Women & Relationships. Why Do I Feel I Cannot Cope??? How To Fix ?

[KieranA001]

Hello,

So, I cannot stop thinking about this girl in my English and I have mixed feelings, because I don't know what to say about her. She seems to flirt a lot but she has a nice personality and everything yet she talks about how she doesn't want to get hurt and just wants a decent relationship. That's pretty ironic.

Anyway, back to what I was going to say... Why is it that when I get so close to having a relationship I start over-analyzing every bit of it and then I end up thinking something is going to go wrong to the point to where I give up just so I can get rid of this horrible feeling. I just feel something is going to mess up big time.

I don't know what, and now all I keep on thinking about is how angry I feel when I see men that have the opportunity to love girls and everything but then they just use them for one thing, and then ditch them. It makes me feel so sick, and I cannot help but have empathy for them. Especially if they're left with a baby. Everyone deserves happiness... They shouldn't be treated like a toy...

[casstar01]

It's perfectly understandable that you feel this way. It's a self preservation thing. You don't want to put yourself into something that can be very emotional that could potentially go very bad thereby leaving you devistated. I think it's really awesome that you feel so much empathy to women who are used and tossed away. You obviously have a great heart and if this girl is terrified of being hurt again you may be exactly what she is looking for. I don't know if this actually helped at all or was even what you were talking about. But I wish you all the best!

[KieranA001]

It's perfectly understandable that you feel this way. It's a self preservation thing. You don't want to put yourself into something that can be very emotional that could potentially go very bad thereby leaving you devistated. I think it's really awesome that you feel so much empathy to women who are used and tossed away. You obviously have a great heart and if this girl is terrified of being hurt again you may be exactly what she is looking for. I don't know if this actually helped at all or was even what you were talking about. But I wish you all the best!

It's a self preservation thing. You don't want to put yourself into something that can be very emotional that could potentially go very bad thereby leaving you devistated.

That's it! But, how do I overcome this ?

[KieranA001]

I also don't want to express myself, because, although I am pretty emotional I don't want to seem like I'm just after one thing. I also have depression which is making it a lot worse. I just feel that she thinks I'm a creep or something. What if she doesn't like me? What if I'm doing it all too quick ? When should I talk to her, I don't want her to think I'm pestering her.

[NeverToo...Fear]

It's easy to over-analyze situations--especially if they make us feel uncomfortable or they are a new experience.

That being said, it sounds like you have a good heart and good intentions. You are concerned of how other men treat women. You are not like that... it's good to over-analyze, but then there comes to a point to where it can be too much and 9 times out of 10 what we fear comes true...you'll end up messing something up--er not to scare you. I'm not saying that will happen, but our over-analyzing can lead to us being so overcritical, it can start to interfere with other people.

So how to overcome this? It's important to start small. Only open yourself up in little stages. Wait until you feel more comfortable before moving on to the next. We all are a little vulnerable, and we need to overcome some of these feelings just to feel less vulnerable. There's always going to be that feeling of wanting to pull away so we don't feel that vulnerability and possible rejection.... Try and be yourself. Your personality will shine through......good luck ! :)

[casstar01]

Also it's a good sign that she is talking to you about not wanting to be hurt by another guy. She's letting you know she doesn't want to be hurt and if she's flirting with you then she's maybe feeling you out to see how you respond to her feelings, while letting you know she's interested. Anyway, just my take on it. But I sooo get the fear of actually putting your feelings out there.

[jessed03]

I also don't want to express myself, because, although I am pretty emotional I don't want to seem like I'm just after one thing. I also have depression which is making it a lot worse. I just feel that she thinks I'm a creep or something. What if she doesn't like me? What if I'm doing it all too quick ? When should I talk to her, I don't want her to think I'm pestering her.

Women will forgive a lot of things in a man, a lot of things, but the one thing they won't forgive, is hesitancy, and delaying things. Once you delay, eventually the opportunity goes, and she moves on.

Your intentions are good. You know they are good, you know they are, because even we all know. You know you're good for this girl.

Women often date jackasses at first. They get lured into the excitement of it, but once they've been through that stage, they usually want something more fulfilling. She probably needs a guy like you, and maybe she realizes it as well, as that's why she's being kinda open towards you.

What if she rejects you? What if you read the signals wrong? What if it goes bad?

All legitimate questions. You don't have to do anything, you can self preserve as much as you want, it's your life and you are totally free to act as you see best for yourself. But a time comes, when you think, is self preservation, better than taking the risk here? And you think; what will annoy me more, getting rejected, or not taking a chance and seeing what happens?

And usually, a point arrives when your heart is set on fire by something or someone, whereby the thought of not taking the chance becomes more unappealing to you than the possibility of it going wrong.

And that's when you act.

[joolz5108]

I'm currently in the same situation as the OP, only i'm a girl. He's showing definite interest in me but i'm filled with worry and anxiety that he's going to lose interest. He asks me out on dates, kisses me goodbye, a total gentlemen. I'm having trouble relaxing around him, because I like him. Its really frustrating.