Advice

[Hope43]

I need some advice. Lately, I haven't feel well. Many feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, sadness and anger. Since my birthday is approaching I had become a very unhappy person and I will explain. Ten years ago by this time I lost my baby son and after that I couldn't because of illness among other things have another child. Now that I'm going to be 45 and for me its means that my chances of being a mother are practically non existence. Since I lost my son I always felt empty and I long so much for being a mother again. I blame my self for not getting pregnant and the fact that I haven't been able to have another baby has caused a tremendous pain and anger in my soul. I may sound selfish because when I had explained to others my feelings their replies are: think of those who can't would be able to have children because of physical conditions or it is time for you to accept your destiny and you have to be complement. I feel tremendous guilt because here I'm being a selfish single woman wanting to have a child.
On top of that I haven't feel comfortable with my job lately for the past three years. The increasing feeling of not wanting to do I do because I don't enjoy it anymore is messing with my depression. I feel very disconnected with what I do and sometimes because I suffer from severe social phobia I feel judge all time and inadequate. When my anxiety excalate it's even worse, I get all worried and my inside feel like a storm. My proffesion requires me to apply certain skills and techniques every day to help other people to get better. I'm always around other people and I feel like they are judging me. I worked in classroom settings or homes where there are teachers or parents. The fact that I feel that I don't like my job anymore and that I feel so inadequate because somehow my job is challenging. I worked with behavior issues a lot. All these things mentioned above plus the facts that I'm a long time sufferer who have tried many medications, who have seen many psychologist and psychiatrist and have tried CBT and ACT had left me with a sense of giving up. Quit all together and move out but again financially I'm am my only support but I feel that I'm at the end of the rope. I feel like one day I'm going to have a break down in front of others and I'm going to start crying none stopping and I won't be able to get out to that episode of depression anymore. I need help because my despair and helplessness is causing tremendous frustration and anger and is really affecting me in a big way. Some people have suggested to take a leave of absent but I'm afraid I may lose my job eventually. I need some suggestions from you who understand about depression and anxiety. I need advice. Why after all of these many years of treatments I'm still struggling? Maybe I'm doing something wrong, maybe if I change my mindset or how I react to problems all this depression and anxiety will go way. Maybe I'm at fault. Today I couldn't go to work because I had what I call a brief met down after came to work that it was hard for me to face the world today. Please help because I don't know what else to do. I do really advice. I don't want to feel like this anymore it is killing me.

[Enduronman]

Oh my...
1. I just turned 46, yesterday. Less than memorable. Each new day brings a new challenge my way, even if I attempt to hide under the house in the cellar.
2. I am very sorry for your loss, 10 years ago. (It appears that the loss has consumed your every thought, since that day)
3. It's apparent that you're blaming yourself, for something that you literally had no control over. (change what you can, accept what you can't)
4. It does seem as if "life" isn't fair to some of us, but it was never meant to be fair to any of us. (I see it everyday, in some way, shape, form)
5. Stop doubting your chances of getting pregnant again, advances in medical science can make that nearly 100% possible, even at 45. (it is not hopeless)
6. Forget the past, live for this day, have hope for the future. (I say that to myself daily, it works)
7. If I didn't forget the past "feeling" and not the event, as I will always recall the 100's of events, it would devour me. (I don't let it)
8. I wouldn't say that you should feel selfish because there are others (millions) that can't have children, I would say that you should feel selfish because you're depriving yourself of a happy existence in this world. You only get (1) shot at it. If anything, think about those around you (family, friends) that wish they knew what to do, say, or give you to help you..it is they that your self-blame, self-guilt, self-remorse, self-centered, self-sealed micro world that you reside inside of, are hurting. Not those that you try to help daily, they can't "see" that. Your loved ones can.
9. This isn't your "destiny". It is your destiny to strive to make something positive happen for yourself. When you continue to blame yourself, kick yourself around, run yourself down, this isn't what the Son that you lost would want for his Mother at all. He isn't in continual suffering and anguish as you are and he would expect better for you.
10. You're suffering from all of those fear, phobias, anxiety, uncomfortableness, because of the guilt that you carry with you. It's a disease in itself. It will tear you apart. Until, you let it go. When you do decide to let it go, and forgive yourself, all those horrible feelings and fears will leave as well. Just like that. Poof!
11. Nothing has helped you, because you won't let it go..no matter how educated those councelors were, no matter their logic, no matter what they said, no matter what technique, no matter their skills, wit, intelligence, knowledge, degrees, plaques, cridentials, awards, trophy's, certificates,..You wouldn't let them. (A GIANT WALL IS BUILT) and they couldn't break it down.
12. I understand depression and anxiety, and every other mental health disorder too because I have them all even with some scary ones too. THEY don't have me.
13. Yes, you are doing something wrong. Yes, you MUST change your mindset, if you ever wish to make it out of this hell. Yes, you are at fault for keeping yourself in this prison.
14. You need a medicational assist. You need a new therapist. Not an MD Psych, a therapist to listen to you. I will only suggest medications, if you ask but I am by no means a DR..I just know what works best for me, and for others scattered about these forums and all over the web.
15. There's some advice, IMHO.
16. Stop letting "it" kill you...You kill "it".

