue abit tougher to deal with. This may be the time to play opossum and let their biological parent to deal with it, Father deals with Son, especially when it involves these types of aggressive behaviors. IMHO.
9. Not sure if you getting a hotel room while his Son visits is all that good of an idea either, because it exaggerates the fact that you don't "like" him either, and will also bring the issues back into your own home when you return and he is gone. It'll spark animosity between you and your husband, in the future.
10. My suggestion? Do not ask him back, no reason too, until HE wants to come back. No reason to subject everyone to something that no one wants to be doing.

What would be the point in that?

He wants his freedom, cut the leash, and give it to him...then let him "figure it all out" rather than you.

E-man.

[iwantpeace]

Enduron

I agree with all you have said.

Point 8) was an auto response to the stress.

But yes I do agree he shouldn't come if he doesn't want to.

[Enduronman]

Yes, auto response...I get that more than you know friend!!! If anyone is more "apt" to jump up, that would be me!...

Just relax if and when he does approach again, even if he's acting like an idiot. Ignore him, and that will make him feel like the idiot as he behaves (reverse psychology) :)