Anxiousraven
10-30-2013, 05:44 PM
I'm writing this before I forget you.
It's thanks to you I never took a risk. It's thanks to you that I could never love with an open heart. It's thanks to you that I drove perfectly good people out of my life, that I was too anxious to let go and have fun, and as I feel the drugs taking over and you slowly slipping away from me I know that even though soon I'll feel nothing I'll always know that it's not real. It will be an artificial happiness.
I also know that at some point I won't care about him anymore. While I still feel I want to remember what his touch felt like and how I would still get butterflies in my stomach when I saw him and I couldn't believe he was mine. I want to grieve for him before I just accept it and smile and shrug and claim it's no big deal I want to miss him before the drugs tell me that I don't even care for him. He was my true happiness, my heart, my best friend. You took him away from me.
I want to thank you for making me feel human even though it broke me.
It's thanks to you I never took a risk. It's thanks to you that I could never love with an open heart. It's thanks to you that I drove perfectly good people out of my life, that I was too anxious to let go and have fun, and as I feel the drugs taking over and you slowly slipping away from me I know that even though soon I'll feel nothing I'll always know that it's not real. It will be an artificial happiness.
I also know that at some point I won't care about him anymore. While I still feel I want to remember what his touch felt like and how I would still get butterflies in my stomach when I saw him and I couldn't believe he was mine. I want to grieve for him before I just accept it and smile and shrug and claim it's no big deal I want to miss him before the drugs tell me that I don't even care for him. He was my true happiness, my heart, my best friend. You took him away from me.
I want to thank you for making me feel human even though it broke me.