Does Social Phobia Stunt Growth?

[Tim213123]

So, i'm a male 22 now and during my school years I had social phobia, which I still have, however it is much better.
I was wondering can social phobia/anxiety cause stunted height/growth problems?


I was always a shy/quiet child from ages 0-12 and didn't seem to have social anxiety. During primary school I had no problems having friends. I generally enjoyed school. I remember on a buss one time for a field trip my friend asked me why I don't talk and said something like, are you just resting your voice?, which I responded yes. I was never one to talk a lot and liked to keep quiet.

As I went to intermediate school (12-13) I had to make new friends as I didn't know any one at this new school. I didn't have a problem going to a new school and new friends and found it exciting. I made some friends quickly and made one best friend. During my second year of this school I was in a different class made a new best friend with this guy that has quiet like me and we had a lot in common, however he was a bad influence on me and for example didn't care about his school work at all. He was into rap music and kind of disrespected people but only through conversations with me. (its kind of hard to explain) Basically he was quiet didn't like school didn't care about grades would swear a lot and didn't have respect for people. But for some reason I liked this and he was my new best friend.

So now onto highschool(14-18), I basically only was friends with this guy, he always missed a lot of school and stayed home. (It wasn't uncommon for him to miss 3 days of school a week.)
I used to get really anxious waiting to see if my friend was going to be at school every day. I used to get nervous every morning before school. I used to get nervous every morning tea and lunch time as at the beginning used to hide in the toilet or stayed in the tuck shop line which could take a good 10 mins to waste time or went to the nurse saying I felt sick.
This went on for maybe half a year or so until I started hanging around some people I knew but didn't really like. It was only a way to waste time and was at times extremely boring due to having a lack of things in common with them. So for my last 2 years at high school my best friend left school and I was left at school with these "friends" that I didn't really like. I used to dread school because I had no friends that I really enjoyed talking to. I wanted to leave school like my best friend did but my mum forced me to finish highschool.
I was always known as the quiet person at school because I never used to talk, because I had social anxiety. (and it didnt help that im quiet anyway)

High school for me was like prison, especially the last 2 years. I was forced to go to school and hang out with people I had no things in common with. I was shy, had social phobia and anxiety.

After I left school my anxiety was still there in social settings but now as Ive got older I've learnt that supposably you only live once, im not going to let this fear ruin my life. I always say to myself, if I have fear, "stop being a little bitch" and think of something else that is far worse then talking in public.

I wasn't very tall before puberty and used to get comments on my shortness and skinniness. I then grew to a more normal height during puberty. Is it possible with all the constant stress and social phobia/anxiety in school that it has stunted my growth/height?

I was below average height as a child and manged to reach around 5'9.5-5'10 now. I've always been really self concious of my height, hence made this thread. I hate the idea that I've done something such as social phobia and stress during teens thats has stuned my growth. It doesn't matter that im not conceded short, but it bothers me knowing I could of been potentially taller and from that had such a better life with more self confidence. For example if during my teens I was really tall I can be certain that social phobia wouldnt of been a problem.

Thank you.

[Ponder]

Hi Tim, I can relate to much of what your saying here - but possibly in different way as no two experiences nor people are ever the same. I'm not to sure about your perception on your friend that "was a bad influence on you" ... that is to say, I don't think any of us are qualified to make assessments on others whilst we ourselves struggle to comprehend why it is that we feel so small.

Now ... I'll tell you straight up, I am a little pissed of with things ATM ... so forgive me If I seem edgy, none the less I will respond as I am sure other little ones feeling small in the shadows of others might grow some legs and pop in as well. LOL ... forgive the sarcasm.

No social phobia does not stunt your growth --- it may your mind, but not your growth. You will however reach a point that your body will now longer grow, and the fact is, that as one ages, you will eventually shrink - God Forbid! Mate ... you hit the nail on the head with it being a fear - However you will not beat a fear with trying to think of another fear ... just to quote that little bit that you said "I always say to myself, if I have fear, "stop being a little bitch" and think of something else that is far worse then talking in public." It's the way that we adopt these strategies that can drag us down - We are constantly fed BS for coping mechanisms and this on IMO is no different -> It stinks of "Self betterment"

Nothing wrong in wanting to address these feeling of self insignificance, however doing it by imprinting our minds with another negative - "Well things could be worse" - is just shadowing a present fear with another on- a future thought that if you do not stop thinking about the fear you have now, that in the future you will in fact suffer more as others so clearly do in your own mind. Live in the past - BE SAD - Live in the Fure - Be Worried AKA Anxiety.

