im at the bottom of bottoms

[mikecole114]

hello,
i dont know if youve read my other posts so im going to quickly fill you in with some details of my situation. im 18, just started uni, girlfriend cheated on me within a week of going uni. all my friends at home have stopped talking to me because they are bored of my anxiety. they dont wanna know they want happy conversations which i cant have. recently ive found my anxiety has turned more and more into depression at the weekend i stayed in bed for all of it. my flat mates would knock on my door and id sit there doing nothing and ignore it. i hate myself and i am my worst enemy. i hate every decision i do and every thing i say but how can you live with someone you hate especially when its YOU. i feel more alone then ever, i dont even want anyone to read this i just want to write down my emotions. i have a problem admitting i have sucidal thoughts. im too much of a pussy to ever do anything dont worry but i find its all i think about when im alone because i hate myself so much. sometimes i just feel im begging for attention crying out for help but have no one to turn too. i want to injure myself servely 'by accident' just so i may recieve a couple of texts asking how i am. im on anti depressents and so scared to go off them because i know i may actually kill myself. i cant and havent told anyone how i feel about the sucicide but i really want to but when i told my friends and family about the anxiety and depression they treated me as an attention seeker or that im exaggerating how i feel. i want someone to want to talk to me about this stuff and not just coz they are my councillor once a week but because they actually want to. and i have a good realationship with my sister who i would confide in but she lives the other side of the country and i need a friend here right now. i need a big hug and someone to want me. nobody wants me not even me.

truth

[mike98t]

I'm praying for you mike

[alankay]

Keep talking to the counselor and ask your doc about another AD, a higher dose or an add on. Does sound Like a nasty fit or being depressed. I feel for you. Pm me any time. Alankay

[tailspin]

Hey Mike, I'm really sorry to hear how bad you're feeling. I would definitely get back in touch with your doc or psychiatrist right away and tell them that your current AD just isn't working. I believe you're on Celexa/Citalopram? And that you've been on it a few months now?

I'm in a similar situation in that I'm also now weaning off my current medication with a view to trying something else. It sucks and I'm not looking forward to going through the rigmarole of starting a new drug, but hopefully it will help.

I really hope that you can try something different also. I know that medication isn't the be all and end all and that there's more to it, but if you can just get on a med that will bring you up off the very bottom, that will put you in a position to get out and about more and that should have a positive knock on effect all round. Do keep talking to your counselor too and be really honest about how bad you feel.

It's great you have a good relationship with your sister. I would definitely confide in her. I know it's not the same as having someone right there, but I'm sure it will help to open up to someone who really loves you and who you know won't push you away or dismiss your feelings.

It's nice your flatmates kept checking on you over the weekend. Are you able to confide in any of them?

Thinking of you and really hope you can do something with your doctor about your meds and that you start feeling better soon.

[Chris C]

Mike I'm sorry you're going through this. You're not alone. I too have been overwhelmed with anxiety and depression lately. I haven't left the house in over a week and spend most of the day in bed.

I recently saw a new doctor and had my meds adjusted. I hope you speak with your doctor about your about your medication.

There is a light at the end of this. Don't give up hope.

[HealthAnxNut]

Sending you a HUUUUUUUUUUGE cyber hug right now!! I believe there is energy all around us, and I'm sending some to you!

[mousecat]

Hey man, I'm nearly 40 but I went through a similar problem when I was 18. My girlfriend was a bitch to me, she broke my heart. I did stupid things to try and make her feel sorry for me, like depriving myself of sleep or wandering around crying where I knew she might see me. It didn't work. I thought I would never get past that horrible time.

But I did.

A few years later I married somebody else who is the best lady in the world and we have a beautiful son together. Have faith, everything happens for a reason. You are young and though it feels like a pit of despair right now, trust me, it gets better. SO much better.

[mrseyeore]

I know it feels overwhelmingly sad to be betrayed. But at your age women are fickle. It's not your fault - it's hers. Someone will come along someday that you connect with and love you. I can speak from past experience. It takes several tries to find the right person. It will happen for you when the time is right. Focus on yourself first. Friends and your sister can help. Find what relaxes you and makes you happy. For me it's a cozy couch and good movie.

[Ahlstrom]

I know how how you feel man. I'm 20 and live in the middle of nowhere, depressed, never had a girlfriend, and just straight lonely. A while ago I started having suicidal thoughts, and my only advice is to fight it the best you can and let it pass. Mine had a grip on me so bad for a few weeks and has eventually lessened, hang on and learn how to identify what is causing your depression and go and fucking DESTROY IT.