volleygirl12345
01-06-2008, 02:08 PM
Hi, I'm a college student who's been chronically ill for the past 2 years. I just recently got a diagnosis for what was wrong with me physically. In addition to the frustration about the unknown illness that I had let build up for 2 years, I was in an unfortunate living situation at school where i was bending over backwards to try and make my roommate (a friend who's had roommate issues in the past) happy since she was not willing to compromise, and she was making up lies about me that got back to me that were pretty hurtful. This again was frustration I let build up over the course of the semester, but I finally decided that my feelings should matter and worked with the residential life staff to get a room change approved to get myself out of that situation.
I found out about the approved change while home for winter break, and ever since finding out about it and getting a diagnosis for my physical illness, instead of just getting to feel relieved, I've felt really stressed and anxious. I've never been a person to let myself feel/deal with frustration before, and it's all just been pouring out over the past several days. This week I've been gripped with the fear that I might be going crazy because I'm not used to feeling frustration or expressing it. I'm gripped by the fear that the being willing to discuss the frustration (which right now usually involves crying) means that I am losing control somehow, and this makes me worry that I might act out towards others, since twice in my family as a child I saw a family member's anger manifested as hitting someone else. I know this isn't in my personality, I know it's wrong, and I feel as though it is something I would never actually do as I have never struck another person before, nor do I yell at people...and yet I can't shake the fear that letting out this frustration means that somehow I've lost control over my emotions and therefore I might do something stupid and express them the same way that my family member did.
It's about a week before I have to head back to school, and while I am dreading having to deal with my former roommate as I move out, I am looking forward to being back with my friends and my boyfriend, starting my classes, etc. But I'm overwhelmed by the fear that there's something wrong with me and I might lose control and that makes me scared to go back. I'm normally a little anxious about going back anyway because I worry my physical symptoms will get worse, but now that I have a diagnosis for that I'm not worried about that anymore. I know it's fairly normal to think "Oh I'd love to smack sense into that person" or "I'm so frustrated I could throw something right now", but I feel as though I've become so worried about becoming my family member/losing control that when a thought like that crosses my mind, I'm terrified I'll lose control and act on it.
Is this just anxiety?? I had planned to go to my university's counseling services anyway when I got back to learn how to better deal with the stress of having a chronic illness...but do you think I have to ACTUALLY worry about striking out against someone? That makes me afraid to go back to school and so in addition to being afraid that I might be losing control, I'm afraid I won't be able to go back and be with my friends, my boyfriend, and continuing my classes, etc. Please help!
~concerned, over-active mind
I found out about the approved change while home for winter break, and ever since finding out about it and getting a diagnosis for my physical illness, instead of just getting to feel relieved, I've felt really stressed and anxious. I've never been a person to let myself feel/deal with frustration before, and it's all just been pouring out over the past several days. This week I've been gripped with the fear that I might be going crazy because I'm not used to feeling frustration or expressing it. I'm gripped by the fear that the being willing to discuss the frustration (which right now usually involves crying) means that I am losing control somehow, and this makes me worry that I might act out towards others, since twice in my family as a child I saw a family member's anger manifested as hitting someone else. I know this isn't in my personality, I know it's wrong, and I feel as though it is something I would never actually do as I have never struck another person before, nor do I yell at people...and yet I can't shake the fear that letting out this frustration means that somehow I've lost control over my emotions and therefore I might do something stupid and express them the same way that my family member did.
It's about a week before I have to head back to school, and while I am dreading having to deal with my former roommate as I move out, I am looking forward to being back with my friends and my boyfriend, starting my classes, etc. But I'm overwhelmed by the fear that there's something wrong with me and I might lose control and that makes me scared to go back. I'm normally a little anxious about going back anyway because I worry my physical symptoms will get worse, but now that I have a diagnosis for that I'm not worried about that anymore. I know it's fairly normal to think "Oh I'd love to smack sense into that person" or "I'm so frustrated I could throw something right now", but I feel as though I've become so worried about becoming my family member/losing control that when a thought like that crosses my mind, I'm terrified I'll lose control and act on it.
Is this just anxiety?? I had planned to go to my university's counseling services anyway when I got back to learn how to better deal with the stress of having a chronic illness...but do you think I have to ACTUALLY worry about striking out against someone? That makes me afraid to go back to school and so in addition to being afraid that I might be losing control, I'm afraid I won't be able to go back and be with my friends, my boyfriend, and continuing my classes, etc. Please help!
~concerned, over-active mind