View Full Version : Greetings
Hello everyone. I'm turning to this forum just to have someone to talk to about my anxiety, it's one of those things that are impossible to explain to people and most of the reactions I get, even if they're not saying it with their mouth, is "stop being daft" kinds of messages. I feel people don't really understand the impact of a disorder like this, it is a kind of depression am I right? I'm pretty certain depression disorders run through my family.
Anyway hello I am currently going through very stressful anxiety at the moment, walking in the street has been causing panic attacks (maybe it's the people and the heavy traffic), so I'm getting more and more scared to do basic things which is obviously a vicious cycle. I have recently come to terms with the fact that I have been dealing with this for about 3 years, and only recently realising what I have.
I am in my final year of study at university, I have a part time job 4 days a week, and I think everything I have to do has/is just getting on top of me. I did not go to work yesterday, and will be telling them I can't today or tomorrow, I feel awful about it (which does make me slightly more anxious) but I need to have some relaxing time to start this new medication.
I've been given Citalopram 10mg x 28. With a previous doc they gave me amtriptyline for insomnia once and then again for anxiety but my new doc told me it's an "outdated" drug and won't help me much anymore, he advised that I should wait till I have a few days of relaxing time to start taking the meds because it can make anxiety worse for a short time before it takes effect.
Does anyone have any experience with Citalopram? Would love to hear your experiences. I've read that it is something which some people say works wonders with little to no side effects and others have side effects like no motivation/feeling like a zombie, but in those situations I would assume the dosage was just too high for that particular person.
I think I'm right in understanding that 10mg is a low dosage to start off with, and see how my anxiety goes.
So yeah here I am just going to share my worries with you guys and also try and help others with encouraging advice. I feel I definitely need to be writing this all down somewhere to get it out of my head which hopefully will ease the info that's rattling around in there!
Cheers
J
Enduronman
12-13-2013, 05:02 AM
You came to the right place friend.
That's exactly why we're all here!
I don't have a personal experience with citalopram, but many others here do..they'll be along today.
Welcome! :)
(it is nearly impossible for people without depression/anxiety, to understand depression/anxiety..we can't fault them for that)....
E-Man.
You came to the right place friend.
That's exactly why we're all here!
I don't have a personal experience with citalopram, but many others here do..they'll be along today.
Welcome! :)
(it is nearly impossible for people without depression/anxiety, to understand depression/anxiety..we can't fault them for that)....
E-Man.
Thanks Enduron. Great I'd love to hear peoples thoughts.
Yeah you are right, I can only hope that they will be understanding enough which I worry sometimes they won't be.
BTW how much do you weigh out of interest? Gunz be looking lean bro!
Enduronman
12-13-2013, 05:15 AM
LMAO!! When that pick was taken I was 217...205 now. YAY!!! :)
LMAO!! When that pick was taken I was 217...205 now. YAY!!! :)
Haha, still nothing wrong with that weight! Lean mass I assume!
jessed03
12-13-2013, 05:26 AM
Sup J
I won't quote your first post, as it's quite long, but I found myself nodding a little throughout. The kid of nod you see when a guy takes a girl home from a bar. The 'yeah, he gets it' nod!
You've got a good grasp of stuff. Hopefully you'll fit those pieces together.
Citalopram should be pretty good for you. It is like you say, usually an effective drug with quite few side effects for most people. Unfortunately like your doc says man, that anxiety does get worse for a little bit usually. But then life starts to go back to normal really quickly, often out of nowhere. You wake up one day with a spring back in your step, and you're excited to do stuff again.
10mgs is very low, yeah. Complete starter dose, to get your body used to the drug. I went straight on 20mg before, was too much, too rocky. Went on 10mg and the transition was smooth.
Glad to see you're writing man, get that stuff out bro. Away from the head. Get it all processed.
Hope things pick up soon for you!
Enduronman
12-13-2013, 05:44 AM
wuz up Jesse James!
Yes J, I used to loovvveeee being able to lift weights...had to put it on hold for awhile but I'll get it back.
We'll be just fine bruh!
Sup J
I won't quote your first post, as it's quite long, but I found myself nodding a little throughout. The kid of nod you see when a guy takes a girl home from a bar. The 'yeah, he gets it' nod!
You've got a good grasp of stuff. Hopefully you'll fit those pieces together.
Citalopram should be pretty good for you. It is like you say, usually an effective drug with quite few side effects for most people. Unfortunately like your doc says man, that anxiety does get worse for a little bit usually. But then life starts to go back to normal really quickly, often out of nowhere. You wake up one day with a spring back in your step, and you're excited to do stuff again.
10mgs is very low, yeah. Complete starter dose, to get your body used to the drug. I went straight on 20mg before, was too much, too rocky. Went on 10mg and the transition was smooth.
Glad to see you're writing man, get that stuff out bro. Away from the head. Get it all processed.
Hope things pick up soon for you!
