amaranth
11-06-2013, 02:07 PM
Hi all, I am new here. I have had some very adverse conditions of living for awhile now and really that would make anyone nervous however lately I am back in the stratosphere level of anxiety, obsessing over every exchange, every conversation, every interraction and so sick with worry about money and circumstance and needs. I have always had obssessive worry over things to the point I research them to death. I konw my anxiety must be rooted in a traumatic upbringing and therapy and such is no option as I am very poor right now. But I also had bad experiences with therapists in the past so I am determined to do this on my own. I had some luck with meditation on the past but I can't get back to it, I am just too on edge and I think I may have some ADD or something since I have a neurological condition that 50 percent of people who have get ADD also. Either way I have to deal somehow. I was horribly bullied in school as a child and abused at home and it kind of wired my brain to be scared all the time and I can't focus. Sorry to ramble but the anxiety is bad because I have had to make a bunch of phone calls and fill out paperwork and job search and other stressful things- these are normal everyday things but I just get so stressed out so easily, can anyone relate? I always get extremely stressed when I have to make calls to take care of anything even if it is to make a dr appointment because I am so nervous about my tone of voice and if I seem rude, stupid or if the other person seems mad. I think again it's due to being abused as a child even though I am so old I should be over it.