My anxiety Diary

[peza2013]

I hope nobody minds, but i would like to start a daily diary on here, so I can just get down my thoughts and feelings in one place.



15/12/2013

5 Months of suffering with anxiety.
Day 5 of citralopram.


Woke up feeling terrible. The side effects of citralopram have been with me since day 1. feeling pretty sick, and very low today. Yesterday was a day full of anxiety, made worse by the fact I slept really badly. I have suffered with night terrors, and rubbish sleeping for most of my life. So today, as mentioned I woke up feeling terrible, feeling sick, chest pains, the works. Managed to ease that a little by distracting myself for a short while by getting up and going downstairs for a while.

Soon realised I couldnt handle "joining in" with the world today and have took myself back up to bed with a cup of tea, and Im just gonna stay here and watch films for the day.

I feel very low, as to be expected with the medication, Ive read online that it can take anywhere between two weeks and 2 months for the medication to start helping at all.. I really hope its two weeks as this isnt fun.

Work tomorrow including a access platform training day. Im not worried about it in the slightest, I just need to get a good sleep tonight to ease the pressure of an early start tomorrow. Debating taking a Propanolol tablet tomorrow, but dont know how it will react with my other medication.

Tomorrow is another day.

[Enduronman]

Excellent idea!

and yes, take the propanolol...they work in different areas, yer fine. :)

[NeverToo...Fear]

A diary idea is great, Peza ! It really helps to just write it all out.

Hopefully the films you will be watching are good! :)

[Lee Grant Irons]

One problem with doing this on a forum is that you can't download it into a text file. So if you ever go anywhere else, you can't take it with you. Or if you ever want to write a memoir someday, you don't have ready access to all of your previously written material. So whatever you write on here, you should immediately copy it into a separate word processor file. You can then take you diary with you to any therapy sessions you might be having.

[peza2013]

16/12/2013
Day 6 Of Citalopram.


What a good day!! slept well last night, managed to kick myself out of bed at 6:30am which is early for me.
went off to do a cherry picker training course. It was great to have a new distraction for the day. Despite being in a fail or pass type scenario I felt good today. I passed with top marks and only found anxiety creeping in a couple of times! I think the only times it kicked in was when I was assesing how I was feeling, which has been a big problem of mine over the past few months. Constantly asking myself how I feel, and being far to aware of my own body.

It dawned on me today that I have been living life too quickly, not really putting aside time to just relax. My normal weekdays used to consist of finishing work around 5pm, and I would feel rushed to get home and eat, then get out to one of numerous places I "had" to be. Thats it now for this week, cleared my diary and im just going to spend my evenings relaxing. Im a big music fan and create my own at home so will spending time doing that.

What i did notice today was a strange ache in my back, it feels like theres bubbles stuck in my back! could well be to do with wearing a not very comfortable full body harness all day, or perhaps it has something to do with the fact I've had bad heartburn and acid for the past couple of days!... I dont know, and who cares? right... ive had aches and pains and random feelings all of my life and its only with my STUPID anxiety that i've even cared to notice them.

Also the citalopram side effects are slowly easing. Felt far less sick today than I have since I started, but I have been incredibly hungry all day!! I have a decent enough BMI to be able to pig out for a while if I want without getting too fat! haha.

Today was a good day, and I will MAKE tomorrow a good day.

[Enduronman]

Success!

Yes, increased appetite seems pretty common. MUST AVOID CAKE>

:)

[peza2013]

17/12/13
Day 7 Of Citalopram.


So today was an OK day. Not amazing, but not bad either and that is fine with me.
Day started well, despite sleeping badly. Lovely winters sun this morning!
went off to work which was all fine, during work I did a fair bit of driving and felt fine until later in the day when the chest pains slowly starting creeping in.
Anxiety Creates anxiety. Its irritating, because I know if I could block out the chest pains I would be fine because my chest starts to ache slightly, and despite having felt the pain many times before and know its from anxiety it starts to worry me, and then when I cant control the pain I feel like i'm losing control of other stuff and it just kinda spirals. This happened late in the day so wasn't long before I was home which is a bit of a safe haven for me. I don't feel constantly okay at home, but when i'm feeling rubbish I feel relived to get home.

Its a strange feeling that most anxiety suffers share. we know we wont come to any harm feeling how we do, and we know what it is because we have experienced it before. However we just cant seem to overpower our over thinking minds to just say "Hey, ignore it. its nothing" I tend the feel fine until I ask myself how I'm feeling, and thats the part im struggling to stop. If i could just stop asking, and just say "hey ignore that" then I'd be golden. But hey, more than likely the citalopram will be doing sod all for me at this early stage so maybe I will wake up one day feeling good, and have a string of good days to push further in my recovery. I think we should all use the word recovery, even if we are making no progress and finding no answers, because recovery is making it through the day, recovery is one less panic attack, a minute less chest pains than the day before and a minute more of feeling okay. But recovery doesn't have to mean progress everyday, recovery just means better than the worst day ever.

anyone here felt better after a massage or a visit to the chiropractor ? my back aches a lot of the time and I wonder if helping my back out will help my anxiety out?

[peza2013]

Hi everyone.

I stopped posting here because I realised the more I thought about things the worse I felt.


But the citalopram is really working wonders. I feel great. I feel like me again.

I feel like its taken the edge of enough for me to work through the rest of the issues on my own.




:)

[SamC]

Thats great you are feeling much better, it usually takes a few weeks to feel the full affects of new medication so fact its working good already is a great sign. Only way is up from here!

Well done for taking control back and rationalising your symptoms, its the most important step to feeling more like your old self again :)

[Enduronman]

Hi everyone.

I stopped posting here because I realised the more I thought about things the worse I felt.


But the citalopram is really working wonders. I feel great. I feel like me again.

I feel like its taken the edge of enough for me to work through the rest of the issues on my own.




:)

Don't let anxiety fool you into "holding it inside" friend,...

I am happy for you and your successes!!! Another, great news story...

Thank you for sharing too...

E-Man :)