Travel Anxiety Affecting Job - Need Advice BADLY

[unity319]

Hi All,

Thank you all for reading. I'm a 34 year old single mom who's been suffering with depression most of my life and a debilitating panic disorder for the past 12 years. My panic disorder has gotten progressively and significantly worse in the past 4 years; now affecting and holding me back from all aspects of my life. I have an intense agoraphobia and it's a struggle most days just to get up and go to work.

I have a job that I love; I've been with the company for 5 years and received a promotion and transitioned into a new role almost 2 years ago. Last spring, my boss decided he wanted our team (5 of us total) to take a business trip to New York City (I'm in Boston). I tried every excuse in the book, but he wasn't having any of it. I finally broke down and I told him about my anxiety disorder and my inability to travel. It was embarassing and humiliating but I knew I couldn't handle it. It's now close to a year later and my boss' boss has just planned a 3-day company meeting an hour and a half away.

I don't know what to do; just the idea of going sends me into a full-blown panic attack. The reason he's having the meeting at this place is so everyone can get away for a little bit and have fun, but this will be complete terror for me. I fear if I don't go, I will lose my job, and because of how intense my panic disorder is I don't think I will ever find another one.

I'm in my office now and can't stop crying and people are starting to notice.
Does anyone have any advice? Does anyone know if it's possible to lose your job because you refuse to travel due to a disability?

Thanks in advance for the help!!

[tailspin]

Hi unity, Welcome to the site! Honestly, I don't know enough about the legal implications of this, but, coming purely from a point of view of the quality of your life, I just want to say that it is really important to try and work through this and find a way to be able to travel again. I totally agree that an Anxiety Disorder is a disability. But the thing is, it becomes even more of a disability if we allow it to overtake our life. I wish I had continued to push myself earlier, because things only get worse once you stop doing that.

Obviously, everyone is in danger of reaching a breaking point and I'm definitely not suggesting that you - or anyone - just finds a way to "snap out of it" and to continue on as if everything is ok. I'm talking about acknowledging that this is a big problem and then seeking professional help. You don't mention medication or therapy here and I'm wondering if you're able to look into these options? It seems that, generally, a combo of meds and therapy is the best way to move forward (though I admit that I am still struggling and it can be quite challenging!)

In the meantime, this is a great place to find support!! You are definitely not alone with this and a lot of people have been able to recover completely from agoraphobia!

By the way, congratulations on your promotion!!

[trinidiva]

Is it actual the travel that bothers you or jusy being somewhere unfamiliar that's causing the anxiety? You could probably talk to your doc and see if they could prescribe a quick acting benzo just enough to get you through the trip. I don't care much for traveling either... but once I'm there I'm ok.
Good luck to you.