Christmas social splurge

[JustAnotherMe]

Not entirely sure on the spelling of splurge but sure you will forgive me.

I started a new job in the past year and went from working at home to working in an office with over 150 people in it. I had social issues before and anxiety issues that mainly seemed to stem around pubs and clubs but it never affected my professional life. The past 11 months have been tough.. Weirdly it has been easier to open to up "strangers" at work than many of the friends in my close circles who still don't know about my anxiety. I have worked hard on providing myself a support network of friends that do know but the past few months I have found that I am sick of listening to myself going through the same old shit every day so I don't tend to rely on them as much.

This culminated in a major anxiety attack at work, running out of the room and being unable to return to work for 2 days. Luckily I had informed HR and had them on my side but the past month where I had to return to work has been exhausting, my legs cramp from going in and sitting there day after day, clenched and so stressed. I am just about feeling human but now we are approaching Christmas with all the social situations and it's so much effort to go through.

Work social does are far enough I would have to often drive in to attend and there's no way I want to do these things sober. But if I drink them I am stuck there. I have arranged for a lift for the latest christmas do but I am so god damn tired. I'm tired of lying all the time to explain why I don't want to go out. And I know, I know that i'm near to just telling people, everyone and anyone, that hey, I really don't like hanging round with people for long periods of time but once I do then i'm "that guy" and people will just give up on me. I've been more depressed recently, which normally doesn't happen because I'm used to it and it's just the anxiety.

I am on basic medications but I have never got on with them when I was on them for depression. I've tried many, I've tried getting help and going to counselors. But right now.. right now I'm so god damn tired of carrying this all. I'm panicking when I'm with my nephews, which is just fucking ridiculous, I freak out after a while with my god damn nephew for fucks sake, he's only 9 months old and I can't even spend quality time with him. I'm so tired.. I'm just so damn tired...

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I don't expect answers and I know I will plod on but I needed to splurge. Or however you spell it.

[AmberGbenga]

I completely feel you... I know it's hard but maybe confide in a family member.. I'm exhausted too.. I'm trying everything in my power to kick this in the ass.. My anxiety can be when I'm first around the person, on my way there, or there for long periods.. It all depends on the person and situation. It sucks, I know it sucks but having someone there who knows and can help unstick you from being 'that guy' is weight of your shoulders, Christmas time is hell for majority of us anxiety sufferers...

[JustAnotherMe]

Hey Amber,
Thank you for taking the time to read and respond. I have opened up to my family over the past couple of years and you're right, they have been a complete rock to me recently. I guess I just feel as though despite doing everything I can think of, I am, at best, treading water and I'm getting mighty tired of all the effort.

Thanks again for your kind words, I hope that you manage okay with the upcoming festivities as well. Take care.

[Steven Daws]

I sympathise with how have been feeling. For many years I never attended a social event at work, and on the one or two occasions that I did, I didn't feel comfortable or felt any sense of achievement for taking the plunge.

That said, there is always positives to be gained from doing something that will push you. Maybe having some kind of escape plan in place that you can use to get away early, may make you feel more relaxed.

[JustAnotherMe]

Hi Steven, thank you for your supportive words. I ended up going to my works do, despite changing my mind several times during the day. Escape plan was in place but not needed this time. I don't think I did anything special to get through it, I honestly just got lucky and somehow dodged the couple of scarier moments. Thank you again, means a lot to know there are people out there who can understand what you are going through.

[Sockpuppet]

I know how you feel! I feel anxious being around most people but the more is definitely not the merrier. Anxiety is an ever present weight that makes you feel so exhausted. This time of year is just so hard for many of us who end up feeling guilty for lying, jealous of others, depressed over what's occurred or plain old inadequate a lot of the time. I know my anticipatory anxiety is always quite high at this time of year.

Having said that I have recently completed a CBT course (& in counselling & on meds) and some tips that have helped me are:

1. Use a calming breathing technique every day (breathing in for a count of 2, hold for 2 & exhale for 4 or any combo where your breath out is longer than breathe in) At the start I panicked and wouldn't proceed but with practise it has helped bring my anxiety down. I stupidly was using it in a highly anxious state and of course, it failed to work!! Once I tried doing it at different times it got better. It doesn't always work but once I started to drop the expectation of a 'result' I started to feel a bit better : )
2. Labelling the anxiety as 'it' or 'other' or 'the beast' or whatever external force you want it to represent, just continue to tell yourself when the symptoms/thoughts rush in "It's just the anxiety talking, not me" That has helped me to accept the physiological symptoms/negative thoughts when they come, label them and acknowledge its uncomfortable but they will eventually go away
3. Google 'thought diary', they have been powerful in identifying negative thoughts and challenging them.

No magic bullet Im afraid but some small things that have helped me. Anxiety has been with me my whole life and speaking causes a lot of apprehension. I often feel like I can't sustain people's attention on me or tell a story. It's very hard to stay in the now but here is a great spot to vent with like minded souls. It's been a life saver for me and certainly feel like Im not alone x

[JustAnotherMe]

I know how you feel! I feel anxious being around most people but the more is definitely not the merrier. Anxiety is an ever present weight that makes you feel so exhausted. This time of year is just so hard for many of us who end up feeling guilty for lying, jealous of others, depressed over what's occurred or plain old inadequate a lot of the time. I know my anticipatory anxiety is always quite high at this time of year.

Having said that I have recently completed a CBT course (& in counselling & on meds) and some tips that have helped me are:

1. Use a calming breathing technique every day (breathing in for a count of 2, hold for 2 & exhale for 4 or any combo where your breath out is longer than breathe in) At the start I panicked and wouldn't proceed but with practise it has helped bring my anxiety down. I stupidly was using it in a highly anxious state and of course, it failed to work!! Once I tried doing it at different times it got better. It doesn't always work but once I started to drop the expectation of a 'result' I started to feel a bit better : )
2. Labelling the anxiety as 'it' or 'other' or 'the beast' or whatever external force you want it to represent, just continue to tell yourself when the symptoms/thoughts rush in "It's just the anxiety talking, not me" That has helped me to accept the physiological symptoms/negative thoughts when they come, label them and acknowledge its uncomfortable but they will eventually go away
3. Google 'thought diary', they have been powerful in identifying negative thoughts and challenging them.

No magic bullet Im afraid but some small things that have helped me. Anxiety has been with me my whole life and speaking causes a lot of apprehension. I often feel like I can't sustain people's attention on me or tell a story. It's very hard to stay in the now but here is a great spot to vent with like minded souls. It's been a life saver for me and certainly feel like Im not alone x

Hey Sockpuppet, thanks for taking the time for this, your advise sounds very useful for me. I tried to get into CBT twice (I was assigned by GP) but they failed to register me twice on the course, so I spent months waiting for a response that never came. Which didn't really inspire much confidence so I decided to look up some things on my own.

With regards to point 1 - to clarify you do the breathing exercises when exactly? Just at several points of the day, regardless of how you're feeling?
3. I will check it out, thanks :)

Really helps to know that other people understand and are surviving it as well. Thank you.