Work anxiety

[oopsiedoop]

I have every type of anxiety imaginable, but right now I have a job and I am suffering the most from work anxiety. I know that this comes from my parents being abusively critical of me, but that alone doesn't make the anxiety go away. My therapists have said things like, well if you get fired, you'll just get another job (which is not so easy!! esp. these days!) but it also doesn't help. Rational thoughts eventually get me out the door, but before that I go through an agony of anxiety.

[Perses]

Oopsie,

How is the work itself? Are you doing something interesting? In other words, is it the work itself and the people that you are working with which are causing you anxiety because you don't mention anything about that in your post?

[oopsiedoop]

Your response triggered the thought in me that if the work was interesting, I would have much less anxiety because my mind would be otherwise engaged. In fact I remember jobs I loved that I couldn't wait to get to. But jobs like that are few and far between so I can't keep switching to find one. It would mean being unemployed for long stretches of time for one thing, because getting any job at all is hard! So, the fact is I have had anxiety at almost every job, and at every school I went to, as well, while I'm at it. I also have socializing anxiety, plus agoraphobia, but I'm also anxious being alone. So basically any situation in which I'm not perfectly safe makes me panic. I guess normal people just feel more safe in more situations. They certainly have more faith in themselves, for one thing, which allows you to take control of situations which might not be completely safe. As for this job specifically, it might sound like it's a particularly hard one for someone with anxiety because I have to knock on doors cold and ask for interviews from people -- I am working on a research study for the Dept. Of Education. But I had panic attacks when I was just a secretary and only had to pick up the phone and type a letter now and then! I just thought someone would pick up on me for being out of line in some mysterious way because it was a very corporate environment. I know I need a smaller office, but I have not been able to find one or the ones I've seen that might be are in things like trucking which I have no interest in. It would kill me to have to settle for something like that. This job has its up sides, like I make my own hours, and can take a break whenever I want, and have no one looking over my shoulder, and I'm not stuck to a desk, and I can dress how I want. The anxiety that I have that permeates everything I do is that I just won't be good enough.