Nelly345
12-08-2013, 01:22 PM
Hello everyone, so I'm new to this forum, and I'm also not a native English speaker, so please bear over with me grammar-wise.
I'm a girl - 17 year old.
I have been suffering from tokophobia, for the past half year or so. It's getting to such an extent that I'm not enjoying life any longer. I have a constant irrational fear of getting pregnant by almost everything, and it's worst when I'm at home. I cannot use the bathroom, solely because of I have convinced myself that there's sperm on the toiletseat, and almost everywhere in the bathroom. So i pee in a bucket in my room, which also is my deepest secret, because of i know people would make fun of me, and avoid me based on that.
I wash my hands 10-15 times a day, and each process lasts for about 10 minuts of harsh scrubbing and usage of a huge amount of soaf, just so I'm able to touch my underwear and wipe myself. As I constantly fear that my hands are contaminated by sperm, even though I'm just at home. I know that my father always has some on his hands, as I've seen him scratch himself and other stuff all the time, it really worries me when he goes inside my room. He always touches my stuff and investigates (lack of a better term) in my things when I'm not home, and I've seen him multiple times have his hands and lay on my bed, so i don't sleep on my bed. I have told him to not touch my things, but he scolds me for saying that and gets really angry. My mother doesn't care. My mom have been suspecting me for not using our bathroom, so sometimes she had forced me to go to th toilet, even though it's my biggest fear at home.
When I'm outside, I don't sit on the public seats, but when I'm in college i just put my jacket under me wherever i go.
After I have been outside or I accidentaly got too close to something, so it touched near my private area, I will throw it in the washing bin immediately, and also change my clothes, including my underwear.
I hide my underwear and hygienic things (pads etc.), so my family won't touch it, but I always fear my dad have been touching it, I once saw him touching my underwear discretly and it was really weird, but i also threw it out right after that.
There's a lot more things my anxiety or phobia forces me to do, but I'm pretty sure that i can blame most of it on my family and my very strict and religious background, I know that they would disown me immediately if i got pregnant, and that i wouldnt have the money for an abortion (but neither a baby), so i would have to throw my life and future in the trash bin. I'm not religious myself, but I have been forced into religion, and it's eating my up inside, but that's another story.
Also because of my parents strictness and strict religious orientation, they would never understand my fears and help me get on the pill, so guess I'll have to stay around like this for a while untill I'm old enough to get my own place. But It's still not a life to live, regardless of the amount of time.
So I'm just wondering whether there's anyone else there struggling with the same phobia, I highly doubt that at the moment.
I'm a girl - 17 year old.
I have been suffering from tokophobia, for the past half year or so. It's getting to such an extent that I'm not enjoying life any longer. I have a constant irrational fear of getting pregnant by almost everything, and it's worst when I'm at home. I cannot use the bathroom, solely because of I have convinced myself that there's sperm on the toiletseat, and almost everywhere in the bathroom. So i pee in a bucket in my room, which also is my deepest secret, because of i know people would make fun of me, and avoid me based on that.
I wash my hands 10-15 times a day, and each process lasts for about 10 minuts of harsh scrubbing and usage of a huge amount of soaf, just so I'm able to touch my underwear and wipe myself. As I constantly fear that my hands are contaminated by sperm, even though I'm just at home. I know that my father always has some on his hands, as I've seen him scratch himself and other stuff all the time, it really worries me when he goes inside my room. He always touches my stuff and investigates (lack of a better term) in my things when I'm not home, and I've seen him multiple times have his hands and lay on my bed, so i don't sleep on my bed. I have told him to not touch my things, but he scolds me for saying that and gets really angry. My mother doesn't care. My mom have been suspecting me for not using our bathroom, so sometimes she had forced me to go to th toilet, even though it's my biggest fear at home.
When I'm outside, I don't sit on the public seats, but when I'm in college i just put my jacket under me wherever i go.
After I have been outside or I accidentaly got too close to something, so it touched near my private area, I will throw it in the washing bin immediately, and also change my clothes, including my underwear.
I hide my underwear and hygienic things (pads etc.), so my family won't touch it, but I always fear my dad have been touching it, I once saw him touching my underwear discretly and it was really weird, but i also threw it out right after that.
There's a lot more things my anxiety or phobia forces me to do, but I'm pretty sure that i can blame most of it on my family and my very strict and religious background, I know that they would disown me immediately if i got pregnant, and that i wouldnt have the money for an abortion (but neither a baby), so i would have to throw my life and future in the trash bin. I'm not religious myself, but I have been forced into religion, and it's eating my up inside, but that's another story.
Also because of my parents strictness and strict religious orientation, they would never understand my fears and help me get on the pill, so guess I'll have to stay around like this for a while untill I'm old enough to get my own place. But It's still not a life to live, regardless of the amount of time.
So I'm just wondering whether there's anyone else there struggling with the same phobia, I highly doubt that at the moment.