looking for support

[conciliary]

It has been a while since I have visited this site, but I feel like I have the need again. I had a nasty bout with anxiety about 3 years ago where I though I was losing my mind and was, what seemed to be, a daily visitor at either my dr’s office or the ER. This site helped me tremendously then.

About 3 weeks ago, I started to get panic attacks that lasted a couple days. It was the first time in the past 3 years I had one. Ever since they came back, I feel myself being pulled into the anxiety wormhole. I have been to the dr’s a few times because of the panic attacks. I became very obsessive that my blood pressure was getting too high and though I was going to have a stroke. My dr’s suggested that I stay at the hospital for 24 hours, just to rule everything out, since one of the symptoms of the panic attack was chest tightness. At the hospital I had 2 EKG’s, and Echo, blood enzymes check and I had a treadmill stress test the next day at the Cardiologists office. All test came back completely normal. That was a week ago. I would think that this would give me piece of mind, but it hasn’t. I am now obsessed over a couple things.

1. I am constantly checking my heart rate because for some reason I feel like it is too slow, about 58-60 bpm when resting, and I have this fear that it will get slower especially when I am asleep and will not wake up.

2. I have gotten on this new kick the past 2 days that one of my pupils is larger than the other. When I look in the mirror I don’t think they are really different, and if they are it is probably just the light I am standing in making it seem that way.

3. I also feel like I am “out of sorts” or off balance when I walk around, and I constantly feel like I might fall over or pass out.

I am very sure that my anxiety is playing tricks on me, but this just really sucks. Like I said, I can feel myself going down that road I went down a few years ago when the anxiety was really bad and I am trying to get back to reality.

In the past I had great success with relaxation and deep breating, and through this site, and I am hoping I can get myself back on track.

Any advice or support in reassurance so I know I am not losing it, would be greatly helpful, or to know if others have these same compulsions or feeling would be reassuring as well.

Thanks in advance.

[bedhead]

Hi Conciliary

The pupil thing is mad isn't it! I had exactly the same thing about 10 years ago, everytime I looked in the mirror I had one pupil markedly bigger than the other, it was the strangest thing but nobody could give me an answer for it and I didn't have any problems and i'm still here so I wouldn't worry yourself about that.

I also spent about 6 months feeling like i was completely detached and viewing the world through a bubble, I was unsteady on my feet and constantly felt dizzy. When I finally went to see a psychologist the first thing he said to me was "why dont you breathe"? What I hadn't realised I was doing was holding myself so tense and talking shallow breaths all the time that I was literally not taking in enough oxygen, hence the dizzyness etc. He told me to take several deep breaths from the bottom of my lungs, imagine you've got a beach ball on your stomach and you're pushing it out when you breathe. Then force yourself to relax all your muscles, check your shoulders etc and try and go floppy. The change in me was immediate and the world suddenly became real again. Hope this works for you.

You are not losing it I guarantee you that, i'm pretty sure nearly all anxiety sufferers question their sanity at some point, I did it yesterday!!!! On my lucid days (such as today) I can see it all for what it is, my mind playing tricks and trying to frighten me. Distraction is an absolute must for you. Stop thinking about whats going on in your body and read a book, watch telly, learn tap dancing...lol anything to stop you from thinking about it. After a while you forget to be anxious and realise your body appears to be running by itself and you don't need to keep checking that your heart is still beating or that your breathing properly etc.

I hope some of this helps you

Mel

[conciliary]

Thanks Mel.

I wouldnt doubt it if I am breathing shallow. I have times where I am so focused on every little sensation in my body that I am sometimes able to catch myself needing to take a deep breath.

My common sense tells me that all of these issues are very much anxiety created, however its the WHAT IF's that I have a hard time ignoring. Everytime I feel lightheaded and think Im gonig to pass out, think my pulse is too slow, or feel "out of my body", etc, I say "its just the anxiety", but then theres the "WHAT IF it isnt this time?!?".

I know I will get through this again, as I have in the past, I just need to keep at it an not give up.

Thanks again

[bedhead]

Hi Conciliary

It wouldn't be anxiety without the "what if" element, try the " what if its nothing" approach. You ever tried Cognitive Behavioural Therapy? I have and its brilliant. Basically you're teaching yourself to think a positive thought instead of a negative one. for example.

If I were having palpitations i'd start to think, what if I have a heart attack, or it stops beating etc, try instead..... I'm having palpitations, its because i'm anxious and it won't hurt me, in a few minutes i'll be fine.

I've just been directed to this site by my GP. Have a look at it, i'm part way through the course and its been extremely helpful.

www.livinglifetothefull.com (http://www.livinglifetothefull.com)

Obviously this type of therapy involves lots and lots of repetative positive thinking, you may not beleive it at first but say it anyway, it becomes second nature, like driving a car. When you get in a car for the first time you think "how the hell am I going to remember all the things I need to do to be able to operate this thing". But once you've mastered it, you do it automatically. Trust me, this really works.

Mel