Miserable

[Collegeboy95]

I made a mistake and fell for someone. I told myself I would not do anything but I did. Now I am scared of HIV even though I did not do anything to put myself at risk. I just want to cry and wake up and not feel anxious about this now! I keep wanting to go get tested and I'm so frustrated with myself. I feel an anxiety attack coming on and I don't want it to. I'm trying to remain calm but I just can't. I went through this before and it was ugly. Anyone have any similar experiences?

[JLBnole68]

When I was in college, I went through the exact same thing, except mine was an HIV scare over someone I messed around with in a drunken stupor and not someone I'd actually fallen for. Even though I was mildly anxious as a child, this triggered the first full-blown panic attacks I ever experienced. I'm 45 now and have battled anxiety off and on for the past 25 years. I was in my 3rd year of college, 700 miles from home, and found out this person who initiated the encounter was actually fairly promiscuous. Had it not been for some great, supportive friends staying up and talking me down from my anxiety at night, I probably would've dropped out of school and came home. My advice to you would be to go get tested for no other reason than to alleviate your fear and anxiety. I never did, and that's one reason my panic attacks became so increasingly intense. Here's the thing. Your chances of contracting HIV are extremely small, especially if you didn't do anything to put yourself at high risk. HIV is a difficult thing to contract, especially if there's no contact with the bloodstream (i.e. unprotected anal or vaginal sex). Even then, your chances are still very small. So, just stay calm knowing your chances of having HIV are about as great as your chances of being attacked by a shark in your bed tonight. Don't let this worry keep fueling your anxiety, or you will be in a rough shape. Trust me, I know from experience. Every anxiety symptom will convince you more and more that you're dying of AIDS. That was 25 years ago, and I'm still alive. Don't do what I did and let the fear of not knowing rule your life. Get tested. Take a trusted friend with you for moral support and encouragement. When that one comes back negative, wait a few weeks and go get tested again. Why? Because you need to squash all doubt and fears about it. Anxious people will always say or think "What if that test was wrong and it was a false negative?" Go as many times as you need to get reassurance that you're fine. Now, stop fretting and worrying, keeping yourself awake at night. You're going to be fine.

[JLBnole68]

Also, if I may ask, do you suspect the person you were with has HIV?

[Collegeboy95]

Also, if I may ask, do you suspect the person you were with has HIV?

Thank you for your response. If I could give you a hug I would! The person told me that they were tested in September and came up negative. They were even willing to show me the results. However, he did state that he had been promiscuous after getting tested. This is what is scaring me the most! I had fallen for this person and as soon as he saw my body, he stopped talking to me. Seems like that's all he wanted to begin with..

[JLBnole68]

I graciously accept e-hugs. :-) Well, don't let some shallow jerk get you down. You're young and you've got lots of time to find someone who will love you and treat you with dignity and respect. And take my advice and go get yourself tested for peace of mind. It's a lot easier if you take a friend. The first time I got tested, I had my boyfriend (at the time) with me. The support made all the difference in keeping me from falling to pieces waiting for the test results. Take care of yourself and don't let some asshole get you down or destroy your self esteem. There are plenty of loving, caring men in the world who would find you very attractive, both inside and out. You just gotta find the right one. Don't sweat it. - Jeff