Thanks so much Jesse, that's really inspired me, I've told my work I need some time off and they're totally cool with it and understanding, I'm going back home to get some home cooked meals from mother and just relax over the weekend and start my Citalopram tonight whilst I'm in a very relaxed environment, which hopefully will level out the increase in anxiety as my body gets used to it.
Thanks I will update you guys soon!
EDIT: OH BTW! Do you think if I take my citalopram at night right before bed, then hopefully I'll sleep off most of the worst effects whilst I'm getting used to it?
Enduron, I can't wait to get back to weights too, I felt so good when I was lifting but then I injured myself! Downhill slope from there including my anxiety coming back. Onwards and upwards from right now though.
Enduronman
12-13-2013, 09:55 AM
yes I too have a serious injury that's taking some time to heal..it took me 5 friggin years to be able to bench 335 7 times,..then POOF! All of my joints went bad..grrrrr....:|
That sucks E, slow healing and steady getting back into it :)
Just to report, I had my first dose of citalopram earlier, I'm laid in bed currently just staying calm but not long at all after I took it my heart rate elevated extremely and I was on the verge of an anxiety/panic attack, I jumped into action though and started one of the relax audio clips I have on my phone which helps me sort of meditate it away, at least it helps by not having a major attack.
Hopefully as I progress over the next few days it will get easier.
Enduronman
12-13-2013, 04:40 PM
It will friend, just remember that it is soooooo easy to place sooooo much emphasis on a tablet to do something especially when we deal with something that can be so terrifying at times...Forget that you even took it.
I have to do that 10 times a day bruh...take it, move on...:)
Yeah I honestly think most of it was from my mind, if not all of it, because I'm just expecting it to "do something", and it activates that over thinking part of me.
Wow 10 a day, I suppose you just get so used to it eventually? I'm one of those people who rarely has to take medication and find it an odd thing, but as I see it if I have to take this pill for the rest of my life I will do it if it helps my mind deal with life on a normal level once again.
So so glad I have people who know about it to talk to! E you're being a great help to me!
Enduronman
12-13-2013, 05:09 PM
You're welcome dude, I've been where you are and so have alot of us here too.
Yes, your mind amplifying that tiny little tablet, to Atomic proportions...forget it.
Yes, I take meds. Many of them. I have too. If you're bored, go read the list in the meds section. They're all there. Some aren't tablets either bruh.
Yes, stop over thinking it, and work towards controlling the over thinking of everything that bothers you. Go with the flow...
You're gonna be just fine.
Yes, you get used to it and that little tablet may not be forever, only until you're ready to let it go. Solo!
You're welcome dude, I've been where you are and so have alot of us here too.
Yes, your mind amplifying that tiny little tablet, to Atomic proportions...forget it.
Yes, I take meds. Many of them. I have too. If you're bored, go read the list in the meds section. They're all there. Some aren't tablets either bruh.
Yes, stop over thinking it, and work towards controlling the over thinking of everything that bothers you. Go with the flow...
You're gonna be just fine.
Yes, you get used to it and that little tablet may not be forever, only until you're ready to let it go. Solo!
Thanks bud. I've woken up feeling really positive, strangely enough I didn't sleep a lot, I think I got about 5 hours before I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep again, I went to the toilet a good 4 times before I fell asleep and needed toilet again when I woke up after 5 hours.
Maybe it's just coincidence, maybe this is just getting used to Citalopram. I'm not worried about it at all, just curious, I find it difficult to fall asleep (always have) unless I'm knackered out which no doubt I will be by tonight so that will be good and I should sleep well tonight.
I had a pretty bad day today the citalopram activated an extremely intense burning sensation all over my body. Apparently this is a possible side effect that can lead to sensory/nerve problems down the line.
I haven't yet taken my 2nd pill and I'm already thinking I shouldn't, I had to just go to bed and sleep off the craziness for a while it is literally the only temp fix I was so scared
Feeling really down right now not sure what to do :(
jessed03
12-14-2013, 09:50 AM
That sucks man!
Was the burning painful, or was it like a flushing feeling?
I wouldn't say painful, but it's not pleasant, it sorta moves around my body swishing around so I guess sort of a flushing feeling.
It was after I had something to eat for lunch, just a small sandwich, and then I knew I just had to get in bed cause I could feel 'something' coming on, so I did and soon as my back hit the bed it felt like hot and then the burning sensation began and my obvious panic entered so I did 3 self hypnosis sessions in a row to calm myself and then had a nap.
I was so close to screaming, crying, breaking down. If I take this next pill I'm gonna have to do it before bed tonight again because I just have to be in bed and hopefully falling asleep already
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 10:05 AM
I find it difficult to fall asleep (always have)
Dude...
You MAY have just solved this riddle, all by yourself..
Your quote, could explain a HUGE percentage of your anxiety and more than anyone could ever think it would.
Without proper sleep cycles, times, patterns, your adrenal system (hormone control unit) gets all jacked up and out of wack...not producing and releasing the right amount of hormones, at the right times,..which leaves you with? Anxiety....
