ANXIETY AT WORK!!

[yasmin]

Hello,

I am a 28 year old woman suffering from social anxiety. For the past year I have been suffering with social anxiety at work. Every job that I have, I end up leaving because I start to feel nervous, I act weird, I get very shy, and I stop talking. Worst of all, people start to talk about me because I act like a fool and I dont talk. This makes me feel even worse and I either take alot of sick days or I quit.

This is really affecting my life and my marriage. My husband has gotten to the point where he is shouting at me for not being able to keep a job or bring in money. This I understand, but he tells me I am spoilt, lazy, and I need to grow up and keep a job. Even though I know I have to work, I cant bring myself to feel comfortable and end up quitting after a few months or after people start disliking me. I have even quit a job after the second day as I felt people were looking at me weird and didnt like me.

I dont know what to do. I also feel very ashamed to talk to a doctor because I dont look like the type of person that would be shy or act like I am insecure. I am an attractive woman and I get called for good jobs. Now I am worried that I wont get good jobs anymore because I dont have long term experience for my age. I feel like a child trying to skip school because of bullies. I really need some advice on how to solve this quickly because I cant continue like this. I am ashamed of the way my life has turned out!.
:oops:
Thanks

[setler]

It is hard to find a quick fix to the problem, but it is good that you are wanting to start to deal with the issue! In most cases, social anxiety is mainly treated with therapy. In other instances, medicine can be issued, but I believe therapy to be the best resource. You seem like a very intelligent woman and I believe you could help yourself with it as well. Although you are embarrassed to see a doctor, as many of us have been, it is something we have to eventually face if we want things to change. Besides, it is nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone faces different challenges in their lives, and this is one for you.

If you are not going to do any of this, I would suggest seeking out some of Dr. Claire Weeke's books on anxiety. I have heard nothing but great things about them.

I hope this helps you. Good luck :tongue:

[LarryM]

Sorry to hear about that. Im to new to the forum to post a link so I sent you one directly. I may help you and your husband.

[violet]

Hey, im sorry to hear about that, think it would help your husband to understand more about this too, as lack of understanding was my worse enermy. Im 19 and also suffer social anxiety, like you i cannot stay in a job for very long, its so frustrating as when i think things through logically i realise i have to do these things to face and deal with my anxiety, i am currently studyin my first year psychology, this has helped as i can sometimes use cognitive ways to help my anxiety, however i am not turning up to my classes most of the times, and i know the more you avoid it the stronger the anxiety gets, im letting it win. My job interview is in a couple weeks and i am very anxious just thinking about it, i go red when im havin an attack, you?? Hope you do find some great advice and remember you are not alone, which i thought. Id love to hear how you get on. x

[carolyndstress]

I also have the same problem. The longest I've held a job is a year and a half. My current job doesn't require me to work everyday, but my bills do. I only work about two days per week, and it causing problems at home. My boyfriend and I live together and he has to pay the bills because I never have enough money. I feel like a loser. Sometimes I turn down assignments because I am so exhausted from my mind racing all of the time. I recently tried to go back to school to pursue a degree in nursing, but my panic attacks were so bad that I had to drop out mid-semester. I was always affraid that I would be called upon to speak. And during the student loan counseling session, I had a severe panic attack and had to walk out 15 min into the session. The auditorium was packed with people and they closed the doors. I felt like I was about to die!!!
I have been taking Lorazepam for about four months and haven't had a panic attack since.

I hope eveything works out for you!!!

[Robert Tressell]

Hi,i know just how you feel,i am 43 and have had a terrible time holding down jobs because of social anxiety;I work in Sales and from Home,when i visit strangers ie Customers i'm fine,but if i have to visit Head office i dread this as i blush and do not feel comfortable:On the outside i'm sure people think i'm fine,but inside i feel crushed and sometimes i get tired of the fight.No one suspects,not even my wife and family.
However i've noticed that i'm only REALLY nervous at first in a situation,when i get into a conversation,though i'm still aroused ie Heart racing,i start to settle down.I've also noticed how nervous other people are too when they first meet you,and this kinda relaxes me!!
I've discovered that breathing,Valerian and St Johns wort are helpful,try to remember not everyone is super cool around you at work,it is normal to be wary and nervous at first !!I wish you the best of luck in your fight,KInd Regards,Bob

[BeachGaBulldog]

I have had the same problem holding jobs because of my SAD. I like to do my own thing, and am quiet. People assume that I am a snob, but I am not. They start to do all those things that you mentioned. There are jobs that I have quit the first day, or after a short period of time. The longest I have held a job is a year and a half. I just can't work in a setting with a lot of people. The office politics are too much. I have spent too many days dreading to go to sleep at night, because I didn't want to get up the next morning and go to a job I hated because of the people. I would count down the hours and minutes until it was time to go.
I am unemployed, and am trying to find something where there are few people, but of course, I can't.
Having never been married, I don't have the significant other breathing down my neck, but still, I know exactly how you feel. Life sucks.

