Why oh why do I have social phobia?

[oopsiedoop]

I am generally a very anxious person, but other things I can sort of understand. I was severely criticized growing up, so it's particularly bad at work situations and I can work out that in general, I have barely any self esteem. However, I cannot even rationalize the social phobia particularly like that. I mean, I feel like I'm going to die and that's hardly the case, right? I wouldn't even be out a paycheck, or even really be judged in any important way. Sure, I really want people to like me -- but if they don't, I don't feel intellectually that it really means all that much. I mean, I have to admit that I don't like most people anyway! And yet I am deathly afraid of socializing. Doesn't make sense.

[emotionalkid619]

alot of things you said sort of relates to me. Do not worry its all part of your anxiety. I know it may not make sense to you but its all about how you feel. Try taking things step by step and praying about it. I know I may not be of much help but I do hope you will be ok. You can always feel free to message me if you need someone to talk :)

[oopsiedoop]

I can't send PMs until I have ten posts. The irony of it is, this will be the tenth and then I'll be able to! Hahaha.

[casstar01]

The fact that you don't like a lot of people anyway could be in a strange way a blessing as far as your social phobia. I was given some really helpful advise from my new therapist. I too have no selfasteem and even if I don't really like someone I'm still absolutely terrified around them! It makes no sence! But what she said was basically something like this: we have no selfesteem so we view others judgement of us as very important- looking for exceptance. But if we can build on our own opinion of these people it gives US the ability to not like them. So it doesn't matter if they don't like us once we have determined we don't care for them. We choose who matters to us. Did that make sence? She explained this to me so much better and it was so helpful, but I'm not translating it very well, sorry about that. But I hope it helps. But, I feel just like you and can't understand why people I really don't like still make me feel socially anxious or like I need them to like me!?! What the hell is that about???

[oopsiedoop]

I think what your therapist said makes sense and you explained it very well. I am definitely looking for acceptance. It is a real liability. But HAAAAAAAAARD to get over!!

[casstar01]

I know!! That need for acceptance and validation that I matter and am loveable is so intense. I just can't seem to work over it!!!

[oopsiedoop]

One thing I'm learning in a support group I'm in is not to invalidate my need for validation! If you study people who are powerful, you see they don't take criticism lying down like a dog that's beat. So that's not the part that I should be changing. It's the part that invalidates myself and my own feelings, and that is afraid of rejection instead of feeling powerful enough to be myself and stand up to criticism.

[casstar01]

That really makes a lot of sense! I've never thought if it that way, but it's very helpful! :)