DarkSoul
11-01-2013, 11:46 AM
Hi everyone. I've been EXTREMELY up and down in the last 2 weeks. I've been trying so hard to be like everyone else, to mould in, to throw away my childhood leanings that have made me who I am today. I so desperately want to fit in and be accepted. I am not really an emotional guy, but I have been alternating between bouts of anger and crying. I feel so ashamed, so weak and soft.
But I did want to say a HUGE thank for those of you that offered me kind words of support and encouragement in my debut post. In fact, I was overwhelmed by the support and respect shown to me that I couldn't actually believe it or handle it. When I saw especially a couple of teenage girls reply to me, initially I was mortified!! I was expecting the absolute worst. I expected sniggers, laughter and ridicule. I was so overwhelmed by the support of everyone that I kind of convinced myself it wasn't real. People were just being polite. I have to say a BIG sorry, but this is why I rebuffed later everyone's words and tried to go all "straight" and conservative. I am very sorry for those of you that replied to me only to see me later do a U turn, but I was having a really hard time even believing the replies. Especially when I considered some of the people that did respond. As I say, the most surprising support was from teenage girls, but also I was taken aback by even other dudes supporting me.
I have been all over the place trying to be someone else, being ashamed of who I am. You know, when I think of my 2nd thread in which I stated that it's best for people to be conservative and fit in to society, I'm not debunking that. I can honestly say that it's the easiest way to be. But I can't also deny that it's just not for everyone. In most ways, I am an average Joe. But, as I said in my debut thread, in one way I am so not average and not the norm for a guy.
I had a really nervous, embarrassing, pleasant experience today-all rolled into one. I was out and about doing some shopping and ventured in for a bit of a look around in a Myers dept store. I had a look at some watches and then I just couldn't help myself, I wandered kind of around the hosiery section. I just had to have a bit of a brief look. There was a couple of discount stands and just for a few secs, I was looking at the hosiery within them. A really nice young lady walked up to me and asked me, "Can I help you". Oh gosh, I was bloody mortified, I kind of froze and clumsily uttered, "No, just having a boys look".
A boys look? Oh bloody hell!!!! Such an idiotic expression, completely unrelated to the situation. A boys look is when us guys are trying to look for something and just have a quick, casual look and quickly give up. I felt so f&^% stupid, I could have died. I just uttered the first nonsense that come into my head. I might as well have said, "Yes, I'll have a large happy meal with a Coke thanks". The nice young lady sensed I was embarrassed and said that there was nothing for me to be embarrassed about and asked was I interested in something? I said nervously that I just noticed this hosiery stand and apologised. Why I don't know. I might as well have apologised for global warming, but again I was nervous.
The lady kind of took the situation out from me and said, "what sort of hosiery would you like?" I was gob smacked!!!! I finally relented and she helped me get a heap of things. It was awesome and it was so nice for someone to accept me in the flesh.
Thank you all for your support. I don't think I would have even dared walk near that section of Myers if it wasn't for your encouragement.
But I did want to say a HUGE thank for those of you that offered me kind words of support and encouragement in my debut post. In fact, I was overwhelmed by the support and respect shown to me that I couldn't actually believe it or handle it. When I saw especially a couple of teenage girls reply to me, initially I was mortified!! I was expecting the absolute worst. I expected sniggers, laughter and ridicule. I was so overwhelmed by the support of everyone that I kind of convinced myself it wasn't real. People were just being polite. I have to say a BIG sorry, but this is why I rebuffed later everyone's words and tried to go all "straight" and conservative. I am very sorry for those of you that replied to me only to see me later do a U turn, but I was having a really hard time even believing the replies. Especially when I considered some of the people that did respond. As I say, the most surprising support was from teenage girls, but also I was taken aback by even other dudes supporting me.
I have been all over the place trying to be someone else, being ashamed of who I am. You know, when I think of my 2nd thread in which I stated that it's best for people to be conservative and fit in to society, I'm not debunking that. I can honestly say that it's the easiest way to be. But I can't also deny that it's just not for everyone. In most ways, I am an average Joe. But, as I said in my debut thread, in one way I am so not average and not the norm for a guy.
I had a really nervous, embarrassing, pleasant experience today-all rolled into one. I was out and about doing some shopping and ventured in for a bit of a look around in a Myers dept store. I had a look at some watches and then I just couldn't help myself, I wandered kind of around the hosiery section. I just had to have a bit of a brief look. There was a couple of discount stands and just for a few secs, I was looking at the hosiery within them. A really nice young lady walked up to me and asked me, "Can I help you". Oh gosh, I was bloody mortified, I kind of froze and clumsily uttered, "No, just having a boys look".
A boys look? Oh bloody hell!!!! Such an idiotic expression, completely unrelated to the situation. A boys look is when us guys are trying to look for something and just have a quick, casual look and quickly give up. I felt so f&^% stupid, I could have died. I just uttered the first nonsense that come into my head. I might as well have said, "Yes, I'll have a large happy meal with a Coke thanks". The nice young lady sensed I was embarrassed and said that there was nothing for me to be embarrassed about and asked was I interested in something? I said nervously that I just noticed this hosiery stand and apologised. Why I don't know. I might as well have apologised for global warming, but again I was nervous.
The lady kind of took the situation out from me and said, "what sort of hosiery would you like?" I was gob smacked!!!! I finally relented and she helped me get a heap of things. It was awesome and it was so nice for someone to accept me in the flesh.
Thank you all for your support. I don't think I would have even dared walk near that section of Myers if it wasn't for your encouragement.