I feel like I am all alone

[seal]

I have been struggling for the past two months, I started having panic attacks while I was driving to work. I went to the doctor at first they just told me it was anxiety, and then I had more panic attacks and they ran blood tests. At first they thought it was hyperthyroidism, and I felt a little relief because there was something causing this problem. Then I kept having more problems, they blamed it on a UTI, then I had a holter monitor put on for my heart. I have to wear that for a month. I have seen two different doctors, one still thinks I have a problem with my thyroid and the other doctor disagrees. I have been prescribed every anxiety med, I have only taken the lorazepam and it helped to a certain extent but at times made me loopy. I am too afraid to try the other meds because I am the type of person that worries about the side effects of all medicine. I still think there is something else causing all of this, but I sit at home and worry that I am dying. I have an overwhelming fear of this, to the point I don't want to move. I know that I suffer from anxiety but I worry about other things because my muscles are sore and achy, my chest hurts, I have moments where I feel so weak and shaky and I'm not sure if any of these are caused by anxiety or not. I am currently taking atenolol as a beta blocker, this semi helps with some of my problems, but only for a little while. I fear that I will never feel like a functional human again. I feel like I am dying to the point where I can't sleep. I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense but does in some ways feel nice to get this off my chest.

[tailspin]

Hi seal, Welcome to the site! You are definitely not alone with this and I know you will find many people here who can relate. It is very common to be reluctant to take psychiatric meds. A lot of us put off doing this for a long time because we were worried about side effects. And some folks still don't take them for that reason. Personally I did find it helpful to take an anti-depressant. I tried really hard to manage my panic attacks without medication, but in the end I wasn't able to. I know anti-depressants don't work for everyone, but they can make a difference - for some people they make a huge difference. At any rate, I do believe they are worth a try when the anxiety becomes crippling. I would really recommend therapy as well. A lot of people swear by certain supplements and dietary changes and if you have a read through some of the "Sticky Topics" in the General Discussion Forum you'll find a bunch of very helpful info about this.

In the meantime, I really hope you can get to the bottom of the possible hyperthyroidism too and treat that. Good luck!

[seal]

Thank you tailspin, my doctor did prescribe me an anti-depressant but I wasn't very sure about taking it. He swears it will help me. I have also thought about therapy but I am still very new to the area I am in and wouldn't know where to look, I know I can ask my doctor but I fear that there's nothing close by. My anxiety has become so crippling that I am thinking about moving back to California with my parents. Thank you for the advice....it gives me something to think about.

[PanicPhobia]

Hi Seal. I have went through exactly the same thing. When my anxiety gets bad, I cannot think about anything else other than "I am dying." I will sit at night and think about it constantly. Every time my heart skips a beat or I feel the slightest pain anywhere, I start having panic set in. It is hell. I too felt all alone like I was the only one in the world going through this, but I am happy to have found "comrades" who understand it. I went through all of the hypochrondria stuff -- ER visits, cardiologist visits, had my thyroid checked. All negative.

I suggest you get all of the tests you can afford just to set your mind at ease. If they are all negative, then see a psychiatrist and get put on the right meds. They do work, but it can be a process finding the right one.

[seal]

I hate feeling like this, I am the same way every ache and pain I think something is wrong. I've been to the ER and urgent care so many times they know me there and treat me like crap. I get so worried about dying that I can actually picture myself doing it, which is really scary but I imagine it feeling like it does when I have a panic attack. I had to take a leave of absence at work because this has been so difficult. I have gotten a lot of test done and some of them came back as a possibilty of a thyroid problem, but my doctor's don't agree that it is a problem one says yes the other no, which has me stressed out. I have been prescribed so many different pills, that I'm not sure which one to take each doctor has a different opinion on which one will help me and I'm afraid of the side effects. I can't see a psychiatrist because my insurance doesn't cover it and I was trying to find a support group but I have had no luck, but I am thankful to have have found this place. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.

[meichmann]

Hi Seal,
Trust us you are not alone. All of us here have been through what you are experiencing. But keep this in mind, you are still alive. With every attack you make through, it's a personal triumph in itself. You are a lot stronger than you think. It's good to see you found this site, because we all understand what it feels like and we can relate.

Talk to your insurance company about seeing a counselor at least. They should have some kind of mental wellness program.

[TurtleJoe]

I feel your pain. It never lasted quite that long for me, but I recall a two week stretch of feeling like that and thought I would never feel "normal" ever again. You'll pull through it, I promise.

[TrueVoiceInc]

Hi Seal - you mentioned your first attach was while driving to work. Are you still at the same job (even with the leave of absence)? Do you like what you are doing? Just asking, is there something else you would rather be doing with your life?

[PanicPhobia]

I can't see a psychiatrist because my insurance doesn't cover it and I was trying to find a support group but I have had no luck, but I am thankful to have have found this place. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.

In my area there is a free clinic for psychiatric care. I live in a fairly small area and this clinic has like 10 doctors. You pay what you can and they take any insurance. Check your area for such a place. If you check around you will be able to find a psychiatrist who will help.

[seal]

Hi Seal - you mentioned your first attach was while driving to work. Are you still at the same job (even with the leave of absence)? Do you like what you are doing? Just asking, is there something else you would rather be doing with your life?

I am technically still at the same job, I do like what I do but there is a lot of pressure at work if I don't meet certain goals I get in trouble and it leads up to eventually being let go. There's a lot of things I'd rather be doing with my life but this job is better than the last one I had. I haven't driven my car in almost a month just out of fear.

[seal]

In my area there is a free clinic for psychiatric care. I live in a fairly small area and this clinic has like 10 doctors. You pay what you can and they take any insurance. Check your area for such a place. If you check around you will be able to find a psychiatrist who will help.

Thank you I will try looking into something like that. I was trying to look at my insurance to see what they offer and the only thing I found was something through my work where I can talk to someone in my HR dept. to see what they can do. I think I might have to start there.