Best wishes.

E-Man. :)

[artaud]

I need some advice. Lately, I haven't feel well. Many feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, sadness and anger. Since my birthday is approaching I had become a very unhappy person and I will explain.

Very detailed assessment of your conditions and concerns. I see that you're new here, I'm sure others will more specifically address particulars.

The way we experience things is unique to ourselves, various members here do a great job of looking at things from various perspectives. What may seem surmountable to some are virtually impossible for others.

One amusing demonstration of this is provided by the following, which we saw in a recent visit to a memorial to him.

"Commodore Perry was tall and well-proportioned; “every inch a man” according to some who knew him. He was also capable of inspiring tremendous loyalty in those who served under him. He had one strange phobia however, he was terrified of cows. He was said to prefer slogging miles through knee-deep mud rather than face a cow."

We all have things that effect us deeply, you did a fine job articulating your issues.

I wish you well and will follow the thread to see what a variety of people suggest.

[Enduronman]

758....I always like this, inspiring.

[artaud]

....I always like this, inspiring.

I wish I could see the attachments from the app, but I went online to view it. Great image and message.

[Hope43]

Thanks for your comments. I'm considering finding a new therapist and talking to my Dr about coming out of my current medication. My family and Dr are against it but I'm tired of all the medication I've being taking for years. About my job, I'm thinking of taking a break for a little while. It's getting harder and harder every passing day get up and go to work. I dragged my self every morning to go to work. My helplessness is coming from a place of someone who has been suffering from these illnesses from 30+ years and had tried many approaches. I had tried supplements, changed my diet and have read so many books on depression and anxiety. I just feel tired. For me it's feel like I been in a batle.
Enduros an, I couldn't open the attachment.
All suggestions are still welcome.

[artaud]

.....Why after all of these many years of treatments I'm still struggling? Maybe I'm doing something wrong, maybe if I change my mindset or how I react to problems all this depression and anxiety will go way. Maybe I'm at fault......

....Thanks for your comments. I'm considering finding a new therapist and talking to my Dr about coming out of my current medication. My family and Dr are against it but I'm tired of all the medication I've being taking for years. About my job, I'm thinking of taking a break for a little while. It's getting harder and harder every passing day get up and go to work. I dragged my self every morning to go to work. My helplessness is coming from a place of someone who has been suffering from these illnesses from 30+ years and had tried many approaches. I had tried supplements, changed my diet and have read so many books on depression and anxiety. I just feel tired. For me it's feel like I been in a batle.

All suggestions are still welcome.

David Foster Wallace gave a speech to graduating college students that I found inspirational, it's about making choices in how we think. I think David had a grasp of the situation that plagues us all. But even David couldn't save himself. I read quite a bit of the works of Carl Jung, wasn't easy reading, but to me it was worth it.

Jung believed that we all strive to attain a spiritual relevance, David Foster Wallace apparently not. But despite the stunning intellect of Wallace, he committed suicide. I think Wallace was missing the significance of the spiritual side. Jung did not mean it in the sense of going to church Sunday, but in a broader sense of understanding the true depth of our own minds and significance.

If we rely on others to validate us, we will be unhappy as it will never occur with sufficient frequency to be fulfilling. But by understanding the significance of yourself, the interplay of various components of your entire mind, and going through what he refers to as individuation, you can be happier with what you are, what you accomplished in life, and your relationship with others.

The solution lies within yourself.

Try this test, let me know the 4 letters that identify your personality type. I'm Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Judgemental. (Slightly).

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

More on the results.

http://www.truity.com/view/types

[Hope43]

Well, I took the test and it was an interesting experience. My results: introvert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging. I also looked into what careers suited me better, here is where I couldn't find my self persuing the majority of them. Actually, I was drawn more to the ones that doesn't come natural to me and my current job it is within this category, no wander it is a little hard for me to do what I do for living. Honestly, I can't picture myself in any management career, I'm too shy for that. I do feel better today but still thinking about my future decisions. I'm trying to accept my current situation and make the best of it.

[artaud]

Well, I took the test and it was an interesting experience. My results: introvert, Sensing, Thinking, and Judging. I also looked into what careers suited me better, here is where I couldn't find my self persuing the majority of them. Actually, I was drawn more to the ones that doesn't come natural to me and my current job it is within this category, no wander it is a little hard for me to do what I do for living. Honestly, I can't picture myself in any management career, I'm too shy for that. I do feel better today but still thinking about my future decisions. I'm trying to accept my current situation and make the best of it.

Try seeing if you identify with these people. (Just for fun)

http://www.celebritytypes.com/istj.php

More on ISTJ

https://www.personalitymax.com/personality-types/istj-examiner

It should have given you a percentage of involvement into these types. I'm fairly balanced, but have always tended to introversion. If you weren't heavily identified with any particular characteristic, it would make sense that you have other aspirations.

The world (and the U.S. especially) is oriented to extroversion, one reason I was interested in seeing your results from this test. The people that I have been closest to are introverts.

Ultimately, the one that will always be there for you is you. You should be your closest friend. If you don't like yourself, it may make it difficult for others to relate to you.