What does all this - "Oh little lunch/recces is almost here OMG - " FUTURE - and why do we think in the future most of the time - Because We Are Taught to FEAR what we may become if we do not Comply! - Unfortunate.y my friend, it is NO different out of school - or prison for that matter. With regards to the Fear of Being small OR not Being Tall enough - Standing in line is probably the worst place to be - LOL - Have a laugh with me on that one.

It's a sad story to hear this because you much taller than me. My mum is under just under 5 foot - I look tall standing near her, in fact in most picture of me I look taller - that is until you see one with me standing next to my wife. I'm only 5'7 - or I can be a wopping 5'7 - it's all in your head - to which society fucks with on a daily basis. What were your copping mechanisms????? Regardless of having social phobia, each and every one of us will have a copping mechanism to deal with the beast. You said something about standing in lines, which again, is ironic for a short person as such is a place where all the stigma unfolds.

Is it possible that all your constant worrying stunted your grwoth???? Probably not, because I would say it's your current demeanor that plays more into you Phobia now, than it did back then. of-course that is not to say, that this Phobia in which you discuss did not contribute to your current attitude of giving normality a Height value. That actually plays into the stigma yourself and would have you just as much a slave to the mind now than it did then.
__________________________________________________ _________

Little man syndrome is what they call angry men shorter than others - LOL - I laugh because the label itself creates a problem than in many cases does not exist. Sure it can be frustrating and no doubt some men and women can be frustrated at not being seen, looked past, not being served at the counter or simply being overlooked although still clearly in full view. The problem is often associated with more a superiority complex of others, who weather or not short or tall - suffer from a constant need to be better, bigger, prettier, richer - lets just call it the opposite - A SUPERIORITY COMPLEX. We all have it no matter how short or tall! It's our EGO!!!!!!!!!! School is a place where we are indoctrinated with our ego. It is defended under our patriotic flags - they teach us its why we killed on all those wars and why other nations killed as they did. It is where they teach us that we have to be better people otherwise we will fail in life, we will be worse off!!!!! The same indoctrination commonly used by religion. Be better or else - be with us or against us. US AND THEM ... Humanity with its great evolutionary thinking mind now uses the past and future to keep us in fear. Just saw a great show on neuroplasticity, and how it can either make us or break us. The key to that for me - was just how much we need to let go with all the thinking to begin with, but that's another story.

Sorry to go on so long. Back to being short. SIGH .......... my copping mechanism what in finding my strengths. You see, I too used to fear lunch times and walking between classes. I definitely noticed how taller kids with our modernised human condition would look down with their embedded superiority complexes - but I could see beyond that into all those identities that contributed to such a cowardly - over confident cocky upbringing. In saying that as well, I also detected it was not just height that made others like that - there were other short kids, that for whatever reasons, such as wealth, squeaky clean appearance, pressed clothes, good food, and just plain good all round stability at home - SOME KIDS are just plain cruel while others can be shinny beacons - those in between are often set upon by those who think themselves better, as those that shine, would be open to all around them.

So not just being short, I had no clothes of worth - no food worth bragging - OH BY THE WAY _ I share this not to minimize but to identify with the "PHOBIAS" - just ignore it if you feel it's too much - OK where was I - oh yea - all that stuff that people think could be worse ... -LOL- I think for me, I simply reacted to how others reacted to me - Finding strength - Hmmmmmmmmmm ........ well in an age that worships sport, I discovered that physical endurance would have me being of some worth - I ran and ran till I was the fastest, I also soon learned how to grab these would be superior beings by the knees at great speed and toss them over my shoulder whilst bringing them down to a level in which they could see me. LOL ... I got quite good at doing that - that I was seen with a new light BUT Alas - I think it was my crappy clothes, shaved head, and resultant need to fight others battles that would have others going from picking on me, to treating me as if I had the plague.

It's different for everyone as I say - I can see how that whilst I found a strength, that it was still not good enough, and I in turn also played right back into things - by gravitating to assholes that picked on other weaker kids - playing into my own frustrations and heightening the stigmas of never being good enough, as think that things could be worse, would also drive me to wanting more than what was already so clearly instilled -

Mostly during that time, I did not suffer as bad as I make out now - sometimes - well as I so clearly pointed with yourself, that our stories tend to be tainted with how we think now - that's why it's vital that if we ever need to go back for therputic sake, which should only be reserved for traumatized events that play over and over in our minds to a point that makes us non functional ... but alas - if looking back in a non judgmental way, without all this identifying of ourselves to - current status and things - then maybe we can learn a thing or two, but rarely worth it when we judge others on a personal basis.

