fovar
11-12-2013, 08:36 AM
I'm in high school (not from USA by the way) and I've been a fairly normal person in my life. I have friends, a good family and I excel at school. I think people like me, and I've always been able top make people laugh (I'm the typical class clown), but this changed about half a year ago.
I started noticing people were making fun of me behind my back. Some people seemed to try to help me, but I had no idea what they were talking about. I became extremely paranoid, looking for hidden messages when people were talking to me, trying to figure out what was going on, and at some point, I started having panic attacks. I'm now in a state where I don't want to go to school, and I have the feeling of wanting to sit in my room for the rest of my life. Or just move to another contry and become a homeless person. I don't know who to talk to about this (even my friends are "in on it") so I'm hoping that I can get some help here.
The problem, which might seem funny for you guys as well, seems to be related to clearing my throat. At least I think so. This is something that every human being have learnt by themselves before the age of 6, and which might seem like a really weird thing to not know how to do, but I really don't. Like, I know how to cough, "ahem" etc. but I seem to be doing it wrong, at the wrong times or not doing it at all when I should. Or maybe I've been using some non-social method of doing this (spitting, excessive harking) when I'm alone, since it doesnt seem to happen when I'm alone.
What happens is that sometimes I suddenly get a really high pitched voice while talking. Especially in the morning, or after eating. After that, whoever I'm talking to seem to notice it and go "here we go again" in some fashion.. Or just smile/laugh subtly and walk away. This seem to just happen randomly, I have no control of when it happens. I notice no cues from my body that something is about to happen. Afterwards, I just feel really bad. I have a hard time concentrating, difficulty breathing and my throat gets really dry. It's in this state that I sometimes get panic attacks (when I'm around other people). It's like my body "explodes", and then I start sweating and freezing, feeling even weirder than before.
My family and friends seems to think I'm too fragile to be blunt about the problem (they are probably correct, I'm extremely shy/introverted, even if I am/was the class clown), and they're trying to "help" me by talking with hidden messages (I know this sounds paranoid, but it's definitely true.) They insist on giving me ice cream, warm beverages, cakes, to help with whatever just happend, and sometimes goes out of their way to ask me stupid questions, just to make me talk. I'm assuming all of this is related to my "problem". But they don't seem to understand that the biggest problem is that their help is just making it worse. Because there's always different ways to interpret their "help", I'm just making up theories as I go, but I never know if the theory is correct or not. Or maybe there's several problems.
So yeah. I know this is silly, it's like that Seinfeld episode where some woman don't know how to move her arms while walking, but it's completely ruining my life, I'm getting more and more depressed by the day, and it's affecting my grades at school as well. Since people can't be blunt about it, I'm hoping that posting this anonymously on a forum where people at least know how bad it is to be depressed will help me instead of laughing at me. Could someone please enlighten me, so I can at least be sure on what the problem actually is? I'm guessing that normal people will know after reading the "symptoms" above.
I started noticing people were making fun of me behind my back. Some people seemed to try to help me, but I had no idea what they were talking about. I became extremely paranoid, looking for hidden messages when people were talking to me, trying to figure out what was going on, and at some point, I started having panic attacks. I'm now in a state where I don't want to go to school, and I have the feeling of wanting to sit in my room for the rest of my life. Or just move to another contry and become a homeless person. I don't know who to talk to about this (even my friends are "in on it") so I'm hoping that I can get some help here.
The problem, which might seem funny for you guys as well, seems to be related to clearing my throat. At least I think so. This is something that every human being have learnt by themselves before the age of 6, and which might seem like a really weird thing to not know how to do, but I really don't. Like, I know how to cough, "ahem" etc. but I seem to be doing it wrong, at the wrong times or not doing it at all when I should. Or maybe I've been using some non-social method of doing this (spitting, excessive harking) when I'm alone, since it doesnt seem to happen when I'm alone.
What happens is that sometimes I suddenly get a really high pitched voice while talking. Especially in the morning, or after eating. After that, whoever I'm talking to seem to notice it and go "here we go again" in some fashion.. Or just smile/laugh subtly and walk away. This seem to just happen randomly, I have no control of when it happens. I notice no cues from my body that something is about to happen. Afterwards, I just feel really bad. I have a hard time concentrating, difficulty breathing and my throat gets really dry. It's in this state that I sometimes get panic attacks (when I'm around other people). It's like my body "explodes", and then I start sweating and freezing, feeling even weirder than before.
My family and friends seems to think I'm too fragile to be blunt about the problem (they are probably correct, I'm extremely shy/introverted, even if I am/was the class clown), and they're trying to "help" me by talking with hidden messages (I know this sounds paranoid, but it's definitely true.) They insist on giving me ice cream, warm beverages, cakes, to help with whatever just happend, and sometimes goes out of their way to ask me stupid questions, just to make me talk. I'm assuming all of this is related to my "problem". But they don't seem to understand that the biggest problem is that their help is just making it worse. Because there's always different ways to interpret their "help", I'm just making up theories as I go, but I never know if the theory is correct or not. Or maybe there's several problems.
So yeah. I know this is silly, it's like that Seinfeld episode where some woman don't know how to move her arms while walking, but it's completely ruining my life, I'm getting more and more depressed by the day, and it's affecting my grades at school as well. Since people can't be blunt about it, I'm hoping that posting this anonymously on a forum where people at least know how bad it is to be depressed will help me instead of laughing at me. Could someone please enlighten me, so I can at least be sure on what the problem actually is? I'm guessing that normal people will know after reading the "symptoms" above.