I just really need to talk

[Velrose]

So I'm not new here, but I have been having some major issues lately. My anxiety has been going on for several months now, and it has become a struggle to get through the day. I go to bed at night scared to death of (yes... this will sound out there) bursting into flames in my sleep, and every morning when I wake up, I'm thankful to have made it through the night.

This is driving me nuts...

I'm seeing a therapist about once a week to every two weeks, I am on ativan and zoloft. I just can't get this fear/thought out of my head. It haunts me day in, day out. I am so friggin frustrated!!!!

I was feeling better a few weeks ago. The only time my thought popped into my head was when it would be almost time for bed, and I would think...hey...I haven't worried at all about that today. I wasn't having to take my ativan to go to bed...I felt almost normal. About a week ago now...it struck me again. I can't function like this. No matter what I do, it pops into my head...unless I am REALLY distracting myself like with video games...(woohoo for guitar hero on PS3, super mario galaxy on the wii and my brand spankin new DS!!! ahem....) But the thing is, I am a wife and a mother of a beautiful 4 yr old little girl, and I can't exactly drop my life to play these games for distraction. I have to cook, clean and take care of her!

I am just so frustrated, and I am tired of living in fear. I am so ashamed of this fear...it seems so irrational to me, but I can't help it. I don't have any friends save for a few online, and my family lives so far away from me...I don't want to burden them with my issues. I'm so tired of this fear...

[jane99]

I certainly know the feelings of anxiety,,,,,thus depression,,,,,,thus isolation. I have been living with anxiety and depression since I was small. I am able to live a full life and accomplish my goals, yet there have been times when I felt completely debilitated by my anxiety. I went through several years where it was very difficult to leave my house, so I rarely did. I was fortunate to have a business at the time that I managed to run from my house. My family was a great deal of support, though I have been single. I have a business now where I can work with people who do not want to leave their homes

The Beatles said "Money can't buy you love", but you sure can buy a good friend for right now. Someone who is going to really make an effort "to get you", to understand you, and focus on you. I wish i would have had this in some of my darkest times. You said you are seeing a therapist. I used to be one. My point of view is very different. If you want to check out my website, you can get the information from my profile on here. I am connecting with people through the internet and on the phone...........This too will pass........peace & love,,,,,,,,jane

[Velrose]

The depression is the worst sometimes, and I know it stems from the anxiety, because I find myself questioning so often how much longer I am going to have to live like this. I know I should take things day by day, and I am trying to do just that, but it isn't always easy with a daughter who is growing up. The future is a very big thing to a parent.

I've tried explaining things back when this first began to my mother, my grandmother... my paternal grandmother...but really... all I got out of them was "Oh hun...nothing's going to happen, you'll be fine." I understand, my fear is irrational, and I understand that there is a 99.9% chance that nothing like my fear will EVER happen to me, and I know they are just trying to make me feel better, but it's so hard when they don't understand how gripping and overwhelming this fear and anxiety can be.

My husband tries really hard to be supportive, but it's rough on him, especially when I seem to have break downs at the most inopportune times. (like at the movies today ) or the fact that I NEVER want to be left alone any more.

I am looking over your website now, I might private message you later if I have any questions...if you don;t mind that is. ^_^ Thank you so much for the reply though, it really helps to use others as a sounding board sometimes.

[setler]

I am so sorry to hear about your pain. If it helps, I am wishing for your recovery :)

Something that might help... look into finding a support group around your area. It sounds like you are doing most of what you can be (meds and therapy), so just stick in there. I hated being told to just stick in there... but sometimes it is the truth. Things seem so dark, but the light is just around the corner.

PM me if you want to share anything else.

Good luck!

[MoreCowbell]

Hi Velrose,

I am sorry you have to deal with this, as I know how you're feeling. I'm new on here too, and as I said in my first post in the welcome section, I'm married too and we have a 3 year old boy. So I know how you feel as a parent living with this. Sucks. My wife, like your husband is drained from it, and from the fact that I was (until a week ago) closed off and constantly pushing my feelings down.

I'm nervous we'll get a divorce, and because of the anxiety, I'm snowballing things and just getting all over the place. She's said she loves me, but still doesn't know how she's feeling about everything. We're going to a marriage counselor on Sat, so I'm holding out hope that things can get better.

I've already started to make changes, and open up to her and to other people, but these issues we have as a result is looming, and not allowing me any comfort.

Like you, just talking seems to help, but I'm still scared about my marriage.