Hi

[Rhi519]

Hi im Rhiannon, ive been suffering with anxiety on and off for about 10 years but didnt really understand what it was until about 3 years ago. I had it under control until this time 3 years ago when somethin triggered it which im still unclear of. I have had a phobia or eating out since i can remember as when i gt anxious i dont feel hungry and therefore cant eat my meal, this was made worse by the fact that my dad thought i was anorexic when i was 15 as i am naturally thin (this has never been the case). So i got more conscious of needing to eat in front of him to prove that im not. So eating outside of my house is a no go for me. So yeah ive had therapy which helped a little, never had medication as i dont think its for me..ive developed a fear of going out with people who arent my immediate family (mom, stepdad, sister or boyfriend) since i worry i will feel anxious and wont be able to leave easily. This also prevents me from doing anything remotely spontaneous or exciting - and this is frustrating my boyfriend which adds to the pressure.
Joined here to try and get some help and to help others, so say hi if you like!

Rhiannon :)

[jkb]

Hi im Rhiannon, ive been suffering with anxiety on and off for about 10 years but didnt really understand what it was until about 3 years ago. I had it under control until this time 3 years ago when somethin triggered it which im still unclear of. I have had a phobia or eating out since i can remember as when i gt anxious i dont feel hungry and therefore cant eat my meal, this was made worse by the fact that my dad thought i was anorexic when i was 15 as i am naturally thin (this has never been the case). So i got more conscious of needing to eat in front of him to prove that im not. So eating outside of my house is a no go for me. So yeah ive had therapy which helped a little, never had medication as i dont think its for me..ive developed a fear of going out with people who arent my immediate family (mom, stepdad, sister or boyfriend) since i worry i will feel anxious and wont be able to leave easily. This also prevents me from doing anything remotely spontaneous or exciting - and this is frustrating my boyfriend which adds to the pressure.
Joined here to try and get some help and to help others, so say hi if you like!

Rhiannon :)

Hi Rhiannon, glad you came here so you can share with us and us to you, we help each other and it feels great to get it off your chest to people who will understand.

Like you I believe I had anxiety for the past 3 years or so and only till recently knew what it was. This makes me very angry, but at least now we can battle it.

You say you don't take any medication, understandable as meds is not the way I wanted to go but felt it was what I needed right now. So what other ways do you try to condition yourself away from the anxiety? It's very important that you are doing something positive to try and lessen the anxiety.

With your particular case, have you thought about cognitive behavioural therapy? Another person is just starting it here on the forum who has been on meds and they told him he would need to come off the meds to begin it properly to confront the anxiety. Your case sounds to me like this would be hugely beneficial to you personally. It's important that you re-wire your thought processes with food and get back into a positive state with it.

[Rhi519]

Thanks for you reply, i did try and send a massive response to this but it looks like it didnt send so ill try again!
Errm in terms of that im doing to fight against the anxiety, the answer at the moment is not much. Im at a stand still at the moment where although i feel i could be better and i do want to be more "normal", im ok as i am. Im doing well at work and i have managed to learn to deal with my anxiety better, but its just social situations that are a no go for me. For example my boyfriends birthday is just after xmas and he wants me to go paint balling with him and his mates but i wont go as i consider it pressure to have to go somewhere and not be able to leave easily, i cant go places without my car and i have a massive issue with being trapped places (even thought i rarely am) this started when i felt anxious in a lecture 2 years ago at uni, and i couldnt leave easily without walking past the lecturer..so it has snowballed and now i fear any situation where i cant walk out without people noticing as i feel they would think was an idiot. I did biological therapy for about 4 months and as part of this i had to do a task each week which was eating out in a pub or restaurant with my boyfriend or close family (i never progressed outside of this, and thinking about it makes me anxious!) i did this every week for a year and i still hated it so i thought whats the point and gave up. Since i never really felt like the biological therapy had a big effect i think ive lost faith in therapy and thats probably why i havent tried cbt. Ive also had hypnotherapy.
What kind of anxiety do you have and how does it affect you? Do you live in the uk?
Rhiannon

[jkb]