[Fear]

I think you should get more angry and say things clearly both to yourself and your husband.Just to make the point.Try to overcome the idea "Oh,no they don't like me!".Trust me I know it is not easy.You gotta work day by day.Exercise to look into people's eyes.Do things like that.Exercise to forget what people say.Most important:don't stop to bad things and obsess yourself for that,or you'll never go on.Think about the new day.A new day is like a new beginning.Work day by day.That's really important.It helps me most of the time.

[Babimay]

There are three people at work that stand out when thinking about emotionally draining negative people.

When I work with one or all of these co-workers they really raise my anxiety level and they seem to determine the outcome of a good or bad shift for me. My job is not in any way stressful unless I work with these three individuals. A brief history, one of the co-workers have worked for my employer for seven years and the other two co-workers for over twenty years. These individuals are all over fifty years of age. It is obvious that these people need a change of employment in order to regain happiness or quality. I often wonder if these people are aware of how their negativity affect the people around them. Everything and anything seems to set them off. The day is an endless cycle of listening to their complaints and judgement of other co-workers. In their eyes, they are the only ones who ever get anything right. They seem to think that without them, the work place would simply fall apart and their fellow co-workers are idiots. These three individuals have very strong personalities and they often cause conflict at work by saying what's on their mind regardless of how inappropriate or down right rude.

This lovely girl at work is clearly having problems outside of work and she is possibly depressed, stressed out or suffers from anxiety like myself. I have never talked to her or asked her if something was wrong and how I could help. From my own experience this could distress the poor girl more if she has anxiety. Along with already having issues she will become even more distressed wondering what gave her away or how many other people are aware she is dealing with something

These three difficult and negative individuals at work have greatly contributed to this poor girls problems with their behaviors and actions towards this girl. What I'm not understanding is how three people can dislike such a nice person. This girl is very intelligent but does not in any way come off as being a "know it all" which is what she has now been labelled because of these three people. With that said, I have witnessed this girl lash out a few times but never with no good reason. I think some times she reads what people say or do the wrong way which is clearly because she is tired of being kicked while already down. In many ways this girl reminds me of myself and I can see that when frustrated she tends to take it out on the wrong people. Weaker people, iinstead of confronting the people causing her great stress. It's sad to watch really.

I'm not sure if these people make me anxious because of there negativity or if it's because they remind me of myself at times. Perhaps I fear becoming them in the future. Perhaps I fear life will create a negative, ignorant old coon out of me. Often I feel helpless dealing with these negative people at work. I know someone should be doing something about their negativity as its effecting so many peoples lives at and outside of work. From what I here at work the Head Honchos who city in big offices off site in the city are fully aware of the impact these people are having on new staff and aware that they have created many rifts or forced many staff members to resign do to the constant negativity.

My question is how does one with anxiety fix this problem?

It's far too often in my various employments that I watch this happen to good people and even myself. It's simply not fair. Perhaps these people have their own issues and being around like minded people with weaker personalities creates in a sense a "Fight or Flight" reaction fearing the reality that they suffer from the same personality or mental illness. Anyone have any solutions or methods of dealing with these people that actually worked in the past or present?

[shygirl]

Hi

I read your post and I felt like I needed to comment. When you wrote about that "nice girl" that obviously had problems outside of work without even ever talking to her, it reminded me of myself. I had the same exact problem at my previous work place. I worked in a Dental Facility in the Human Resources Department. I was told I didn't know my job, that I wasn't going to last long, and that I wasn't a people's person. I am in the military so they couldn't get rid of me. In the military they don't have the power to release you unless you committ a serious crime (even then they'll probably keep you). I've experienced more negative treatment directed at me than positive. My supervisors hardly ever talked to me or informed me on what was going on. Sometime's when they went out of state they didn't inform me. So, when other co-workers were looking for one of them, I couldn't even tell them where my own supervisor's were. Of course, everthing was always my fault, no matter what. When files went missing, paperwork was misplaced, or forms weren't filled out correctly, they pointed the finger at me. They would later turn up on their desk. They would whisper, shut the door, and laugh. I wish I could have had a tape recorder so I could hear what they were saying. That place was hell for me, it really was. When you're in the military, you can't quit or disrespect your superiors. You're supposed to respect them because they out rank you. Whenever I tried to defend myself I would be told that I was being disrespectful. I soon realized that other soldiers would misbehave and it would be totally ok. I was disliked just because I was quiet, reserved, and not an outgoing pary type of person. Nobody had to tell me people were talking behind my back, I already knew it. I hate myself for letting people walk all over me like that and treat me like dirt. But I couldn't defend myself because the entire workplace was unpleasant to me. What people didn't know was that I was verbally abused when I was a child, and that I joined the military to get away from home. I had very serious personal problems. I had no confidence, and I was scared of people. I think people could sense that in me, so they treated me so negative to make themselves feel better. I took everything they did to heart, but I never said anything. A few times I did lash out at people, and wanted nothing to do with anyone. I have had people look me up and down with disgust on their face, even some laugh. They judged me based on what they had heard, because I never did anything bad to anyone. After working at the Dental Facility

