social anxiety [Archive] - Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks

Ponder

12-16-2013, 03:32 PM

Alita, that is not so rare. In fact it is common for many people to feel that way when someone comes over to their house. Its the extent to which it controls you I guess is the factor for some of us. (I panic too :) )

Best thing for me - Is to walk straight up to my door and look the person in the eye. Be assertive but not rude.

As a renter, people will often look down at us - it's like our home is not our home because we do not OWN it. This is having to deal with peoples attitudes. We have a lot of tradespeople that come to our home as well as property managers that will INSPECT and pass a judgement ever so often. People who OWN their homes do not have to go through this demeaning existence and just don't understand how they end up part of the stigma too.

Perhaps my situation is somewhat different to you ... but believe me, when I say that I also panic when I see people entering into OUR property ... our space - our refuge.

Yes it can be hard trying to live in ones own home with so many people banging at the door trying to get in. Hell - we often have families come along walking over ones possessions whilst they wonder if they will be the next ones to move in.

All those power guys rushing on in as if they own the place as well, the gas guys just walking through ones garden without a care - the dog barking at someone whose just come and gone.

People knocking on the door shoving Jesus down your throat.

Some one replies, "hello sir I think you need a dental plan" I' like "sorry don't have a job can't afford it" It replies "everyone can afford a dental plan" I'm now thinking in my head GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BEFORE I STAB YOU TO DEATH!
Arrrrr but why so much hostility Dave. Reality check peoples - when we have to live our lives like this from day to day - then you will understand just how the pressure in ones valve can bring them to quite a thought provoking process.

Another - sorry wrong house.
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How to deal with it - well I wont allow myself to be pacified into some kind of sheep ... I require an Entry notice served within the guide lines set by Law. I learn the law and I make sure others follow it. In turn, real estates will try and make things more difficult, however all you have to do is keep turning up the pressure yourself - eventually they will either let you out of your lease early of they will start doing their jobs properly! Any tradesman that raises his voice, I will warn him not to get aggressive. Basically just pull the old Bureaucratic robot response "srry sir I will have to ask you to leave if you adopt an aggressive tone with me ...." "....srry sir, if you don't leave I will going to call the police ..." This is the best way! - stops me from having to escalate and virtually works every time. Do not engage people who want to argue. However in saying that, look out for those who are pretending to be nice - they will take advantage of you - stick to what you know the law to be.

If you know of when someone is coming around and there is not much you can do about it - ring up your only friend and arrange for them to be there. One time I rang up an advocate because I had no friend to come over and be with me. Having someone else with you, allows you to take control. Very important when people come to your house - you have to be the one in control - never let people intrude (ask for id if you don't know who they are) - they are only in your home because you allow it to be - that is important to remind yourself of that.

Other than the service guys like the electric and gas - which you have to just accept and encourage the ones that show respect and just control the dog on the others ---- everyone else needs your permission or at the very least an entry notice should be given.

Tie the Dog up or put in another room with adequate needs and comfort can help lower the anxiety.
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I go on with this - because its a BIG thing - people walking into another abode! We live in such a disrespectful world. People will light up a smoke without even asking and then proceed to stump it out in your garden. Filthy people with filthy habits. A disrespectful world with insensitive people who only care about their own abode and things. Unfortunately - so many people are scared to stand up for themselves, that many others will prey on just that!

I think I will access a mental health facility in the new town to deals with having a friend - sometimes they refer to them as mentors, however I find that a little too "one above the other" - good for someone young I guess - I just need to find a support person who can help me just by being there with such things. Having that little moral support can make a huge difference to they way things pan - especially with regards to people taking space up in your house!