First thing I would suggest before you run off to see a Specialist or lay in some damn sleep study, is to take A TABLET or two to get some actual sleep.
I don't know where you are, so I can't say what's available or not to assist you.
I can't even send my friend in The Land Down Under a bottle of DHEA because it's illegal there. (pro-hormone)
What can you get, where you are, to help you sleep and don't say alcohol because people that drink have shitty sleep cycles=tension=stress=anxiety.
Can you get herbal supplements where you are???.....
IMPORTANT!!!
E-Man.
Hi E, well it is true I have had a problem with sleep ever since I was a child, back then it was an irrational fear of the dark, in later life it's just insomnia usually, not being able to turn off the brain, and I've had a lot of nights on little sleep lately due to uni and work so yeah I get that it won't help.
So you're saying a hormone imbalance might be a cause of poor sleep which in turn is a gold mine for anxiety to build.
I live in the UK. When you say herbal do you mean herbal hormone or herbal sleep? I'll look into both right now..
I've always worried I had a hormone imbalance, for want of a better phrase having b***h t**s for years and not really being able to get rid of them through exercise is a big nod to that as far as I know?
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 10:44 AM
Exactly!!!
Yes, the lifelong insomnia has caused your adrenal system to not have a f**kin clue what's going on, when, how, why, where,...it's a jumbled mess.
Yes, the beyotch tots are a sign of high estrogen, low Testosterone!
Yes, it is very very possible to be born with abnormalities in the (endocrine/adrenal/gonad/systems) that could haunt you forever...
Yes, an herbal supplement for sleep. (Valerian, passion flower, lemon balm) OR (melatonin) which is a hormone and would probably set you straight quickly, OR an anti-histamine (benedryl) OR whatever that was that you mentioned in your first post if you still have any. (Melatonin would be your best choice I think from what I'm seeing here)....
Can you get a blood test over there for a COMPLETE HORMONE PANEL????
Can you get DHEA over there, OTC like I can here?????...
Could you provide a brief description of DHEA and the other one? Is DHEA like hormone replacement?
I've always been sure I've had this for many reasons and it's never balanced out, moobs, sometimes poor erections etc and I've looked Into it and that's what it came up with. I think when I was working out a lot it was helping because I was producing more testosterone.
I'm gonna see what sleeping pills I have in the house for tonight I recon I'll sleep well anyway though.
Do you have any advice on what to do as per hormones, I've been reading that there's quite a few Chinese herbal mixed remedies that lower estrogen or balance it out like ginger and myonin but there's a lot of different advice out there really need to crack it down cause if there's a herbal supplement I can start trying straight away it's not going to hurt trying it! Any advice?
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 12:57 PM
Ok ddoooooodddd....
1. If I were you, I would get an actual blood test to check out all the hormones. THIS would be the most important and vital part of it unless there are financial concerns, but I won't buy any "I don't like Doctors, I don't like needle" shit here..this is IMPORTANT. It could change your whole life, and answer questions about your entire past life. If you have insurance, or money, go see a Hormone Doc/Endo/ or even your PCP can order these tests too. They're very easy to read.
2. OMG. The Shortest Answer Possible about DHEA: It is the Mother of all Hormones. It is made from cholesterol. Your body also makes cholesterol. Eating high FAT foods raises cholesterol, not eating cholesterol rich foods, the body is poor at absorbing high cholesterol foods, (which is funny when EVERYTHING say 0 cholesterol but your body can't absorb it but we think O let's buy that!), ALL of the other 100's of chemicals, hormones, pro-hormones, yadda yadda bla bla, are made from DHEA, low DHEA or low CHOLESTEROL means that your body doesn't have the RAW MATERIAL to make anything that it needs to function like a finely tuned precision machine that it is....
3. DHEA is kind of like hormone replacement, but not quite. It is a (pro-hormone) meaning your body will turn it into whatever it wants too. Testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, yadda yadda. It is safe, legal here, but you should do #1 first if you can...if you can't (money issue ONLY) then take 50mg a day. Your system will use what it needs and p*ss out the rest.
4. The ONLY possible hormone adjusting herb that even does anything at all is (licorice). It can help to jump start the endocrine system to work more optimally. Just don't use it for more than 2 weeks, 2 weeks off, 2 weeks, 2 weeks off...with the DHEA daily!
5. Raise your T level: Celery, avocado, almonds, bananas, a multi, extra zinc 50mg daily, lysine 500mg daily (estrogen blocker)...
6. Sport a chub: Take some L-arginine. Vasodialotorrrrrrrrrrrrr....BOING!!!! BAAHAA!!
How's that?
E-Man. :)
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 12:57 PM
oops....
Yes, sleep!!!! :D
Very interesting read, thanks E. I've done some further reading into estrogen dominance and having a Progesterone deficiency relates to moobs, low libido, urine frequency and issues there, anxiety etc basically a lot of the issues I am dealing with.