Thanks for you reply, i did try and send a massive response to this but it looks like it didnt send so ill try again!
Errm in terms of that im doing to fight against the anxiety, the answer at the moment is not much. Im at a stand still at the moment where although i feel i could be better and i do want to be more "normal", im ok as i am. Im doing well at work and i have managed to learn to deal with my anxiety better, but its just social situations that are a no go for me. For example my boyfriends birthday is just after xmas and he wants me to go paint balling with him and his mates but i wont go as i consider it pressure to have to go somewhere and not be able to leave easily, i cant go places without my car and i have a massive issue with being trapped places (even thought i rarely am) this started when i felt anxious in a lecture 2 years ago at uni, and i couldnt leave easily without walking past the lecturer..so it has snowballed and now i fear any situation where i cant walk out without people noticing as i feel they would think was an idiot. I did biological therapy for about 4 months and as part of this i had to do a task each week which was eating out in a pub or restaurant with my boyfriend or close family (i never progressed outside of this, and thinking about it makes me anxious!) i did this every week for a year and i still hated it so i thought whats the point and gave up. Since i never really felt like the biological therapy had a big effect i think ive lost faith in therapy and thats probably why i havent tried cbt. Ive also had hypnotherapy.
What kind of anxiety do you have and how does it affect you? Do you live in the uk?
Rhiannon

I understand the thought patterns you have, I also hate being trapped and not being able to do as I pleased when I needed to like feeling uncomfortable and anxious, which does create more activations of anxiety fast!
When you say social situations, so you mean like being around a group, particularly people you might not know so well etc? So it's not only a specific anxiety with food but social anxiety.

Well then Rhiannon it sounds to me like therapy has been useless to you, after a year of trying it and not progressing, that is upsetting. But we need to understand that, we can't have these therapies and even medications and expect them to fully work when we ourselves are not giving into them, and deciding NO I do not want to have this anxiety, THIS IS going to help me embrace the anxiety and then tell it to F^%$& off! If we aren't ready to do it, then we won't accept it and it won't let us improve.
This to me is how people quit smoking (I've quit 4 times now!), I used sheer will power and I am confident that the only way you can quit, is if you WANT to quit. You can't quit just because you think its the right thing to do, if you don't want it, how the hell can you expect to be successful?

It's important that you become confident in yourself enough to say no, I'm going to live the way I want to. Anxiety is an evil thing, it hangs around in your mind like the devil sucking away positive energy and replacing it with negativity. Whenever you reach any positivity, you need to make sure that you grab it by the balls as it were, and ride that wave of positive energy and feelings for as long as possible. It boosts your confidence in reaching your goals. Things like you encountered a social anxious moment, perhaps through it you were in an awful state of stress, but guess what you came through it at the end, wow that is a breakthrough, this is an example, identify these moments, start to focus on positive results, not the negative ones, don't feel guilty about times when the anxiety breaks you down, FORGET IT, move on! Time to find that new reason to be positive, that negativity never even existed!

In all honesty I hope you will consider medication. I am feeling the benefits after 4 days. For a lot this is not the case, though, it can take time. I am not suffering from social anxieties per say, I have had slight occasions but I can just about break through them, its one of the worst feelings though because it makes you terrified about just being around people or in situations, which is just debilitating and the anxiety about it doing that to you is the vicious cycle! I think you would do well to just speak to a doctor and advise them that therapy has been tried, and did not aid you.

I don't know what "kind" of anxiety I have Rhi, its a mixture of all sorts really, I think I personally find life difficult to cope with when there's too many things I need to be thinking about, I'm someone who pushes worries to the back of the mind, keeps them there, so they settle in my unconscious and are not dealt with by my conscious mind, this is such a fatal error and causes anxiety to build and build before you just pop and have a panic attack, a few of which I have had in recent months! I do live in the UK yes, up north, yourself?

[Rhi519]

I agree with what you say about how it wont work unless i want it to etc. i do genuinely feel like i want to change, but i was so disheartened when i went to therapy and it wasnt successful and i suppose i pinned all my hopes on that, and thought that it would be the answer and i would get better from it. Perhaps it wasnt successful since it wasnt specifically cbt and this may help me more. I am a very negative person, i will always see the worst in situations, for example if i went out for a meal i wouldnt think id done well and just be pleased with myself, i would be annoyed for being worried before hand or frustrated that i still found it hard. This is definitely something i need to work on, but its so hard to change the way you think about things! When i was younger and had anxiety that was purely linked to eating out So if i didnt eat out then i was fine, which led to me avoiding eating out at restaurants or friends houses etc, although this wasnt ideal it was so much better than it is now as i was able to go out with friends and do new things. I didnt have the fear of being trapped then, since i had the bad episode about 3 years ago its like my brain has given the anxiety access to all areas of my life and i have avoided situations that may cause even the slightest bit of discomfort-which may lead to anxiety, and obviously avoiding things is not the answer as they get blown out of proportion and so the fear has grown. I know 100% that these fears are irrational and that it is all in my head, i just cant seem to overcome them. I have such an amazingly supportive family and boyfriend which is great but i feel i let them, down by not improving, i worry that im holding my boyfriend back as we are so restricted by my anxiety and fears - we cant eat out or go on holiday or do normal things, this adds to the pressure i put on my self which doesnt help things!

