Think I've snapped yet again

[RT24]

I was doing really well for a few weeks. Then I suffered a lot of stress and now I'm on this bumpy road of anxiety in a really aggressive form. It's coupled with some really bad depression and OCD returning as well. But today's the first time in a while where I felt a "symptom" so real. Trouble is, I'm not sure if it's serious or not.

So I figured at first I was hearing voices, even if it didn't "feel" like a voice. It felt like it was outside of my control and inside of it at the same time. That is, it felt like my brain was the one behind it, but I didn't feel like I was consciously making an effort to conjure it up. Almost like a song stuck in my head. That and it's not really a conversation. It's just one phrase that I say a lot as part of my OCD rituals over and over again. I often say it on reflex but I don't think its simply come out of nowhere like this. As if it just keeps popping up in my head over and over. I'm really terrified and I'm worried this may be it for me. I'm also pretty worried that this may not be something that could even be fixed, that this is hopeless.

I'm so scared.

[jessed03]

You know what this whole situation needs? Needs to be devalued. It's not worth a lot really. Feels like it is, but it isn't.

I think you can ride this, if you let it go. If you've been doing really well, then something good is happening somewhere.

Anxiety-cure isn't a linear process, so don't sweat it. It's not like dying on a video game, and going back to the start.

Like you said, you've become stressed. A physiological process has taken place because of that stress, and the resulting changes; the adrenaline perhaps, the serotonin change perhaps, have exacerbated some symptoms...

But stress always goes if you let it. Always. Stress wasn't really made to be a permanent state. So, let it go. You may feel shit for a while. It won't be nice. You may feel low, you'll probably have some of those annoying repetitive OCD things that come into your mind, maybe even desires to do stuff, but that's ok. In the long run, that's ok. It will happen. It's a part of the condition you have right now and that you need to work through.

This isn't a set back buddy. It's a test. You gotta pass these to get better. If you fail them, you keep staying where you are.

What? You didn't think anxiety was gonna just give up did you? ;)

It's had god-like power in your mind, ruling over it, getting you to listen to it's fearful talk, getting you to participate in it's games. It's had a TONNE of attention from you. It's been made to feel like a movie star. It won't go peacefully.

Sure, it stays quiet for a bit. But it waits, and it watches. Then... Just as you're slightly vulnerable, it knocks on the door again. It says Hi!! Remember me? And then it starts to talk in it's charming way. It talks like its your friend. Like it's trying to help you. But it isn't. It's game is purely selfish. It wants complete control over your mind again, and will sell you anything to get it...

'I might never get better'

'I could be broken'

'This could be a disaster' etc etc etc....

Suddenly you listen to what it says. It knows you well. It knows what you'll buy from it.

But it can't come in and live if you don't let it. Treat it like an unwelcome guest. Ignore it. Give it no food i.e. attention. Laugh at it and make it feel insignificant. Eventually it spots a losing game, and leaves. Nothing will stay where it isn't fed.

Just remember, it will hit you with some very strange, and worrying thoughts and symptoms. It will lie to you and scare you and make your thoughts filled with doubt and worry.

But it can't stay without your permission. Only, nobody realizes that. They ask permission to live from their anxiety, when it should be the other way round.

Whatever happens, stay neutral. It's ok. No problem. No big deal. It is all passing. Let it pass. Be humorous.

Don't let what was some passing stress, become a long term cause of more stress.

Not even the greatest salesman in the world can tell you something if you just do not buy. Don't buy anything it tries to feed you.