Looking for anyone who feels like I do...

[amaranthe]

Hi everyone... I don't know what's been going on with me lately. In the course of about a month I have just drastically gone down hill. It's been scary. I just felt like venting in here would help me feel better. I don't have anyone to talk to right now. Well anyway... Just out of nowhere I started to get panic attacks. Those subsided and just left me with general uneasiness all the time about everything. And now I'm just so depressed. I just feel pretty 'blah' at the moment but so often I feel just like crying. I have to keep myself so occupied with something (anything!) just to keep negative thoughts away from me. I spend way too much time on the computer just doing crap like looking at "news" stories and stuff. I used to love my time being alone but now I hate it... I hate being alone. I have a problem with "intrusive thoughts". Like at random I get very horrifying scenarios of horrible things happening to me or people that I care about. Whhyyy?? I think I feel sorry for myself too much too. I guess the problem could stem from this fear that I'm going to be homeless come January (I won't go into detail about that). God, I just don't know what to do. I really don't have many options, actually. Don't have much money or savings. Don't have good credit. I don't really have friends or family to turn to either. Wow, my life sucks... but what is so sad is that there are so many out there with it SO much worse than me but still I just feel like it's the end of the world! I can't seem to shake this... It's like the end of everything in a month for me. I know that's just silly but that's the way it feels to me. It's a very complicated situation that I don't want to share. Embarrassing, actually.
So maybe that's the source of my sudden downfall... But I've always had problems... Just not to this degree. I was handling everything fine until recently. I want to feel ok again. Oh, and please don't tell me about homeless shelters... Ugh. Just no. The local one is always full with no openings anyway. I don't want to be a zombie on meds either.
I don't know what to do... I just can't see the light in this. Most of the time I don't even know what to do with myself. I don't really have any real hobbies anymore. I used to draw but I just lost interest in that a long time ago.
So lonely right now. I hope this post will actually be posted and not lost on the internet somewhere waiting for a moderator to approve it like my last one.
Anyone, I'd greatly appreciate your reply...... Thanks

[alankay]

Well I will just tell you that after over 30 years of being anxious, the worst never happens. You may just feel sad because you're having trouble coping and this may pass if you have some faith and hang in there. I know it's not easy. Alankay

[amaranthe]

Thanks for the reply... Yeah, I've GOT to change my thinking. It is so hard. Especially right now.

[Lee Grant Irons]

amaranthe,

You came to the right place. This is a great forum. I agree that it is nice to not have to wait for a moderator to approve your posts.

Just some thoughts for the immediate problem. My father-in-law actually spent a year living in a tent one year during college. Do you live in a relatively warm area? Are there any campgrounds nearby? Will you still have a job and transportation? If so, you should be able to live for a while in a tent until you can get better accommodations worked out.

Once you answer these questions, we can think about some other ideas.

[Ponder]

This place is awesome for letting people have their say. I find places that moderate posts before allow them to show, too controlling for me. I wish you the very best.