Next week I might book in with my doctor again to discuss my concerns with having hormone imbalances.
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 02:28 PM
Excellent! And don't take "no it can't be that" for an answer....Check them, then there's your proof. You go this J!
Interesting stuff isn't it???.....:)
Yeah I won't, luckily this new doctor was great when I went last week. He was like no amutriptyline won't do you any good you need to be on citalopram because it had got to the point where i could not function normally, as I explained it to him just walking to the docs and sitting in the waiting room meant I was having a huge anxiety attack for no reason.
Plus he set me up with a physio straight away which I'm so glad, although it's unrelated I have had injury for close to a year and most of that time spent on physio waiting lists but now I'm getting it free so should be on the mend there which will help my general mind I hope!
I'm feeling really positive this evening; it's nearly 10pm right now, I've spent most of the day in bed because I can't deal with anything but whilst I've been here I've done ok. The awful feelings early today were scary as hell but I got through it and didn't give up (give up being breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably which I felt like doing!).
I've just taken my second tablet and I've just said to myself take that shit and it's gonna fix me! I was nervous taking it today because of what happened but I know I just need to push through it this weekend. I can feel all my senses heightened, my thoughts, my heart rate, my chest pains, exhaustion, depression from it all everything has been heightened today, like it was an instant change from before taking them so now I totally understand that I could end up like this permanently if I don't do something about it!
But I am so focused on fixing myself now so I can do the huuuge things I want to do with my life! I'm very ambitious and put a lot of pressure on my self, just one of the many things that undoubtedly attributes to my overall anxiety.
Sorry for ranting even if no one bothers reading just getting it off my chest to a place where I know people will understand = amazing.
I'm feeling very sad lately knowing that I have actually had this condition for 3 years, never being able to understand until recently what is wrong, I said this to a counseller a month or so ago and I broke down in tears because I was so angry, I've cried more in the past 2 months than I have in years, so much pressure just built up.
Just to clarify: I am so messed up right now because the citalopram is supposed to do that until my body gets used to it, so I am told. So it's pretty heavy right now.
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 03:01 PM
Just get up and get a snack, anything. slow down that dissolving tablet abit, and read, research, about what the real deal is. The more you know, the better you will feel because this is correctable! Just gotta see which part isn't working...it points to hormones from where I am 8000 miles away..Relax, and be patient, you're on the up now man!
Your constant guidance is nearly bringing a tear to my eye for your unrelenting understanding and enthusiasm, E, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Yeah, up and up! Focus on fixing, not on what's wrong! I ate a small sandwich before the tablet, now I'm gonna have a banana. I'm not eating much at all because it creates stress on my chest and my heart elevates for some reason. Plus I'm having awful stomach aches and constantly burping so I feel a bit ill. But it ain't getting me down!
I feel I should return the favour E. How are you doing lately? :) I understand you have a mix of anxiety disorder and ADD?
In some ways they would suggest to me like opposite conditions, however I know better now from how I feel, it is purely being too much of an over thinker that has dropped me in anxiety.
Enduronman
12-14-2013, 03:22 PM
I appreciate the offer J but in all honesty, I don't let the mental and physical disorders and diseases get me down. I refuse to allow it bruh! And believe it or not, helping others is the only thing that makes me feel better both physically and mentally too. Even though I am a clinical nightmare. Our Doc says that we behave like cats! hilarious! The ADD is because I constantly scan for any teennnnyyyy shred of information everywhere, which of course creates anxiety too to process all external environmental inputs about everything and anyone anywhere. LOL!
When you see the Doc, ask for some Omeprazole too...it will STOP that stomach stuff on day #1...
Yer welcome dude! Just get yourself back! :)
Thank you mate. Today I've been mostly leas anxious, I have just felt very "ill", don't fancy eating much still and feel a bit sick etc, very lethargic etc.
I still have some chest pains, but the most notable change today is that my heart rate seems to have normalised dramatically, before it was hard and constant; felt it in my throat and did not help anxiety at all, whereas today it seems normal like I can't feel it in my throat at all, I'm just left with an aching chest pain in that area and muscle spasms.
Took a while to sleep last night with loud coughing in the next room, a dog barking next door, and a massive migraine but a cold flannel on my forehead and (eventually) I nodded off.
I will see how the next day goes, I'm going to be staying at home with my mother for a while longer till I begin to normalise and energy hopefully comes back. I am feeling somewhat bipolar at the moment one minute I'm extremely positive and in general I am today but occasional thoughts of getting back into the real world brings on a mini worry moment where I feel sick during the thoughts, so very up and down but I can see and feel progress in myself, I think it's just the battle of giving over my mentality to the benefit of the medication. It's getting there :)
Enduronman
12-15-2013, 09:05 AM
Get some Prilosec friend, asap to calm some of that stomach issue if not all of it..
We'll get ya through this man!!!
Focus on diet, hydration, rest, then you'll be ready bruh...
