Will I ever feel better? I'm losing hope...

[Cody Storch]

In July of this year I woke up in the middle of the night with an extreme feeling of derealization, the stomach flu, and what became a 5 day panic attack that sent me to the ER. Before then, I was perfectly normal and able to function, and ever since then I have been a complete wreck. I have a constant feeling of dread, depression, and EXTREME anxiety rolled into one that is destroying my life. Keeping in mind that it was a very stressful day, parents had a huge fight and I had to shelter my little sister from it / watch the cops take my drunk mother away (but I have seen worse and experienced nothing like this).

So here I am almost 4 months later feeling like this is the end of the line at only 22 years old. Tonight I had serious feelings of wanting suicide, the first time that I've really considered it as an actual option. I went to a psychiatrist that put me on 2.5 MG of lexapro last week. I'm not sure if it was panic for no reason or a bad reaction, but after taking that small dose I completely flipped out and the anxiety went back to a 10/10 for a couple days. It felt like a terrible chemical reaction / almost as if I had taken ecstasy and only had the hangover effect. So now I am apparently unable to take medication to help me (I'd rather not anyway, but I was desperate). My brother also died 2 weeks ago, which wasn't the cause of the anxiety by any means, but made me depressed.

I recently moved back in with my parents after being on my own for 5 years before this all started happening. My mom is an alcoholic in denial, and my dad is a power controlling asshole. They also believe nothing is really happening and this is some cry for attention. They only make me pay a small amount of rent, but they fight constantly and I can't stand to hear my mom even talk now (shes always drinking). Is it possible that things just piled up causing me to have a nervous breakdown? Right now the anxiousness in my head is overwhelming, and if it's not that then its a very deep fear coupled with sadness CONSTANTLY. While it seems to be over NOTHING, could it be subconsciously that I need to get out of my parents house? I'm just hoping that this has a reason that can be solved... but it feels much more physical than something so simple.

I really want to feel better again. I don't know how I developed panic disorder and GAD in one night, and would love some insight. I'm going to a psychologist tomorrow for some CBT therapy and to talk, but I'd love to hear that this can go away and that there is a reason I started feeling this way :( Please help me... I'm getting more hopeless every day that this continues.

[KitahD]

I'm sorry for all the pain and turmoil you're going through. We all have a breaking point and it sounds like you hit yours. You can get better - the anxiety may always be there to some degree, but you can and will gain the tools to control it.

I reached my breaking point last year. Was going to bed and suddenly had an overwhelming sense of not being myself. I spent a few weeks afterward reading into things...thinking there were hidden meanings to mostly everything I saw or heard. A therapist helped me to realize that I have OCD anxiety and that I've had it all my life to some degree but it culminated to a breaking point that night.

You need to surround yourself with positive influences...if possible. You don't necessarily 'need' meds, but they do have their place. I tried Zoloft for four months and didn't like how it made me feel. I currently take Xanax 0.5mg as needed - which amounts to a few days per month.

I understand your fear...but you will be okay. Hugs.

[NeverToo...Fear]

Sorry you are in this situation, Cody.. things and tough situations in life can just sit there and pile up in the back of your brain and stew until you can have one of those breakdowns. Like you are a rubber band and being stretched over and over. You can keep stretching and going back to normal size, only temporarily, but eventually, the rubber band snaps when it's been stretched to far, and once broken, you can't go back to being that same rubber band..

It sounds to me like your parents are causing more unneeded stress in your life. Get out if you can. Toxic ppl will only make your life that much more complicated.. I think you are already on top of this being you are going to a psychologist. Just know that you will get better and these anxiety feelings won't last forever..

We are all here to help. Come by here any time you need to talk. Good luck to you !

[trinidiva]

Cody, sorry to hear what you are going through. Lexapro wasn't a good fit for me either. I ended up in the ER...my anxiety was a 10/10 also. I ended up taking Buspar....and was able to add in a tiny amount of liquid Zoloft. It helped me tremendously. Why not give another med a chance?