Seb
11-11-2013, 02:47 PM
Im a 21 yeard old man, who went through a lot of things through his life, born in a poor country in eastern europe i had to travel a lot to study and get some jobs to support myself. anyway my story about anxiety started 6 years ago i was in college, used to think that my life was ok and i was normal, but looking back now i realise that i was anxious about everything, every morning in the bus my chest was exploding i was so anxious about everything and i was trying so hard to hide it that i always made it worse, i used to listen to metal and just meet my friends and get drunk, whenever i was drunk i was a friendly chilled out guy. in this period i had my first panic attack, i went to sleep and i felt like something in my mind turned on and i was going to die or to experience some incredible revelation,in the next minutes my muscles were so contracted that they felt like they were made of steel, anyway i remember i woke up and since then i felt a bit different like something changed in me.A couple of years passed and no panic attacks but still the anxiety was present, i always asked myself whats wrong with me why other people can enjoy themselves and im always self aware , afraid, anxious and just a heavy thinker, in a way this period helped me a lot because i read a lot and i also started playing music. Things changed when i went to Sweden to study, i was alone,broke, and i received bad news from back home, 2 of my closest persons died, and i also broke up with my gf after a great 3 year relationship, anyway i was still young and unexperienced(still am) and i thought feeling bad and low is normal (which is to a point) . But things got serious when panic attacks came back, what i experienced in 6-8 months time im sure many of you on this forum experienced but can't fully describe, basically i was living in a panick attack, my mind was runnin 1000 miles per hour for 24 hours, i was worrying constantly about everything, what if i get a disease ,what if a global war starts,why was i born in my country, why people are different, anything!! Then whenever i had a hungover things were out of this world, i felt like i ll never be the same, like i ll never get better and im to blame for this, i was trying to find reasons why i got to that point, many times i was blaming my parents, my friends, my actions in the past and in general i had a very dark view on life, then at a point i started running, eating healthy but i was to conscious on how and why i feel that i couldnt feel any difference, i tried to talk with friends but most of the time they couldn;t understand me and also the only way to communicate was itnernet, so at a point i decided i need to do smth about this, and because my budget was limited i had to talk to a CB (cognitive behavioral) therapist from school who opened my way towards healing (if you can say that, cuz this is no disease) basically she introduced me to self talk, breathing exercises, TEA exercises where you write down your thoughts and find the distortions in the way you think, and many more, she introduced me to a book that helped me even more (im pretty sure i can't mention the name, but i can tell you the name on private, and no im not trying to advert a book). after 1 year since i was sure im doomed and i ll never make it i can say that i found the pleasure of life and i learned a lot about it, im not healed and i wont be soon but i feel that every day im making progress, so when you feel that your down in the pit just remember that other people made it without pills or expensive therapy. I hope i can help anyone and feel free to message me, i know that anxiety can make you feel lowest of the low.