true friends

[mikecole114]

since i came to university 6 weeks ago i think the main thing ive realized is who my true friends are..... not alot. after accepting and telling them about my anxiety most have stopped replying to my texts and cancelled plans to visit me. im being made to feel as if i have a choice in this. and i know you will say you dont need people like that but i cant just forget my friends. they've made me more anxious because of it. constantly thinking what have i done wrong and blaming myself.

due to the responses on this forum and the kind nature of all the replies ive had ive come to the conclusion that anxiety sufferers tend to be good thoughtful people. maybe its because we feel guilty for the strains we put on our relationships or maybe its because weve been to the bottom and can empathize if other people feel this way.

the worse thing about my anxiety is the inability to be able to explain it to other people. maybe if it was rational people would understand but there's such a strong stigma that everyone is the same and so if you have a mental illness you differ from society's norms and slowly but surely you will be ostracized from the people you are trying to proctect if they see no need to include you in their life anymore. eg moving away.

sorry for the rant but my councilor says i have abandonment issues and the last 6 weeks proves them completely and utterly correct.
my mum hasnt text me since i told her i had GAD and my girl friend cheated on me and left me and blamed my anxiety and now my friends, my support network... is drifting out of my control.
ive never felt so alone despite living in a block with 36 people my age.
how can i get better when every day my worst case scenarios play out in front of my eyes for something i have no control over.
the cycle continues......

[mikecole114]

someone please reply and tell me somthing reassuring im at the lowest of lows this weekend and i need some one to understand

[tailspin]

Hi Mike, Really sorry you're feeling bad. Suffering with a mood disorder can be very lonely. Which really sucks. I'm glad you've found this forum at least so we can offer you some support here. But I totally get it that you need to find a way to deal with the things in your real life that are causing you pain. Such as your friends turning away from you.

I do think that is a bad reflection on them, but, as you say, it doesn't necessarily help you much to simply say that you're better off without them. Mainly I think it has to do with a total inability on their part to understand what you are going through. That is definitely a tough situation. Especially because you're in an environment - uni - where people typically just want to let their hair down and have fun.

Having said that though, depression and anxiety are so prevalent everywhere now that I'm thinking there have to be other people at your uni who feel the same. I wonder if there is even some kind of student advocacy group for mental illness. If not, maybe you could start one! Or you could start a support group? Post something somewhere and see if you get a response? There have got to be others feeling the same as you do. There are plenty of students posting on this site about their issues with anxiety and depression so there have to be others at your uni too. It would be great if you could find a way to get in touch with them and start a support group, or do some advocacy. Are there any events where people set up informational booths?

How long have you been on Celexa now? It seems that perhaps it's not helping as much as it should/could? Can you talk to your doctor/psychiatrist about tweaking the dose, or perhaps trying something different if you're still feeling depressed?

Hang in there, Mike!!!! I know it's tough, but you will have good days again!! And I hope you have some very soon!!

PS: Why don't you give your Mum a call and just have a chat? I bet she'd love to hear from you.

[mikecole114]

Thankyou so much for your reply. I know it's such a shit situation but I'm getting there and I know there has been improvements and I'm doing everything I can so it's just being patience. I'm on citlopram and my doc doubled my dose to 20mg this week. They say that when u start on it it makes u feel worse at start before you get any improvement which I defo noticed I was wondering if you know that as it's increased the dose I could also experience this down before I feel better????
I know it's bad to say this but I would be kind of embarrassed to attempt to set up a society. I would need I think 10 people to set one up. I don't know if I could find 10 people and if I don't I don't wanna be the guy who attempted to set up the mental health society I would need to do a lot of advertising all over campus and would need hands on talking to people to find them. It's hard enough talking to my new friends about it as they don't get it let alone exploring to find others like me! Ahah I don't know it's a good idea don't get me wrong. I will ask my councillor this week if there isn't any thing available in this respect
Thankyou so much for your comment

[trinidiva]

Thankyou so much for your reply. I know it's such a shit situation but I'm getting there and I know there has been improvements and I'm doing everything I can so it's just being patience. I'm on citlopram and my doc doubled my dose to 20mg this week. They say that when u start on it it makes u feel worse at start before you get any improvement which I defo noticed I was wondering if you know that as it's increased the dose I could also experience this down before I feel better????
I know it's bad to say this but I would be kind of embarrassed to attempt to set up a society. I would need I think 10 people to set one up. I don't know if I could find 10 people and if I don't I don't wanna be the guy who attempted to set up the mental health society I would need to do a lot of advertising all over campus and would need hands on talking to people to find them. It's hard enough talking to my new friends about it as they don't get it let alone exploring to find others like me! Ahah I don't know it's a good idea don't get me wrong. I will ask my councillor this week if there isn't any thing available in this respect
Thankyou so much for your comment

I think trying to set up a group would ne a great thing, and I'm positive that you can find 10 people who suffer from anxiety. More people then you know are probably going through the same thing but that's the thing about anxiety....we will normally just suffer in silence. If you post info about it around, I'm sure you will find some people dealing with the same thing

[mikecole114]

I think trying to set up a group would ne a great thing, and I'm positive that you can find 10 people who suffer from anxiety. More people then you know are probably going through the same thing but that's the thing about anxiety....we will normally just suffer in silence. If you post info about it around, I'm sure you will find some people dealing with the same thing

I completely agree and will ask my councillor (who is uni run) if she would speak to her other patience about it but I'm not sure how much she will be able to give me in terms of information on her other patients
I will defo look into it and let you know how it goes

[tailspin]

Great that you are seeing some improvements on the Celexa and that the doctor just upped your dose. You're definitely doing all the right things: having counseling, taking an anti-depressant, posting on here etc. It's great you're being so proactive.

I understand that trying to set up some kind of support group could be a bit daunting! But as you say, maybe something along those lines already exists. Hopefully your therapist can help you with that.

Let us know how it's all going, Mike!