E-Man :)
Just checked what that was, so is the feeling sick and stuff an acid issue? I don't know if we have that in the uk but I may have something called Zantac which is for acid reduction/heartburn etc?
Thanks brooo :)
Enduronman
12-15-2013, 10:07 AM
It's probabaly called omeprazole over there, and yes it's an acid issue more likely than not bruh...Try to get some, if you can!..
Yeah found it thanks I'll get some tomorrow in the meantime I've got indigestion tablets which are mostly calcium carbonate.
Just had a big sandwich with crisps, felt very filling, when I feel full it adds a lot of pressure into my chest which can cause anxiety and often does for me. Gotta keep pushing though and get used to eating again, still worrying about simple things like getting back to normal life but I know I'm still in the bad days getting used to the meds so that should subside.
Enduronman
12-16-2013, 05:20 AM
Gotta hear a good report today J...How did it help you???
E-Man.
Gotta hear a good report today J...How did it help you???
E-Man.
Hey E. Mostly it's been a good day.
I didn't get any omeprazole, its like £10 just for 12 tablets, so I'm thinking I'll go see my doc and try and get it on prescription which most likely will be 30 tablets for £7 ish. Much better deal.
Today I decided to get out the house, so I went to the bank, shops, and to visit my nana with my mother today. It was a good day, I was so nervous, it wasn't totally anxiety more like nerves, but I feel that a lot at the moment like a sickness/nervous feeling constantly, so my appetite has still pretty much gone, I've had a banana today, I'm going to eat something bigger soon though for my dinner.
On our way home we went to pick my brother up to come round for the evening, he's unemployed and has been constantly taking money off my mother because he's wasting the money he has.. I can already tell he is in a depression at the moment but he got in the car and within literally 20 seconds of me going round the other side of the car to get in him and my mother had a massive argument to which he blew up said "I'm not coming" and slammed the door shut as he got out.
It's like they don't know how to communicate at all anymore. I have 4 older brothers, and they're all a bit messed up including myself!
It hasn't made me massively anxiety or anything, it's just made me a bit sad really in a normal way, cause I had such a nice and successful day today I proper pushed myself and felt fine by the end of it, then that happening has just spoilt it a bit.
I came home to the mother to get away from my stresses of uni and work, and I just end up with the stresses of having a highly dysfunctional family.
It's so close to christmas and I don't think we're going to have a nice day at all now because we aren't getting together with the rest of the extended family. It's just gonna be my mother and the brother above who have a rubbish relationship right now, one of the others is going to a friends for xmas day, one of them is a full blown alcoholic totally messed up and he might actually be with us on xmas day which i do not want and he hasn't for years because of the shit he put us through (ME MAINLY) on xmas day's of the past, and the oldest hates xmas, he'll just be at home having a curry, we don't see him on xmas either.
Despite all this my anxiety is not hitting me. I had one moment where I realised a huge water bill had just come out of my account so I had to ask my mother to help with loaning me some money so I can pay my rent which I hate doing so much and it nearly sent me into a panic but my mum i think could see it in my face and i just told her and she just said "how much? OK, lets go" and didn't make a big deal of it.
I'm replacing the worries I have when I live alone to different ones here with my family etc. TO ADD he has just sent me a text I just sent one saying Im here for him to talk to whatever it is he needs to get it out or he'll end up like me! (lol i said that) and before he sent a text saying "tell mum never to speak to me again" now its changed to "I'm calm now Ive been crying for 2 days straight I'm gonna come tomorrow and explain to you both (me and mum) tell mum I'm sorry"..
Now i'm bloody anxious as to what that means! Depression runs in my family without a doubt, my nan, my aunties, my mum, and all of us bro's have some weird shit about us and I'm supposed to be the most normal one but hey ho anxiety hit lets get over it ha.
I want so much to fix my family, but I feel weak like I don't know what to do about it.. I just want everyone to be happy, I am such a positive person most of the time, I want so much to push away my own negativity by helping people around me, I think that needs to be a goal of mine to just help people around me so much.
FYI E man. My anxiety grew huge last week and why I ended up on the meds because someone at my workplace committed suicide, I don't know much else than that but I went through a month of training with her 6 days a week, and I think that really hit me hard for some reason.
LIFE IS SO FUCKED UP
Enduronman
12-16-2013, 10:36 AM
WOW DUDE!!!
All in all, even throughout all of those potential and possible threats to cause you to cower, run, hide, curl up in a ball,..YOU PREVAILED!!!
HOLY SHIT MAN!!! This is a huge success from just a few days ago bruh!! Be proud! Shit I can't even type fast enough to put down here what my brain is telling me too!
That took everything you could muster up, to do these things, get out, be social, be with your family, and it appears that it is already going in a positive direction too..
Yes, YOU continue doing what you just did, all by yourself..YOU made these decisions and choices to force yourself up and about and out...
I am f**kin impressed as hell right now, happy for you, ecstatic, admire you man..
