Shaun
12-05-2013, 02:52 PM
Just lately the past 6 months I've had it the most worst I've ever had in my entire 12 + years living with this, really intense more scary and dream like unreal I'm agoraphobic and don't have a good sleep pattern cause of my OCD I always go to bed really late and hardly get any sleep an sleep most the day, plus this past year I've been my most worried, stressed depressed cry at anything really anxious lack of sleep and in talking like 3 days without sleep at a time I loose weight then put it back on the loose it again so all this combined could contribute to it plus i take no medication I really want to get Better I'm scared to get out my safe zone which is my home and get help go places take medication in actually willing to but don't want to in case I don't adapt and come to terms with it all and be able to let go if the past 3 traumatic years of living with agoraphobia an all the horrible feeling I've been through all this on my shoulders knowing that and trying to move on it seems like my mind won't let me forget with the weight of all that in my shoulders I keep saying to my self this is me this is who I am if I like it or not I've got to get in with it but saying that just don't make me feel much better it does a bit but getting help makes it more real and scary I dunno where to start how do I approach getting better do I take it slowly and reduce all my OCD routines my life is based on my OCD it's my only structure I have in my daily life so if I stopped that I'd dunno how I'd cope or feel if I just cut it straight out is love nothing more to have a normal life back again and start to get things and my feelings of everything back to normal I just want that normal life feeling back it's just so hard and all I do is babble on so much on here sayings things I don't end doing cause deep down I'm just not strong enough to do it I'm mentally and physically drained sorry to rant on it's just that I don't have no one to talk to about it and writing it all down in here is like a relief it's getting it off my chest sorry though if I've annoyed anyone.