You seem very with it and grounded to me, and the advice you give is very helpful so thanks for that. Id like to return the favour and make you feel better! It does make a difference speaking to people who understand the situations and feelings etc. Have you ever tried rescue remedy? Yep im in the uk, in the midlands.

[jkb]

I agree with what you say about how it wont work unless i want it to etc. i do genuinely feel like i want to change, but i was so disheartened when i went to therapy and it wasnt successful and i suppose i pinned all my hopes on that, and thought that it would be the answer and i would get better from it. Perhaps it wasnt successful since it wasnt specifically cbt and this may help me more. I am a very negative person, i will always see the worst in situations, for example if i went out for a meal i wouldnt think id done well and just be pleased with myself, i would be annoyed for being worried before hand or frustrated that i still found it hard. This is definitely something i need to work on, but its so hard to change the way you think about things! When i was younger and had anxiety that was purely linked to eating out So if i didnt eat out then i was fine, which led to me avoiding eating out at restaurants or friends houses etc, although this wasnt ideal it was so much better than it is now as i was able to go out with friends and do new things. I didnt have the fear of being trapped then, since i had the bad episode about 3 years ago its like my brain has given the anxiety access to all areas of my life and i have avoided situations that may cause even the slightest bit of discomfort-which may lead to anxiety, and obviously avoiding things is not the answer as they get blown out of proportion and so the fear has grown. I know 100% that these fears are irrational and that it is all in my head, i just cant seem to overcome them. I have such an amazingly supportive family and boyfriend which is great but i feel i let them, down by not improving, i worry that im holding my boyfriend back as we are so restricted by my anxiety and fears - we cant eat out or go on holiday or do normal things, this adds to the pressure i put on my self which doesnt help things!

You seem very with it and grounded to me, and the advice you give is very helpful so thanks for that. Id like to return the favour and make you feel better! It does make a difference speaking to people who understand the situations and feelings etc. Have you ever tried rescue remedy? Yep im in the uk, in the midlands.

There is a difference though between wanting to change, and finding it in yourself to START the change. Very different things, and the latter requires a form of confidence from within. Yes definitely work on that negativity, living with anxiety is a constant battle with that, as long as you keep this one tip in your mind; whenever something good just happened, FILL YOUR BOOTS with positivity. I mean literally anything. Today I was out in the shops and visiting a relative, this is simple every day normal things, but I went ahead and filled my boots full of positivity because of doing it, I got all cocky and chuffed to bits about it, haha you just need to do that!

"The bad episode" is when you felt trapped in your lesson, right? Socially awkward situation when you stand up you know everyones looking at you? Yeah, thats the kind of thing that comes around in my head, luckily for me in those situations I have often been the kind of person to stand up first before anyone else does and be LOUD. It's fake confidence, but it works, because it settles me and my nerves.
I would recommend taking it upon yourself to push yourself slowly. Eat a banana in the street. Buy a snack from a Greggs in the city centre and eat it there. Buy a takeaway from inside a shop, take it home and eat it. I think you just need to think of inventive ways to involve food again with places other than your home. Start low, but keep a record in your mind about hitting slightly more difficult goals each week. It would help you massively.

You are welcome. Helping you helps me, tbh! The more I use this part of me that uses common sense and science, the more I enable that part of me to take back control. I'm not saying you or anyone don't have common sense or anything but I'm sure you know what I mean, anxiety overtakes that part of our brain, it overthinks for us and creates worry from nowhere.
I haven't tried that exactly, but I did try something similar, basically a cheaper version I think, it was a flowery spray under the tongue. It did nothing for me when I tried it, couple years back. You had much success with that?

What are your thoughts on trying medication Rhi? I really think we'll get somewhere.

[AmberGbenga]

I agree, you need to do something with the thoughts that it needs to be fixed! You want this to go away. The more you do something you fear, the smaller it becomes.