You want so much to fix your family? Go with the strength and power that you now have, and lead the way in a Charged presentation to them just like you already are.
You make this Christmas gathering a great one, you control the tempo, you control the mannerisms of your siblings, you help and shield your mum from harm...
And if it gets to where you need a break, take mum by the hand (grab her purse, money, etc, first so brothers don't get stupid) and take a quiet walk and ask whoever is messing up your Holiday to GTFO (politely of course) before you get back....
Yes, the death of a person that you'd just spent a month with would add into this depression/anxiety and you are pulling yourself out of that too..
Don't LET life be f**ked up, you make life what you can bare and handle...
Congratulations J!
E-Man. :)
Enduronman
12-16-2013, 10:38 AM
PS: I don't understand the cost of the omeprazole or your currency?? What does that cost American dollars??....It is $7 for 14 tablets here....
E.
WOW DUDE!!!
All in all, even throughout all of those potential and possible threats to cause you to cower, run, hide, curl up in a ball,..YOU PREVAILED!!!
HOLY SHIT MAN!!! This is a huge success from just a few days ago bruh!! Be proud! Shit I can't even type fast enough to put down here what my brain is telling me too!
That took everything you could muster up, to do these things, get out, be social, be with your family, and it appears that it is already going in a positive direction too..
Yes, YOU continue doing what you just did, all by yourself..YOU made these decisions and choices to force yourself up and about and out...
I am f**kin impressed as hell right now, happy for you, ecstatic, admire you man..
You want so much to fix your family? Go with the strength and power that you now have, and lead the way in a Charged presentation to them just like you already are.
You make this Christmas gathering a great one, you control the tempo, you control the mannerisms of your siblings, you help and shield your mum from harm...
And if it gets to where you need a break, take mum by the hand (grab her purse, money, etc, first so brothers don't get stupid) and take a quiet walk and ask whoever is messing up your Holiday to GTFO (politely of course) before you get back....
Yes, the death of a person that you'd just spent a month with would add into this depression/anxiety and you are pulling yourself out of that too..
Don't LET life be f**ked up, you make life what you can bare and handle...
Congratulations J!
E-Man. :)
Thanks E that means a lot to me :)
Yeah I feel like I always want to show people the way, typically its my family I try to give advice to because they're always at each others throats, thinking about doing that for them is scaring me a bit, but my bro is going to come over here tomorrow and I'm going to be the in-between my mum and my bro and hope that they can solve their differences and that we can help him with his sadness because I don't want him to have to be like me on meds but if he does then so be it just I think his issues are with depression, he has massive lows. BUT YES! I will use my power for good to fight the evil that is depression and anxiety and hurt and pain!
I'm trying to keep the positivity man, I will be doing my best, I just hope I don't 'snap' at some point when trying to fix my family, that's before all the rest of my problems as well but it has to be tackled, christmas is just over a week away, something needs to be done.
It'd be about 16 dollars for 12 tablets. If I ask my doctor for aid with that then I'm looking at 11 dollars for 28-30 days worth. I'm coping OK with the chest stuff cause Im so used to it, I will see what can be done about it though with doc, I'm just trying to get my appetite back as I have not even properly in the past 4 days but I am making the effort. Today I had a banana and milk for lunch and then i've just had a noodle with pork dish and some bread, my stomach is filling up very quick atm and i get a bit anxiety heavy after meals that fill me up because of the pressure i get but I'm good at handling it. See how the rest of this week pans out.. but hoping my appetite and the sicky and nervous feelings subside.
Enduronman
12-16-2013, 11:33 AM
Are you near London?...UK?
Are you near London?...UK?
Er nope mate way up north!
Enduronman
12-16-2013, 11:41 AM
Well s**t,.,,I was sending something over that way..London. Thought maybe I'd throw in another bottle!! Customs would probably snag it for themselves. LOL!
Keep that positive focus and direction going bruh and don't let it go..strangle hold!
If you sense that "snap", because I know that feeling well too, walk away for a few minutes to gather yourself..I do it frequently too.
Well s**t,.,,I was sending something over that way..London. Thought maybe I'd throw in another bottle!! Customs would probably snag it for themselves. LOL!
Keep that positive focus and direction going bruh and don't let it go..strangle hold!
If you sense that "snap", because I know that feeling well too, walk away for a few minutes to gather yourself..I do it frequently too.
I appreciate the thought man but don't worry i'll get some sorted :) really kind of you.
Yeah thats all I'm focusing on, not the worry of losing it, but just the positivity, which will stop the 'losing it' on its own!
Day 4 in the big brutha 'ouse.
I feel shit today. Not so much in an anxiety kind of way, I've had minor blowups of chest pressure here and there and I feel sick most of the time still, eating is a battle still. My whole family is falling apart, I knew it was on its way there and broken all over the place and I kind of detest my family on the whole but I came back from my studies to get away from those stresses and its being replaced with different ones completely.
