mykids12
10-25-2013, 11:22 PM
I am so done with being this way. I'm not kidding when I say it's one illness after another. As soon as I get over one then I think I have another, or I think my kids have something. I've gone from thinking I have lung cancer to scleroderma to leukemia, you name it. Same with my kids. I take everything I read and hear to heart and it sticks in my head. I find myself googling symptoms over and over just to reassure myself I either do or don't have something going on. I'm just losing it when it comes to health and I don't know why or how it got this bad. I remember that from a young age, around 11, that I was always worried there was something wrong with me and it's continued until now and I'm in my mid 30's. It's just been way bad this year. I miss being "normal" in that I wasn't so obsessed with every symptom that one of us had popped up with. I have no insurance anymore to run to the dr each time I think I have a terminal illness but maybe that's a good thing. My kids do have insurance though so it's tempting when I have a fear. I mean I had my sons pediatrician test him for leukemia because I had convinced myself he had it due to a couple symptoms. I am not taking anything regularly mostly because I have lorazepam and it makes me so loopy and dizzy that I'm not ever in a good position to be able to take a whole one plus as I said no insurance to keep refilling it anyway. I don't know how much longer I can keep being this way though. My family knows I'm a worrier but they don't know the extent of how bad I worry. Just tonight I've been freaking out because my daughter has a few scratch marks on her cheek that we don't know exactly how they got there so of course I google and then I end up depressed. How do I stop this nasty cycle? I don't want my kids being the same way or remembering me as always freaking out over every little thing.