HMMMMMMM - we can generalize much better when doing so, but with more clarity that focuses on how we reflect and how it is us that sees and feel - I would never dare to sum up another individual on a personal level, but only try to understand how or why others did what they did when being so cruel. Once in day care, I remember I kid that just punched me in the face for no reason - however, I am sure in his mind there was very much a reason. This I find interesting because we would of barley been 5. years old. I'll put that one down to reflecting environmental factors that kid had no control of - but at the time, I would not stop crying in front of everyone where the adult in charge was very tough on me for keeping others up during the enforce sleep times!

Child Care --- yet another Sad and indoctrination place - The ease at which parents hand over and justify all in the name of conforming and living the modern way. Often the problems of us sensitive ones are just exasperated from one moment to the next - The good thing is, that once you can outgrow such pain and misery of such an existence in this great glorious world of ours, that true peace can be somehow be found, when we just give up - stop trying to be someone we are not - Although don't kid one self thinking such will be pain free - It can still be frustrating to see society clammer as it does, with the make up and high heals - or anything to climb above another -

My advice despite that fact there is someone all ways taller - is to smile and nod as if it never mattered.

cont...........

[Ponder]

..................OK ............... It really is sad about this whole drive to be bigger and better. Flag bearers ... Politics ... Racism ... and Religious Judgment ... these are the things that must come down before man can become one with self and the land. Drop the exclamation marks, the emotional charged and driven responses:

But here is the thing, how do we break out of the great depression such brings, without tapping into desire - many of us have become so scared of our emotions that we can no longer feel - we adopt Zen to come back to the present, however in doing so fear the slightest bit of JOY that comes from within - as we are only used to that superficial short lived externally driven happiness that so often disappears as sure as people reject one another. Feeling accepted in groups once more, is like WTF ... this is too much - the trust issues and all the disappointment with frustration - all of which can come whilst no matter how much we try and avoid - How to confront and want to be or why should we??????????? Just how much is integration necessary comes to my mind here ......

Depends on the level I guess - not just how we have suffered, because also the pain of humanity now is also VERY PRESENT and to work around all that superficiality requires dissociating with the current mind set -

HMMMMMMMMM ........... So for me, I guess its more about hooking up with those individuals who also can't function - and making friends with them - to slowly learn how to trust again, to be loved and respected - to learn how to cope with those things - to simply trust again - exposing and confronting as best we can would make sense with the neuroplasticity without sitting down and doing tests - another form of connecting the right bridges from doing - getting back on the treadmill and moving.

OK >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> that's my rant for the day.

Thanks TIM .............. I too needed to get something off my chest.
Best of luck with it buddy and may you find peace in the struggles ahead.
Dave.

[AmberGbenga]

I'm short.. 5'2 or something.. But I'm a girl soo I guess it's okay.. But with my anxiety standing in lines I'm always so little.. I feel people looking down on me and feel so insignificant to them haha and my partner is like 6'.. And wide brimed.. I feel really little next to him haha

[Enduronman]

Is it legal for you to drive if you can't touch the pedals, see over the steering wheel, or smell the air freshener hanging from the mirror?

[Tim213123]

Thank you all for your replies.

Just to add - The friend I had in school who had a bad influence on me was into mocking disrespecting people and putting them down(but only vocally to me) . Was into being a 'gangsta' with the rap music. He never cared about school at all and didn't care about passing. I don't know why but I seemed to like this behavior, which lead me to only be friends with him(I didn't want other friends). As he left highschool leaving me to finish the last two years by myself I still thought like him. Mentally putting others down, thinking people were 'gay' and 'weird' Not striving to do good in school, only doing the bare minimal to pass. When my past friends prior to this guy were all kind and into doing the best in school etc

Its only after school that I changed. I learned to never put people down and respect them and always do your best. I watched a lot of youtube videos at the time and saw people with their bubbly personalities and how fun their life looked and learnt to become a better person. To help with my social anxiety I started focusing on my appearance. I gave attention to my hair my clothes and starting lifting weights. I wanted to gain confidence. I wanted to walk into a room and make other people jealous wishing they looked like me. I got complemented on my physique from lifting weights. I had totally different approach on life, always being the best person you can be and never put others down. I wanted girls to see me as attractive and this was a big motivation.

I then made a new (online) best friend from a online game and we always talked to him on the microphone. This person was very intelligent, wasn't afraid to sing to me and wanted to get the most out of life. I have meet this people in real life too.

