Relapsing after two years

[3taceyl0u]

Hi, I've suffered with panic attacks since I was twelve. I'm now twenty two. I don't function like a normal adult and to be honest I dont think I ever will. I got better a couple of years ago then it got substantially worse again this year. I thought I had it almost conquered and now I'm bitter and anrgy about it. I feel like I have no control over my own life and I can't change anything. I don't have friends. I rely on my family and boyfriend for everything. I can't leave my house alone even to walk my puppys. I struggle to walk around the block with them with someone in the dark. I just want to talk to someone who understands what I'm going through now. Not someone who tells me I need to fight it more or I've been better before whats changed. I dont want this life but I'm exhausted of fighting it just to go back to the start.

[Olive Yew]

i am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! I keep looking back at how my life used to be.... The active bubbly girl who loved to laugh and joke and run 5K's and get onto people for not being positive. And now i'm like a shell that looks the same but.... I feel like i've been gutted and replaced with someone fearful, emotional, sluggish, and dead. I hate it. I hate me. I just want my life back. And my mom's never experienced anxiety so she tells me to just mind over matter, talk yourself out of it. :( it isn't that easy and she just cant get that

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hi, 3taceyl0u. I totally get what you are saying.......I'm your age and I'm far from functioning like a normal adult! And I've pretty much accepted that I won't be normal, but there are other things I can do about it. I just try to manage the cards I've been dealt and work with what I have....there are days that I just want to scream at myself because anxiety can be so controlling to where I'm relying on others or I can't do simple tasks.... I don't want to say that anxiety has become part of who I am, and I don't want it defining me, rather than I'm forced to live with it like it's a constant annoying sidekick and something that needs to be managed and not ignored.
Fighting anxiety is definitely exhausting and the constant loop of symptoms from it can really drain the hope right out of us to where we see no way out....but it's good to know that you have this place who can really understand how you are feeling and offer plenty of advice and support......Hang in there :)

[3taceyl0u]

i am RIGHT THERE WITH YOU! I keep looking back at how my life used to be.... The active bubbly girl who loved to laugh and joke and run 5K's and get onto people for not being positive. And now i'm like a shell that looks the same but.... I feel like i've been gutted and replaced with someone fearful, emotional, sluggish, and dead. I hate it. I hate me. I just want my life back. And my mom's never experienced anxiety so she tells me to just mind over matter, talk yourself out of it. :( it isn't that easy and she just cant get that

Thats exactly how I was, and who I still am in my head. I'm living this life I hate I don't like where I live or what I'm doing and all I want to do is get out of here and start a fresh so I went back to therapy to get that final step to start a new life and everything went wrong and now I don't have a job, can't go shopping I just sit and worry. My mum knows what it's like but it's that same old mind over matter, only you can change. I don't think I can change though I honestly beleive this is who I am. I just need a life where I don't have to worry about getting to the shops and things, I'd love to move to America or the country but I can't do either because my parents don't want to, and I can't be alone.

[3taceyl0u]

Thanks. :) You're right it is exhausting! I spend the day home worrying myself into oblivion and then when my mums home she doesn't understand I'm exhausted and just want to relax. She only sees that shes been at work all day and I should be doing things at home, which I understand I just want her to try and understand too. By the way I love the quote in your sig it describes how I feel perfectly!

[Anxiousraven]

We all have relapses i don't anxiety ever really goes away you just control it. I think we just have moments where the anxiety becomes too much to deal with and we shut down. I can't offer any advice because I don't know how to deal with mine but just remember that it was temporary before and you dealt with it. You will find your strength

[meichmann]

I am right there with you. I've had anxiety practically my whole life and only in the past 10 years has it gotten really bad and I've done the same things you have (reflection on earlier life, etc...). We all have relapses and the key is to control it and not let it get out of hand. Don't ever accept someone's opinion of "Get over it" or "Fight harder". They don't know the pain you feel and what you go through so they don't understand. Fortunately, people who come to this site do. Talking about it helps immensely.

I really wish you well. I hope the relapses go away quickly, and remember, you have all of us to vent to if needed :)