The pressure of xmas is awful. I don't want the day to come. We're not seeing our extended family (who are all awesome people) but just gonna me me, my mum, and one of my bros who is unemployed after being fired and is currently in a downward spiral of depression and sadness and yet admitted to me today he just has no motivation and doesn't even want to find a job.. he has literally no self motivation and desire to FIX himself or the world around him he'll just keep on getting the temporary high (partying, women) to drown it out instead of confronting anything.
Then also will have to put up with one of my other bros who is a raging alcoholic, he hasn't been allowed to xmas with us at all for years because of it and my mum is saying ill pick him up then get him a taxi home before the evening, and its her promises like that when i know she's just saying what we want to hear, and I'm worried she'll break that promise and he'll stay, drink all the beer, and we'll end up with an either manic depressive drunk man or an aggressive drunk in my mums little house on xmas night. I can't allow this to happen.
But OH one of my other bros who's usually around with us has decided that he will not be spending the day with us this year, he's going to spend it with his friend and his friend's wife, they are like family to him and we all know that and get it, but he's rather spending it with them than us because and i quote "were not really a family anymore are we". I wonder why, considering he is one of the BIGGEST reasons why our family is so fucked up. Its hilarious (in a sarcastically hilarious way) that he can even say that when I've had to try and try to not hate his guts for so many years just to keep the peace. To the rest of us it just appears selfish, all he does it take take, that's all they all do, I'm the only one that actually shows my mother that I care about her and I worry for her every day.
My anxiety is being replaced with real problems, its making my stomach churn more and I just want to scream.
Our family is so messed, I feel like I am the only one that has got out remotely sane enough, maybe I was protected by my mum because i was the youngest, yeah probably.. with 4 older brothers 3 of which had a constant power struggle since i can remember to be the alpha male in the wolf pack. Idiots! I saw it all above me through the years and learned that it was just stupid as hell and I'll have no part in it.
I'm the only one my mother hopes will make something of himself now, because I'm the only one who has got up off my ass to try and do that, I worry about "making it", I worry about my mother dying before I'm old enough for her to see me get married, have my own kids, and for them to know how caring she is and how much love she gives if you just fucking accept it and not throw it in the bin. I worry that I must, must, must show my mum I can make it and provide for her so she can actually live out the rest of her days in absolute comfort and pleasure, after spending all of MY life (when my dad left, fifth kids a charm to bail on) trying to raise 5 lads all on her own. She is a damn saint and it angers me every day that I'm the only one that can see it.
To be fair, my oldest brother is now OK, he is weird and he is a big moaner but he cares about mother, he always checks on her and she always says when I'm away if he didn't check on me then i could be dead here for days before any of your other brothers would even know cause they don't come to see her, rarely talk to her, only ever when they want something.. money, washing, help, stitching... madness.
I'm going to see a couple of my friends this evening if all goes well, which should help de-stress me a bit. It's just all so sad, I don't feel like I deserve the family I was given, I don't feel my mum deserves to have had 60% of her children become such selfish ass wipes, I don't know how she keeps everything together, I really don't, and I fear one day she will drop.. genuinely, she is 63 and she still constantly helps others and tries to keep everyone afloat like she did when i was young, the way i see it I have 7 years before she might pass on, and I have to sort myself out and make my life good so that I can show her, give her the benefits of it, etc. She is a heavy, heavy smoker, drinks wine every day, but she's always busy.. she's surprisingly fit because of being a cleaning lady way up to this age, she is a true bred hard worker if ever I've seen one. I just don't think I will have her through as much of life as my older brothers will have been lucky enough to. She will die when I am only just becoming a real man and a member of a greater society.
I am powerless. And I am terrified.
My thoughts for today. I feel like I should write a journal.. but I want this out there for you to read so I guess this is my open journal.
Enduronman
12-17-2013, 02:13 PM
J bruh,
1. My father has SAD, GAD, and is a recluse.
2. My mother has GAD and fixes it with alcohol, then says stupid shit, that hurts everyone else but me..I know its the booze. Big difference.
3. My sister always gets pissy at the Holidays and doesn't show up to family gatherings, same this year.
4. I am a complete trainwreck, but I keep it together.
5. I have a 22 yr old daughter, that's a drug addict, and falling apart yet I am helpless.
6. She has has 2 sons. She has neither of them. One I will never see. My Grandsons.
7. I have a 17 yr old daughter, that just had a bullshit meltdown because she had to go to therapy. Called me a m***** f******, I said things I shouldn't have too and allowed her to keep her face momentarily. I got her there, the therapist got her calmed down and I went and got them both food and soda's so they could "chill"..It worked.
She's in therapy, because of drugs of course. Court ordered. BUT, I got her into a plush, nice, place with leather couches and fish tanks with xmas music playing.
8. I have a 15 yr old son, 120 miles away that I can't see. Why? The (2) daughters behaviors above, make their mother think that he will be an addict too.
9. I have a rare disease that can kill me, at any unannounced time, whenever it decides too. No cure. Only toxic meds that can abort a fetus in a female, that was my choice.
