No one to talk to

[littleone123]

My boyfriends been so understanding and helped me but over the last few days he's changed and I feel he's getting fed up of me. He keeps being blunt with me and brushing off stuff. Iv got friends but if I was to talk to them I would have to explain from the beginning and it is too much for me to go over it all.

I now starting to feel alone everyone just keeps telling me I'm being stupid n to go out n do it.

[Lee Grant Irons]

Sorry to hear you are feeling alone. Sounds like you have a number of things complicating matters that you mentioned you don't want to explain. Maybe everything is very overwhelming. One of the best things I have found to help me get all of the overwhelming stuff of f my mind is to write everything down, all of my problems. Once they are written down where I know I will not lose them or forget them, then I can release them from my mind so I don;t have to keep track of them mentally. It can be very freeing. Then, as I feel a need to review my problems when I have time and desire to work on resolving them, I can pull out my list, remember where I left off with my thinking, and proceed from there.

This can be especially helpful with your relationships. Get your problems off of your mind, and you will find that you don't talk about them so much. Then you can focus on chatting with your boyfriend and other friends and seeing how things are going in their lives. You know... normal "what friends are for" stuff, except now you can be the shoulder for them to lean on.

You have a lot to offer.

[littleone123]

Iv tried the writing it down method and for me it don't work. And it's not that I don't want to explain things to my friends but more of the fact that it will take me hours to go through it all for people to get the full picture as to why I feel like that and no one understands anyway so be a waste of time

[Lee Grant Irons]

Sounds like you are where I was at one time. Simply just writing it down did not work for me either. But it is a starting point.

Are you willing to try something new? This might take you an hour or two. Get a clean, unused notebook. On the top of the first page, write the words "Happiness Is." Then below that title, write a number one and then a paragraph about something that happened to you in your past that made you happy. In the paragraph, explain what happened and why you think it made you happy. Then write a number 2, and another paragraph of another time in your life that you were happy and the reason why. Keep going until you run out of things to write or an hour has passed.

Then skip about ten blank pages of the notebook, and then at the top of another blank page, write the words "Happiness Is Not." Repeat the same exercise you did for "Happiness Is," except this time write about moments in your life when you were not happy and why. Some of the reasons why for some of these situations could be completely the fault of other people, because, after all, people can be evil sometimes. However, the cause of unhappiness in our lives is not always the fault of other people. This part is a little tougher, because you should think about how some of these situation might have made you unhappy because of the way you acted. An example in my life of a situation that does not make me happy is when I try to avoid doing something that I could easily do and for which the outcome one way or another really does not matter to me though it does matter to someone I love. I have learned that when my wife asks for me to do something for her that would be easy to do, but I don't want to do it right now because it might be a slight inconvenience, I am happier if I just do it rather than debating about how this moment is not the most convenient moment for me. When I wrote down my "Happiness Is Not" list, I would right down these general things that I discovered did not make me happy, and then I would right down a specific example of a moment when this general thing happened and I was unhappy as a result. So spend about an hour doing this or until you don;t have anything else to write.

Once you have written these two sections in your notebook, as moments come along through the next week that make you happy or make you unhappy, write them down in these two sections of your notebook. What will happen is that you will learn for yourself more specifically about why you are currently unhappy. BUt you will also learn why think you are unhappy. The next step is key. For any given situation that makes you unhappy, you must then try to 1. avoid the situation, 2. change the situation by the way you respond to it (as in my example, I would just go ahead and do what my wife asked), or 3. change the way you feel about the other person involved. This last one can be tough. But you have to look at the person, think about how you love them, and then tell yourself that because you love them, you can ignore this feeling of your personal unhappiness and replace it with concern and love for the other person. I think of the story of Rigoletto and the boy with the stutering problem who hated his father because his father yelled all the time. Rigoletto told him, "I think you love your father and hate the way you feel. Change the way you feel." The boy had to come to realize about why his father was upset and yelled all the time, and then change the way he saw the situation. Turns out, his father was out of work and frustrated because he loved his family but could not provide for them. His father needed help, and the boy realized he cold help his father by loving him.

Do this for a week. Try to get yourself into situations that make you happy, and try to modify the situations that make you unhappy in a way that would help you be more happy, or at least less unhappy. Come back and post here as you go along and let us know how you are doing. Keep in mind, this is just he start. There are other things you can do, but you have to start somewhere. Once you get these tasks done, you can move forward to the next step.

Are you willing to try this?

[jessed03]

Everyone gets tired of sick people after a while. At first people feel sorry for you, and want to help, after a while their patience wears out. They become frustrated at you holding them back, or leaning on them all the time.

People are programmed to avoid sick people. Studies have shown this. It isnt their fault, it's just in their minds. There isn't a lot to be gained from the sick, that's why. Usually the sick end up taking, instead if giving, and people often get frustrated at that pretty quickly.

I had anxiety for a long long time, and never really met anybody who understood things, especially when it all came down to the wire, and the pressures of life became obvious. You make peace with it though. The only real answer is to get better.

Are your meds doing any good?

[Lee Grant Irons]

If I could thumbs up on these forums, I would thumbs up jessed03. :) Understanding what jessed03 said can help you change the way you perceive those unhappy situations you have with your friends when they get frustrated with you, thus changing your situations with your friends to be more pleasant, or at least a little less unpleasant for you and for them.