Hate feeling like this

[petrified]

I absolutely hate feeling the way I am right now. I feel like the whole world is out to get me and I don't blame them because I am such a horrible person. I'm currently not allowed to go to my sister in laws house because I found out she was cheating in her husband and he found out. I'm barely talking to my dad who I've always been close to as he brung me up as my mam died when I was 3. I've just this morning fallen out with my sister as she just completely had a go at me because I think she was feeling guilty about being late yesterday morning, even though I had, had her daughter all that night. I never mentioned it when I went to pick my niece up she just brung it up and told me she didn't need me to watch her daughter anymore she would get a childminder from now on. Even though I have always watched her daughter from her being 6 weeks old and she's now nearly 5. I just really would like to understand why everyone hates me at the minute I feel like I'm losing everyone and it won't be long before my husband leaves me as I'm so down all the time and he will take my son from me. I'm debating leaving him before he leaves me, just so I'm not dragging him down too. I'm really sorry posting this on here just don't no where else to turn and needed to get it down. I'm really sorry

[NeverToo...Fear]

That's terrible, Hannah.. :( But no need for apologies...sometimes it can really seem like the world has it out for you, but then ask yourself what have you done wrong? Your sister had a go at you because she was feeling guilty. How are you to blame for that? Your sister in law is the one cheating on her husband. It's not like you are controlling these people and making them do things....Obviously I can't tell you what to do or recommend much, but your husband sounds like a decent guy. Like he's your rock in all of this, so I wouldn't think about leaving him. It's easy to assume that he would leave you because of how your feeling, but I doubt he's thinking about that! You just celebrated your 12th year together! I think he's committed to you :).....and don't feel bad about about posting your thoughts..it helps just to get it all out there and have other's help you through it....... :)

[tailspin]

Hi ((((((Hannah))))))). Really sorry you're feeling so bad. I second everything NTF says in her post above. It really sounds as though it's the OTHER people in your life who are screwing up and who are then taking it out on you. It's NOT YOU! And I'm certain your hubby can also see that. And I bet he is pretty outraged at your sister in law's behavior, especially her bad treatment of you.

Also, I know you said it was your wedding anniversary yesterday and your hubby got you some lovely flowers and really made it a special day. He obviously loves you very much, Hannah!! I know it can be hard to believe that anyone loves us when we're feeling really down on ourselves, and I definitely understand about wanting to push people away. That is a big part of depression. We see everything through this negative lens, especially ourselves. But the bad thoughts we're having aren't actually true. So please believe us when we tell you that you are a very loveable person and that, when you're feeling better again, you'll be able to see that too.

How is it going with the Prozac? Are you sticking with the same dose? Have you noticed any improvement in your mood since taking it (inbetween the bad times)? Do you have another CBT session coming up soon? That can really help us to re-frame some of our negative perceptions too.

Sending massive hugs your way, Hannah!! xxxxxx

[petrified]

That's terrible, Hannah.. :( But no need for apologies...sometimes it can really seem like the world has it out for you, but then ask yourself what have you done wrong? Your sister had a go at you because she was feeling guilty. How are you to blame for that? Your sister in law is the one cheating on her husband. It's not like you are controlling these people and making them do things....Obviously I can't tell you what to do or recommend much, but your husband sounds like a decent guy. Like he's your rock in all of this, so I wouldn't think about leaving him. It's easy to assume that he would leave you because of how your feeling, but I doubt he's thinking about that! You just celebrated your 12th year together! I think he's committed to you :).....and don't feel bad about about posting your thoughts..it helps just to get it all out there and have other's help you through it....... :)

Thanks never too fear I've just got back from a meal with my husband and son and I've told him my worries. He's kinda put my mind at rest but I suppose everything else I'm going to have to work at. Like feeling like a bad person. I think it has a lot to do with the fact I always try and do everything for other people and I hate to upset anyone and when I fall out with anyone I take it so personally. Thank you for taking time to reply to me I really appreciate your kind words.
Hannah xxxx

[petrified]

Hi ((((((Hannah))))))). Really sorry you're feeling so bad. I second everything NTF says in her post above. It really sounds as though it's the OTHER people in your life who are screwing up and who are then taking it out on you. It's NOT YOU! And I'm certain your hubby can also see that. And I bet he is pretty outraged at your sister in law's behavior, especially her bad treatment of you.

Also, I know you said it was your wedding anniversary yesterday and your hubby got you some lovely flowers and really made it a special day. He obviously loves you very much, Hannah!! I know it can be hard to believe that anyone loves us when we're feeling really down on ourselves, and I definitely understand about wanting to push people away. That is a big part of depression. We see everything through this negative lens, especially ourselves. But the bad thoughts we're having aren't actually true. So please believe us when we tell you that you are a very loveable person and that, when you're feeling better again, you'll be able to see that too.

How is it going with the Prozac? Are you sticking with the same dose? Have you noticed any improvement in your mood since taking it (inbetween the bad times)? Do you have another CBT session coming up soon? That can really help us to re-frame some of our negative perceptions too.

Sending massive hugs your way, Hannah!! xxxxxx

Hi Joanna, thanks for your kind reply. I've had a nice evening out for a meal with my hubby and my son. We managed to have a nice chat and he has tried to reassure me he loves me no matter what. I just can't seem to believe him at the minute and I feel horrible for that :-(. Thanks for your kind words I really don't no what is wrong with me at the minute :-(. My Prozac, I'm now on 40mg a day I was moved up from 20mg my moods are still hitty missy at the minute. Do you think I should see my gp again?
Yeah I'm back at cbt on Thursday again and have been keeping a written diary of my stresses and symptoms and behaviours. I'm hoping Thursday will go well again she is a lovely therapist :-)
Again thanks for your advice I really appreciate it.
Hannah xxxxxxxx

[tailspin]

Hi Joanna, thanks for your kind reply. I've had a nice evening out for a meal with my hubby and my son. We managed to have a nice chat and he has tried to reassure me he loves me no matter what. I just can't seem to believe him at the minute and I feel horrible for that . Thanks for your kind words I really don't no what is wrong with me at the minute . My Prozac, I'm now on 40mg a day I was moved up from 20mg my moods are still hitty missy at the minute. Do you think I should see my gp again?
Yeah I'm back at cbt on Thursday again and have been keeping a written diary of my stresses and symptoms and behaviours. I'm hoping Thursday will go well again she is a lovely therapist :-)
Again thanks for your advice I really appreciate it.
Hannah xxxxxxxx

Hi Hannah, I'm so glad to hear you had a lovely meal out with your hubby and son and that he did his best to reassure you. I'm really sorry you're still having a hard time believing him though. I can definitely relate. When I'm really down on myself it's almost like I go into a kind of self-sabotage mode sometimes :-(

I do think the CBT will be really helpful though and it's great you're having another session on Thursday and that you've been keeping a mood diary. I wish the Prozac was helping more. It's definitely really good that you do have good days, but, in an ideal world, the Prozac would be helping you have a lot more good days. The mood diary should begin to give you a clear picture of how many good days vs bad days there are. And then it might be a good idea to show that to your GP and see if he thinks it might be worth trying a different medication??

Thinking of you! xxxxxx