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natbaby
12-10-2013, 08:46 AM
Hi everyone! I'll start off on a good note - my anxiety/panic and depression have been under control for the most part this year. Yay me!! :D

I'm starting to get a little worried though, because I'm coming up on one year since I had a breakdown. When I say breakdown, I mean can't eat, can't sleep, can't function like a normal human being. I lost 16 pounds in two weeks, which I didn't even realize was possible. I was in the ER three times, twice because I thought I was dying and the third time because I was begging them to commit me (which they would not do). I was terrified and felt so alone, even though I had my wonderful husband and mother there with me at all times. It really is amazing the things that your mind can make your body feel physically. Some of the worst parts for me were the physical reactions that my body had to my state of mind - racing heart, skipping/fluttering beats, nausea and dry heaving, diarrhea, shakiness, and the dreaded adrenaline rushes. At the time of my last "spell" I had quit taking my Prozac because I wanted to try and have another baby, and I thought that I would see how far I could go without medication. I figured any length of time where I wasn't taking drugs during pregnancy could do nothing but benefit the baby's health. Problem with that is that I forgot just how bad it feels to feel BAD. Now, I'm back on medication (Zoloft this time) which works, but doesn't seem to work as well as the Prozac did. I haven't had the guts to change it because I don't want to risk the stability that I have had this last year. Maybe once I feel a little stronger I will look at switching back (during the spring/summer is probably the best time). Why do I keep getting in my own head about the breakdown that I had last year?! I remember the exact date, January 7, and I feel like I'm on a countdown to that day in my mind. I don't know if I'm afraid that it's going to happen again, or if I just want it to hurry up and pass by so that I can say "HA! I made it!". I'm on medication and I'm feeling well, there's no reason for me to be afraid...but I still am. I think maybe I just want to curl up in a ball and cry because I'm so relieved that I'm going to make it through this time. Has anyone out there experienced anything like this? I would love to hear your "success" stories and how you triumphed over this mess in our minds. Sorry for the long rant, but I really needed to get this off of my chest to someone that can understand. Thank you so much for listening!

jessed03
12-10-2013, 08:58 AM
You do that too!! :) I didn't think anyone else did it.

Mines on October 27th. Been a few years now, but I kinda remember it every year. I was eating snickers bar when I had my first panic attack, so I buy one every year on that day lol.

I was kinda scared the first time round too. Although, I was weary of most stuff; the first winter, the first new year, the first anniversary. None really amounted to much.

It's a good chance to look back, and look at all the changes you've made, and all the therapies you've used, and see how you've travelled along the path. It's also a good chance to figure out what you want to be doing next year, and how to take it to the next level.

It's like a second birthday, you should do something funny to mark it ;)

Enduronman
12-10-2013, 08:58 AM
Congratulation Nat!!

I remember exact dates too, so as to never have to relive that same event twice. You're doing amazingly well, and you as well as all of us are proud and happy for you too!

I would share some of my own success stories here, but I'd be typing for the next 6 hours and 31 minutes...

Forget the past, live for today, and have hope for the future. That's it!

E-Man. :)

Enduronman
12-10-2013, 09:01 AM
oh of course, there's James talkin about cake pies chocolate again...:)
I know what I'm gettin you for Christmas Son!!! LMAO!!

jessed03
12-10-2013, 09:08 AM
oh of course, there's James talkin about cake pies chocolate again...:)
I know what I'm gettin you for Christmas Son!!! LMAO!!

(Jesse) *cough* ;)

jessy
12-10-2013, 09:22 AM
I totally understand I to remember it like it was yesterday .
23rd November 2011 . I've come a long way since then but with a lot to get over & come to terms with during that time . I do not think I will ever forget that day, it will be forever imprinted in my mind.

On a positive note you can look back & see what you have achieved & come through since that time .

Well done & good luck for the future , keep looking forward !! X

embrace123
12-10-2013, 01:53 PM
Oh honey!!! I've been in constant chest pain for the last 3months for some reason around this time of your I get some mind of anxiety and have to deal With it everyday, don't feel alone, I've been to the er 4 times in the last 2 months, I think it's anniversary anxiety, because this is the only time the fear and have so much anxiety. Dec 6th was my 2 year anniversary. I hope you feel better take it easy ..

Steven Daws
12-10-2013, 02:10 PM
Thats fantastic natbaby, I'm sure that the anniversary will come and go, then you can celebrate.

natbaby
12-10-2013, 03:21 PM
Thank you everyone for the encouragement! And no, Jessed03, you aren't the only one who does this...obviously! :)

I guess it's just part of the monster that is anxiety - always being afraid of something. Even when everything is going well, an anxious person will find something to worry about. I do think that this time of year is the hardest for many reasons. The holidays, cold and dark winter months, they make it all too easy to sit and dwell and conjure up all of these feelings. It's hard to get out and occupy your mind when it's 30 degrees outside and raining. I really do admire each and every person that I come across that suffers from anxiety, panic, depression, and any other mental illness. I have found more compassion, understanding, acceptance, and encouragement from them than I can even tell you about. I truly believe that behind these illnesses are some of the strongest people around. We all can do this, one day at a time, help each other take one more step forward.

natbaby
12-10-2013, 06:54 PM
Enduron, if you have that many success stories, that's something to be proud of for sure. Way to go!! Every success story is a victory and and big step forward!!

Enduronman
12-10-2013, 09:08 PM
Thank you Nat!...

But whenever I start to feel proud, is when 10 more things drop out of the sky like someone just dumped their garbage on me!!...LOL!!! :)