mikecole114
11-19-2013, 07:57 PM
hello,
i dont know if youve read my other posts so im going to quickly fill you in with some details of my situation. im 18, just started uni, girlfriend cheated on me within a week of going uni. all my friends at home have stopped talking to me because they are bored of my anxiety. they dont wanna know they want happy conversations which i cant have. recently ive found my anxiety has turned more and more into depression at the weekend i stayed in bed for all of it. my flat mates would knock on my door and id sit there doing nothing and ignore it. i hate myself and i am my worst enemy. i hate every decision i do and every thing i say but how can you live with someone you hate especially when its YOU. i feel more alone then ever, i dont even want anyone to read this i just want to write down my emotions. i have a problem admitting i have sucidal thoughts. im too much of a pussy to ever do anything dont worry but i find its all i think about when im alone because i hate myself so much. sometimes i just feel im begging for attention crying out for help but have no one to turn too. i want to injure myself servely 'by accident' just so i may recieve a couple of texts asking how i am. im on anti depressents and so scared to go off them because i know i may actually kill myself. i cant and havent told anyone how i feel about the sucicide but i really want to but when i told my friends and family about the anxiety and depression they treated me as an attention seeker or that im exaggerating how i feel. i want someone to want to talk to me about this stuff and not just coz they are my councillor once a week but because they actually want to. and i have a good realationship with my sister who i would confide in but she lives the other side of the country and i need a friend here right now. i need a big hug and someone to want me. nobody wants me not even me.
truth
i dont know if youve read my other posts so im going to quickly fill you in with some details of my situation. im 18, just started uni, girlfriend cheated on me within a week of going uni. all my friends at home have stopped talking to me because they are bored of my anxiety. they dont wanna know they want happy conversations which i cant have. recently ive found my anxiety has turned more and more into depression at the weekend i stayed in bed for all of it. my flat mates would knock on my door and id sit there doing nothing and ignore it. i hate myself and i am my worst enemy. i hate every decision i do and every thing i say but how can you live with someone you hate especially when its YOU. i feel more alone then ever, i dont even want anyone to read this i just want to write down my emotions. i have a problem admitting i have sucidal thoughts. im too much of a pussy to ever do anything dont worry but i find its all i think about when im alone because i hate myself so much. sometimes i just feel im begging for attention crying out for help but have no one to turn too. i want to injure myself servely 'by accident' just so i may recieve a couple of texts asking how i am. im on anti depressents and so scared to go off them because i know i may actually kill myself. i cant and havent told anyone how i feel about the sucicide but i really want to but when i told my friends and family about the anxiety and depression they treated me as an attention seeker or that im exaggerating how i feel. i want someone to want to talk to me about this stuff and not just coz they are my councillor once a week but because they actually want to. and i have a good realationship with my sister who i would confide in but she lives the other side of the country and i need a friend here right now. i need a big hug and someone to want me. nobody wants me not even me.
truth