I was transferred to work at a military hospital right down the road. It was a fresh new start with new co-workers and a new working environment. People were much more pleasant and appreciative towards me. So, I was very happy because it made me realize that I was still a good perosn in other people's minds. I'm getting out of the Army and I am terrified of what to expect in the civilan world. I'm hoping that maybe I just picked the wrong proffession and that life will get better. I want to take an administrative job but I'm not sure how that will work out for me. I'm scared that people won't like me because I'm very soft spoken and I appear shy.I've been told by a lot of people that I look timid, mellow, depressed, nervous, etc. When people make comments like that it destroys me inside. It makes me wonder why people feel the need to inform me about something I don't have any control over. I can't change who I am. I may be all those things but that doesn't make me a bad person. In today's world being a "nice person" is a sign of weakness. When I defend myself, it's usually when I've had it. When I snap I let people have it but then I question whether I was right. I don't trust people because from my experience most people are fake. They are appear nice on the outside but are demons on the inside.

[BeachGaBulldog]

When I was young, and people said that I was "too nice", it would really bother me. As I grew up, I didn't care. A person doesn't even know me, and they say something stupid like that. To me, there is NO SUCH THING as being too nice. I was brought up with good morals, and I am who I am. I am not changing. If others don't like it, too bad.
The way that I look at it, is that to a lot of people, life is a game, and its like if you aren't willing to play along, then you are weird, or an OUTSIDER.
I have had a lot of jobs that I have quit because of my social phobia. The last one was 10 days ago. The job world is so bad that I had to take something, but I knew I wouldn't stay.
I can't work around a lot of people. An office with people who talk too much, have nothing worthwhile to say, and can't shut up, makes me sick. A bunch of lying, backstabbing game players. I have tried to find something that I can do independently.
It obviously really bothers people because I have always liked to do my own thing, and keep to myself. They need to worry about themselves. People assume that I am a snob. I am not at all, but they can think what they want to. I just don't trust people, because too many of them have hurt me.

[oilcoil]

Hi Yasmin,

I can understand your problem because I am a closed person as well and do not talk to people too much. Unfortunately this is not always that welcome behaviour because people do not know what to expect from you. The result is that they treat you as a threat against themselves.

This is why they isolate you. You can not find a person to talk to and feel alone, which is one of our most basic fears. Apparently it is unbearable for you and you try to avoid it the easy way: by further closing yourself or just by changing the job.

However at the new place you will face exactly the same problem because you have not solved the real cause: it is a kind of fear u bring from quite long. You have to find it and get rid of it!!! Is this the fear of making mistakes or of being laughed at? It is up to you to act.

Disregard other people reactions! Usually they just try to find an easy target to make fun of. This unites them and make them feel more confident, stronger and being able to address their own fears.

Once you identify the fear that makes you act the way you act and get rid of it, you will be a new person.

[danstelter]

and it was really hard. Eventually, however, after several years of struggle, I was able to overcome and I began to be able to function at jobs that previously caused me great anxiety. My advice would be to find a job that causes you less anxiety so that you can get used to that level. This higher level of anxiety seems to be a bit much for you to handle at this point. For me, it was very beneficial to work a job that didn't irritate my anxiety so much. I took this time to gain skill at managing anxiety, including talking to a counselor which is very helpful, and with that additional skill gained I have been able to work at places which previously would have been impossible to work at in the past. Don't be deterred; you just need to step back and gather yourself a little before moving forward again.

[FunPie]

I'm no psychologist but this does not sound like social anxiety per se, more like a fear of messing up at work. You don't have a distorted self-image like many people with social anxiety (quote, "I am an attractive woman") Of course, worrying strongly about what people think about you does sound like social anxiety. Maybe you need a psychologist to give to an complete evaluation.

Because you are an attractive woman you will be the a target for a lot of gossip, but many times it stems from jealousy. Just know that it has nothing to do with you.

[haleimage]

i have the exact same problem as you, i also jump from job to job because of my anxiety, so i know how you feel. . . :(

[Madrugade]

Sooo "nice" for me to hear that other people have the same problem as me!
I am 26 years olde and never had a job more than 4 months! I start off pretty good, meeting and greeting everyyone, but as time goes by, I start to isolate myself because I feel that people start to like me less and less. And I am not the outgoing funny kind of guy.

Anyway I think you should talk more to your husband and get more support for him (thats what boy/girl friends are for right? support if you need it)
Maybe you can talk to one of your supervisors about the problem? (I know its tough, I wouldnt have had the balls to do it). But firstof all, I think you should talk to your husband and make him understand and support you, that would probably give you a good start.