10. There are severe mental health disorders in my family, fathers side. Many.
11. My Uncle just died 2 weeks ago. 62 yrs old.
12. I have to give myself shots in the stomach twice a week,.
13. A shot in my ass every Tuesday.
14. This disease has taken part of my sight, I had to finally get glasses 10 days ago.
15. I have 3 herniated disc in my neck, and a cogenital birth defect of a narrow central nerve sheath, that causes me to look like I have cerebral palsy,whenever it wants.
16. I have to struggle to get in or out of my car, up the stairs, can't kneel, stoop, stand for long, walk like a crippled dumbass, have a cane now, at 46 and disabled.
17. After being determined to grow to 235 pounds, and lift shit tons of weight. I failed. Made it to 228, and my joints dissolved suddenly over a 9 month period. Arnold Schwarzeneggar was always my idol. (you can laugh now) but that was my goal.
18. I have to sell everything I worked 30 years to get.
19. I may have to live with one of my 75 yr old parents to help ME to get around.
20. And, my neck hurts like hell all the time just sitting here and typing, but I do it because it's all that I got to make me feel better about all that bullshit above. Helping others..helps me. Weird....
Point of all that? There are many, many f****d up family's bruh..it's all just in how you choose to "perceive" f****d up friend...
Forget about the past, live for today, and have hope for the future...I've typed that dozens of times, and I live that everyday too because, I have too. No other way.
All Judgement is forgiven, on Christmas J....all of it.
Chris.. :)
Your ending remarks have been helpful thanks E. Spending some time with friends has been beneficial and ended the day on a positive note.
Morning.
Went to the docs today, to enquire about the nausea (sickness and ill feelings, no appetite). This is a diff doc because i'm at my mothers, prescribed me prochlorperazine for it, 3 times a day 5mg, he also said its likely that I should come back at the 2 weeks mark and we'll see how I'm doing, then consider upping my meds to 20mg. So I'm not very much looking forward to the double dose, in that it might make my anxiety go extreme again for a few days which was one of the worst things I've ever had to experience.
He gave me a sick note.. I've never had to have one before.. going to ring up my work soon and let them know I'm still not well and that I'll be sending in the sick note.. I absolutely hate having to ring them up to explain myself, mostly because I just feel like a useless lump.
My anxiety rose a bit in the waiting room at the docs, the noise of people around me and stuff just frustrates me, I think my personality hates it in general and so it's double annoying as hell and gets me riled up. I kept my head down at my phone playing games to pass the time (half hour wait).
I will see how these pills for the nausea help. My anxiety is up and down at times, but mostly recently I feel just depressed, not sure where my lifes going and all that crap. I have always had highs and lows, I think I've always been prone to it, maybe it is slight depression thing, it often happens around things like christmas, valentines day, birthday, crap like that.. when you're not with someone those times can be difficult, but I do pride myself on being comfortable being alone, and I am mostly, I want someone in my life but the right someone, I recently split up with a short term girlfriend because I just didn't care about her simple as that.
If you have someone and you're happy with them, treasure it. Us lonely buggers wish we had what you do :P
Enduronman
12-19-2013, 05:20 AM
YES!!!! It's also for dep/anx/psychosis....Awesome dude!! I like your Doc already!! :)
jessed03
12-19-2013, 05:45 AM
50. 50 replies in this thread.
That 49 was irking me.
Gosh I'm OCD :P
YES!!!! It's also for dep/anx/psychosis....Awesome dude!! I like your Doc already!! :)
I didn't know, just had a quick read up on it. Well I have 30 tablets worth so that'll last 10 days I think he said its only temporary until I get used to the citalopram fully plus I may go into 20mg of citalopram next week too so hopefully its going to help me along.
He's not my usual family doc in fact, he's away, but yeah he seemed very clued up on the subject which was good.
Enduronman
12-19-2013, 05:52 AM
This is fuggin great news J!!! Merry Christmas!!! That med will "block out" the dumbshit and with your powers, you're going to be just fine....
Hey Jesse!! :D
This is fuggin great news J!!! Merry Christmas!!! That med will "block out" the dumbshit and with your powers, you're going to be just fine....
Hey Jesse!! :D
OK well lets hope it gets me somewhere. I think I feel less sick already, lets hope its going to continue. I forgot to talk to the doc about my acidity levels, but I'll have to go again after crimbo for a progress update and I'll update him then and see where we go.
I've been out today with mother, helping my brother with a flat viewing (the alcoholic).. its in one of those tower blocks that aren't very pleasing to the eye and are typically filled with scumbags, but as long as he keeps to himself he shouldn't have much problems. He'll be closer to home/family, we're still not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.
Good: Closer to family feels better being social might help his issues with alcohol depression whatever
Bad: Closer to family so just becomes more of a burden on my mother and the rest of the family which is really not what I want, for my mother to have more burdens!
Time will tell.
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