Relationship Worries help!!!

[worry_10years]

Hi,

Im new to this forum and want to introduce myself. I have been suffering with Anxiety and Depression for 10 years and have suffered in silence! I just cant do it anymore! I am sick of intrusive thoughts and feel so trapped. I have cancelled my wedding and doubt everything! My job! My Relationship! My life! I feel so low and housebound, like I cant breathe!

I have been on all kinds of medications and nothing is working! I am considering therapy but 10 years on I still have no diagnosis and need some advice.

D x

[quinteen39]

Hi worry_10 years
I can feel your pain. I know it is very frustrating. Anxiety and depression is not physically seen therefore in my view people can be less sympathetic and may not really understand the concept 'feeling trapped'. All the thoughts you describe are all in the mind. I know this because i am in the same boat. It is very frustrating. I know that the voices in my head are normally lies. I keep telling myself the voices I hear are not true and are trying to keep me back from achieving stability and progression in my life. However I just cannot allow my self to believe this. Have you tried telling yourself, your mind or however you wish to describe that the thoughts that are keeping you trapped are worthless lies, untrue

[worry_10years]

I just think its hard to feel any positive emotions when anxious and depressed so I have stopped trying. The last thing I want to do is cuddle or kiss my partner when I feel like this and It kills me. I am totally drowning and no matter how much I argue with the voices in my head it makes me feel worse. I just want a diagnosis!! There are so many complex-ed disorders out there I just feel confused.

[anxious aussie]

Relationship anxieties are awful because people are always telling you to trust your instincts in these situations but when you have panic/anxiety, you're creating thoughts and situations that most likely aren't true. Sometimes it just makes me feel like I'm not supposed to be in a relationship ever.
At the moment one of my biggest anxiety triggers is constantly thinking about how many people my current partner has previously been with. We've been seeing each other for about 10 months, officially together for 6 and including him I've been with 2 people. And I know his past and accept it and love him more than anything. But for some reason lately all I can think about is the fact that he's been with 25+ other girls. And I can't even explain how/why it stressed me out to much. Sometimes to the point of tears. I keep going over questions in my head. Did he know all their names? Was it a one off? Did any of them overlap while he was seeing me and I was just to naive to notice? Or Am I just letting my trust issues get the better of me for no good reason? I know he loves me and I know he's faithful. So why does this constantly play on my mind and stress me out so much?!

[worry_10years]

Are these thoughts you have constantly with you?
Relationship anxieties are awful because people are always telling you to trust your instincts in these situations but when you have panic/anxiety, you're creating thoughts and situations that most likely aren't true. Sometimes it just makes me feel like I'm not supposed to be in a relationship ever.
At the moment one of my biggest anxiety triggers is constantly thinking about how many people my current partner has previously been with. We've been seeing each other for about 10 months, officially together for 6 and including him I've been with 2 people. And I know his past and accept it and love him more than anything. But for some reason lately all I can think about is the fact that he's been with 25+ other girls. And I can't even explain how/why it stressed me out to much. Sometimes to the point of tears. I keep going over questions in my head. Did he know all their names? Was it a one off? Did any of them overlap while he was seeing me and I was just to naive to notice? Or Am I just letting my trust issues get the better of me for no good reason? I know he loves me and I know he's faithful. So why does this constantly play on my mind and stress me out so much?!

[anxious aussie]

It never used to bother me like this. I've always known about it but literally the last week or so it's constantly in my head and driving me insane cos I can't pinpoint what makes me so anxious about it. I have a lot if trust issues and I think part of it is me using it as an excuse to get upset and not get close. But it just plays on my mind constantly

[worry_10years]

I know that it shouldnt always be on your mind, If its constant its your anxiety. Im in the same boat I am with someone I love so much but I have thoughts that maybe I dont love him and is it him making me feel anxious?? Its not its my condition. Have you been to a doctor???
It never used to bother me like this. I've always known about it but literally the last week or so it's constantly in my head and driving me insane cos I can't pinpoint what makes me so anxious about it. I have a lot if trust issues and I think part of it is me using it as an excuse to get upset and not get close. But it just plays on my mind constantly

[lmr019]

I know that it shouldnt always be on your mind, If its constant its your anxiety. Im in the same boat I am with someone I love so much but I have thoughts that maybe I dont love him and is it him making me feel anxious?? Its not its my condition. Have you been to a doctor???
I understand everything you're saying. A huge factor with anxiety is that "obsessive compulsive". So you are letting your mind obsess over something that most people's minds don't. I have the same thing going on. And to be quite honest...I don't know what to do about it either!

[worry_10years]

I have come to the conclusion that we cant make any big decisions about relationships until im 100% better I just feel that if it really bothers me then i must love him because if I didnt worry I would just finish it? If that makes any sense. I had this anxiety disorder long before I met my partner so its not him its my OCD and Anxiety

[anxious aussie]

I have had the exact same feeling. I've been in 2 serious relationships and about 9 months in to both I get it. Do I love him? What if I can't find anyone better? Heaps of other rubbish questions. I have been to a doctor and I was on sertraline for a year. And it kind of helped although I felt as though it made me sort of numb to everything.
But I know it's my anxiety and trust issues putting up walls and making me think these things. I know I love him. Because I know how I felt when I no longer loved my last boyfriend and I certainly don't feel that way now. It's just something you need to gain control of. I know with my first relationship it passed and I couldn't believe I even thought these things. I guess it's a matter of waiting it out and trying to be stronger than the negative thoughts and just keep going everyday. Easier said than done I know!

[purpleorchid13]

I'm so glad you guys are talking about this. I never really suffered from anxiety.. Just an panic attack once in a while. I am with a wonderful guy who I love so much for about a year. I had to move out of state Bc I couldn't get a job at home. Now I'm 4 hours away. All of a sudden I got this anxious feeling towards my relationship. Like I am not into it anymore but I know I love him and I don't want to be with anyone else. I wish I would stop feeling like this. This upsets me so much bc I know I want to be with him and I don't understand where it came about. I was thinking maybe the anxiety of moving and starting a new job far away from home has a lot to do with it. I just don't get it. What do you guys think?

[AmberGbenga]

I used to get it too.. I'm in a long distance. It all works out, you know you love this person and long distance IS HARD! I was away from my man for 5 months before I saw him in. November and it was like we never left eachother.. Distance does alot to people.. Even the strongest if people. Communicate as much as you can with your loved one..

[purpleorchid13]

Is that what you think it is? It's all I think about. The thoughts consume me and it's all I think about. I wish it would go away

[AmberGbenga]

How long have you been separated without seeing eachother?

[purpleorchid13]

I just saw him this weekend. It was fine until I got back. Then I started feeling that way again

[lmr019]

You're just anxious about the change in your life. You're being exposed to new exciting things and the fact that your significant other isn't involved makes you THINK that you're okay without him.
Don't let your mind play tricks on you. If you still love him and the passion and joy of being with him is still there then don't sweat it!

[purpleorchid13]

You're just anxious about the change in your life. You're being exposed to new exciting things and the fact that your significant other isn't involved makes you THINK that you're okay without him. Don't let your mind play tricks on you. If you still love him and the passion and joy of being with him is still there then don't sweat it! thank you lmr019. It gives me comfort you saying that!