Then at 21 I got really really depression about a completely different issure for like 6months and it was the worse feeling that I had ever had in my whole 22 years. I could not live any longer, but I always knew in the back of my head that one day I would feel happy and this wasn't going to be like this for the rest of my life. I didn't have the guts to end my life. Eventually I got though it and now everytime I get social anxiety I always thinking about this time and think how much worse this is then being afraid to talk in groups, etc. That's where the "stop being a little bitch" comes from. Its not about 'hardening up' but about there being far worse things in this world then being afraid to talk. I dare myself to just talk, its not the worse thing in the world if I get embarrassed and judged. Am I really going to spent my whole life and grow old to regret being anxious in social settings? No, I don't care what others think, this is my life and its not going to be ruined by something that shouldn't be ruined by.

However, I still get really upset with my self during Christmas day and afterwards say what a failure I am. We have Christmas lunch with family and cousins and the people my age are all the same. They are into the drinking life, partying and stuff. I don't much in common with these people. There's always a conversation about alcohol and im like in my head "you really think its cool to waste your life getting drunk when you want to have fun?" or something like that. It pisses me of my family that are around my age are all into this drinking culture lifestyle. I just stand or sit there being bored as shit, not making any conversation hoping no one notices that I'm not saying a word. Its the worse day every single year. And afterwards on boxing day I always get depressed saying what a failure I am. I can't even make a conversation with people even if its just to get through the day with people I don't like. I just wished there was a family member my age that didn't drink, was bettering his/her life with an education, someone like that, not just wasting their life.
Every Christmas I hope that this time its not going to be awkward. I try to improve my appearance every year for this one christmas day so I can make these people jealous and to give me confidence.

[Ponder]

I'm short.. 5'2 or something.. But I'm a girl soo I guess it's okay.. But with my anxiety standing in lines I'm always so little.. I feel people looking down on me and feel so insignificant to them haha and my partner is like 6'.. And wide brimed.. I feel really little next to him haha

Amber , it is OK for guys too. My brother is 5'5" like me, he does not buy into all this BS of being bigger and better. Sigh ...

[Ponder]

srry to shatter the Stigma guys:

I think his mind is on the future ... "yea yea get these snaps done; we got business to do" LOL
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/taller-women-6_zps8f4469e7.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/taller-women-6_zps8f4469e7.jpg.html)


Tom does not look so impressed. TOM "Jesus Christ! ... Did she really have to bring the high heels? ... "
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/tom-cruise-sexiest-short-man_zps8afb9cf2.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/tom-cruise-sexiest-short-man_zps8afb9cf2.jpg.html)

NOW THIS GUY has a firm grip on the situation and knows exactly what he wants to do -
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/14-img-1_zps2a67e6cc.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/14-img-1_zps2a67e6cc.jpg.html)

[Ponder]

There's just no stopping some people :)
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/tall-woman_zps5609051c.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/tall-woman_zps5609051c.jpg.html)

Peter Dinklage! This guy is a legend and these two are not posing - this is his wife and she could care less weather her man is shorter than her!
http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/tumblr_lzr8jrGYzP1rplp1fo1_400_zps1a36c50c.jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/tumblr_lzr8jrGYzP1rplp1fo1_400_zps1a36c50c.jpg.htm l)

So ... no doubt its all fun and games to some of the media, however the stigma does not stop some people. If your hung up on having a man taller and wanting a shorter wife - then all the more missed opportunity for you. There was a guy I once met in another forum call "stigmastomper" I think that's what I am going to do in this forum - all be it to the dismay of others.

[Ponder]

Here, I found an old one of my wife and I. As you can clearly see, it did not take long for us to hit is off. LOL - I had to get a vasectomy as the fertility match just had kids popping out as if we were rabbits or something :)
I think she is actually crouching a little to make the viewing experience a little more pleasing for others. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/laughing-hysterically-smiley-emoticon.gif (http://www.sherv.net/emoticons.html)

Of course the difference is not major in this case, however the distinction is rather black and white these days with little room for era! How Sad indeed... actually come to think of it, it would not surprise me if such "mixed" relationships have more chance for success other those that conform to the ideology of such narrow minded thinking of today's society - the superficiality of today's relationships based on perfect matches are no doubt, obviously short lived like two BIG stars that can not coexist within such close proximity. There's just too many of us on the damn planet and we act like spoiled brats.

http://i181.photobucket.com/albums/x30/davekyn/1504083_1416639398572948_1007670713_n_zps6cd9cb66. jpg (http://s181.photobucket.com/user/davekyn/media/1504083_1416639398572948_1007670713_n_zps6cd9cb66. jpg.html)