Good Good Good TERRIBLEEEE

[RunnerChick]

I'm wondering if anyone else experiences the symptoms that I do when it comes to their anxiety...namely, feeling perfect for a good while. Like a few days in a row, possibly even a few weeks, without a major anxiety attack or bout of anxiety/panic. And then SUDDENLY, out of nowhere, they get smacked in the face with a horrendous round of anxiety like never before.

One of those awful anxiety spells hit me today. I wouldn't call it an attack, more like just a drawn-out bout of obsessive thoughts. I can't stop worrying about my job. I've been at work for a few months now and been learning a lot but also making some mistakes. I know that when you're new, you're supposed to make mistakes and learn from them, but I can't help but feel like I'm about to be fired. I'm trying SO hard at my job and my boss has given me some positive feedback as well as constructive feedback on what I need to do to fix the things that aren't working so well. I did this same thing at my old job, day in and day out, convincing myself that today will be the day I get fired. For 10 months in a row. Until the entire company shut down and I got laid off. For the first few days of my new job I felt confident, THEN suddenly it all started again. Whenever I'm at work, strangely, the anxiety feels less bad since I sit next to my boss and she's always joking with me or asking how I'm doing, etc. But as soon as I leave, the doubts start to creep into my mind. I lay awake all night or have dreams about work, reflecting on the mistakes I've made and if I can fix them or not. Some of those mistakes aren't that big of a deal but I'll obsess about stuff endlessly. I have my three month review coming up in a week and I am literally sh*tting myself that I'll be handed my walking orders that day when I come in.

As I said, for days/sometimes even weeks at a time, I won't have this at all. I'll feel fine and like I'm doing great. Then, suddenly, it just hits me and I'll be in a constant state of OCD for hours/days/weeks/months/however long it takes for something substantial to happen to put my fear at ease, at least for a little while anyway.

Sorry for the rambling. Just seeking out anyone who might be/have in the past experienced this. This same thing applies to health, also, by the way. And my bills/house/car/everything. Normal everyday worries amplified by about 100,000

[NeverToo...Fear]

Yes, I feel this way at times..things go good, then all of a sudden, it's like a worry fest. Time to start worrying about everything.. I'd imagine worrying about your job and other stressing things would be normal--to an extent..Us worriers here take it to an extreme to where it affects us dramatically. We over think way too much to where the worry is not very productive at all. Perhaps after that three month review, and you still have your job, it will be like that substantial thing to happen so you will be more at ease.

I think it helps a bit to remind ourselves that we're prone to over worry sometimes and all that extra worry doesn't do us good, but harm; to where we could actually make a terrible outcome happen, whereas there wouldn't of been one if we were able to just step back and look at things differently, from a less worried perspective.

But it sounds like to me that you are trying very hard to keep your job. And that's all you can really do is apply yourself the best you can. And those that try hard and really want to fix the mistakes they make have to be more valuable than some one who just counts the seconds until they leave their job...... Good luck on the three month review!! ........ :)

[meichmann]

That happens to me a lot. I feel good for a while and then *BAM* out of nowhere it hits me like a ton of bricks. does it feel good? absolutely not. will it go away? yes. I just face it, relax, breathe deep and tell myself it will be over. for me, the worst ones have been after an adrenaline dump. I get amped and excited over something, then when its all over it hits me.

Worrying about getting another attack is common as well. a lot of people do that so don't feel like you are all alone with that.

Good luck with your review!

[RunnerChick]

Thanks for your replies, guys! It really helps to know I'm not alone. I think that having anxiety actually really does affect my performance just like you said, NeverToo...Fear. Today I made one of the biggest mistakes that I've made on any job ever and now I'm pretty certain I'm done. I found a solution for the problem, but should the other parties involved not be satisfied with the solution offered, it's safe to say I'm screwed. Had an anxiety attack as a result of this at work. Meanwhile I'm being told "don't worry don't freak out." it's like telling someone not to scratch an itch. It's awful. I'm strongly considering seeing my doctor as soon as possible for medication or advice. I can't keep doing this to myself anymore.

[NeverToo...Fear]

Meanwhile I'm being told "don't worry don't freak out." it's like telling someone not to scratch an itch.

^ Oh, if I had a dime every time someone told me that..lol.

Hey, do you mind if I ask what kind of job you are doing? And do you like doing it? I really hope things go well and that your solution will be satisfactory..it sounds like you have a decent boss, so maybe things will be okay.. :)

That sucks you had an attack... but yeah, if things are too out of control, seeing your doctor could help you. Maybe meds will make things better. idk, every person seems to have a different reaction to them and it could cause more problems.

[meichmann]

Meanwhile I'm being told "don't worry don't freak out." it's like telling someone not to scratch an itch.

I wish I got a dime every time as well. Although what was said to me was "get over it". People who never had an anxiety or panic attack have no idea how scary and painful they can be. I remember one night I woke up and had a real bad attack. It was downright crippling. I woke up my wife (who at the time had no clue about panic and anxiety) and begged her to take me to the hospital. All she did was roll her back to me and said "get over it. Drive yourself if you want to go." Well, I couldn't drive so I sat in the dark living room feeling like I was going to die.

Now that I am going to a Psychologist and getting CBT my attacks are nowhere near as bad and they are less frequent. My wife is more educated on it and now she is more sympathetic. She has actually become very supportive when an attack happens, and that in itself is very calming and reassuring.

Seeing a professional is very good advice. I would recommend going to a professional that specializes in anxiety. Don't be afraid to go and don't worry what other people will say about you going. You need to take care of #1 right now which is you. Now, you very well could be seeing a professional for a good while. IMO the longer the better. That way, they can really dig deep and find the cause of what triggers it. For me, it was PTSD from a traumatic childhood. The PTSD is responsible for my other stress related issues as well. Now that we found out what's causing it, we are working on treating it.

I hope you do go see someone. It doesn't hurt to go and talk. Let us know how you make out. :)

[RunnerChick]

Hi guys, first off, thanks for the kind words! I do think you all are right and that seeing a doctor is really important, as well as getting some therapy. I think I've finally gotten to the point where I just don't think I can control it on my own anymore. I'm not sure if I was able to before or if my attacks/obsessive thoughts have just gotten more intense within the last 2 years. I mean, it's probably the latter as I've had a few REALLY big things happen in my life that have thrown me off course. I think talking to a professional will help uncover all that crap that has caused me to feel this way and have these mental disorders that I know I have. for me it's just building up the courage to go and speak to someone.

[RunnerChick]

Hey, do you mind if I ask what kind of job you are doing? And do you like doing it? I really hope things go well and that your solution will be satisfactory..it sounds like you have a decent boss, so maybe things will be okay.. :)


I work for an electronics company and I do work that directly impacts customers so I have to be very exact. I think that I've managed to get the crisis situation under control but I don't know if what I've done is sufficient in the eyes of my bosses in terms of them keeping me on. I do enjoy my work quite a bit, it's not always super fun but it's rewarding and I like my coworkers a lot.The possibility of not having a job/income is one very large source of anxiety for me as I haven't got a plan b for if I were to lose my income...too many financial responsibilities that I can't cut back on to save. I'm forced to live paycheck to paycheck and I really just would rather not lose my job.