Please help me! I think I'm losing it

[goinginsane]

Hello, I am hoping somebody will be able to tell me what's wrong with me, or at least reassure me what everyone else is saying and that my symptoms are down to anxiety! Sorry it's so long, please bear with me, I'm very upset by all this.

Basically I've convinced myself I have MS and I'm terrified. All sorts of symptoms have shown themselves this week, and I'm finding it hard to believe all these could be down to anxiety.

I have been on Propranolol for a year to help calm me and for Migraines, but I stopped taking them around five/six weeks ago as I thought I could cope. My problems all started around four weeks ago, I was outside smoking and I looked up at the sky, I noticed a cloud had this strange effect that lasted only a fraction of a second, like bright light was sweeping across it, then I noticed floaters and flashes (like little sparks) in my vision when I looked at the sky. This didn't last very long and the flashes have never returned, but I still have the floaters (but not sure if I always have and now just paying more attention to them.)

Fast forward to last weekend, when I suddenly experienced tingling and subsequent numbness in my right hand, followed by me having a panic attack and ending up in hospital. I was told I was fine and sent home, but the loss of feeling in both my hands never went. When I'm very relaxed it's like I can feel fine again, but I still feel there is a slight loss of touch, am I crazy? I had a sore throat and was very tired, my legs felt heavy and I experienced some tingling in my right foot. I felt like I couldn't think clearly and a type of brain fog has come and gone since. I also feel like my eye sight isn't as good as it was before last week.

* The slight lack of feeling in my hands
* Slight numb face
* Floaters in vision returned, my right eye started to shake when I shut my eyes but this has stopped (I have an appointment with an optician tomorrow)
* Ringing ears (But I did damage my jaw and the ringing does go away when I really relax)
* Tingling legs, pins and needles in hands (not often) and this tingling does get worse when I'm more anxious
* Feelings of vertigo (But did get better)
* I had these strange lucid dreams that were very real, very odd, felt like I wasn't supposed to have such things.
* Insomnia
* Strange feelings sometimes with motion perception
* I feel strange in myself, fundamentally different, disconnected
* Stiff fingers (But have been stretching and using my hands so much since the first onset of symptoms, so not sure if I'm just overusing them, feels like loss of dexterity but this does go away sometimes)
* Brain fog -- it's weird, it's like I'm dumber and not as fast, but it's not constant
* Very emotional

Since the first hospital visit I have had three physical examinations from a doctor, all clear. I can touch my nose with my fingers very well, I can slap my hands palm up and palm down well, I can walk heel to toe well. They all say that I'm showing no physical signs of MS, that it's extreme anxiety. I've since been put back on the Propranolol (120MG a day) but I'm still feeling bad.

I even bought the Linden Method and have been trying it, when I relax fully I can feel tightness in my hand digits and one time I experienced pins and needles then. :(

It's getting to the point where my family are getting annoyed at me and I'm getting obsessed with this. They think I'm worrying about every little thing -- it's like I'm paranoid and losing my mind, but I'm just so scared and feel like nobody is taking me seriously. I'm at work now, first time in over a week, and I can't concentrate, I can only seem to think about my symptoms and worrying that I have MS.

Can anybody offer any advice? Thank you very much.

[RabidBadger]

Hi

I have had problems with anxiety for nearly nine years and in this time I have had a lot of contact with other anxiety sufferers and I can tell you categorically that a very high percentage of them (myself included), at one time or another, have been convinced that they are developing some debilitating condition like MS. You are by no means alone in how you feel.

The first thing I would say to you is that once the thought has crossed your mind that you might have something like MS, you will naturally look for evidence to support it - and when you look, you WILL find it. In doing this, you will notice things about your body that have been the same for years, but now seem significant and reinforce your idea that it must be some kind of devastating illness.

Secondly, imagine for a second that you were being chased by a lion. Chances are, your hands would be numb, your eyesight would be affected, your mind would be racing, etc. Adrenalin does these things to your body and the autonomic process that releases the adrenalin has no regard for whether the fear is real or imaginary. Of course, if the fear was real, the act of running away from the lion would help to dissipate the adrenalin and allow your body to return to normal. Also, there would be a discernible point in time where the danger was past and you no longer had to worry. These things don't happen when the fear is imaginary and so the effects of adrenalin are more noticable.

You say that you have been to hospital and had three physical examinations from a doctor. Why can't you believe what they tell you? They are not guessing; they see people who do have MS and they know what to look for - you would be no different. Unfortunately, what the doctor can not treat is your constant need to be reassured about the state of your health. This is what you have to address. Life comes with no guarantees and it is perfectly possible that, somewhere in the course fo your life, you will develop a horrible illness. Of course I hope you don't but you have to accept that it is a possibility and you can't let that stop you from enjoying life now while you are fit and well.

I actually know an old lady who has had MS for years and, while her movements are restricted, she isn't half as miserable as you seem to be making yourself by worrying about the possibility. Believe me, we find ways of coping with the hand we are dealt.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

Chris

[goinginsane]

Thanks for your reply. I have made another appointment with the doctor tomorrow and I will be requesting a visit to a neurologist, I think that's the only way I can move forward with this. I just feel very strongly that I have changed.

I understand what you're saying, you're right, I should take the Doctors word for it, but due to my (regrettable) self research, I have read about all sorts of scenarios when it comes to MS diagnosis. This brain fog, that is stopping me from thinking straight at work (it's horrible, I'm slow, feel stupid, can't concentrate on anything) and my stiff extremities / lost feeling in hands-- I can't believe a big spell of anxiety and depression could change me like this so quickly.

Thanks again though. Take care.

[RabidBadger]

Hi

I hate to dampen your expectations but I went down the same road years ago and I was told that there was a one year waiting list to see a neurologist and that they wouldn't even consider fast-tracking me unless I had started blacking-out.

Best wishes anyway

Chris

[gman84]

Hi

I have had problems with anxiety for nearly nine years and in this time I have had a lot of contact with other anxiety sufferers and I can tell you categorically that a very high percentage of them (myself included), at one time or another, have been convinced that they are developing some debilitating condition like MS. You are by no means alone in how you feel.

The first thing I would say to you is that once the thought has crossed your mind that you might have something like MS, you will naturally look for evidence to support it - and when you look, you WILL find it. In doing this, you will notice things about your body that have been the same for years, but now seem significant and reinforce your idea that it must be some kind of devastating illness.

Secondly, imagine for a second that you were being chased by a lion. Chances are, your hands would be numb, your eyesight would be affected, your mind would be racing, etc. Adrenalin does these things to your body and the autonomic process that releases the adrenalin has no regard for whether the fear is real or imaginary. Of course, if the fear was real, the act of running away from the lion would help to dissipate the adrenalin and allow your body to return to normal. Also, there would be a discernible point in time where the danger was past and you no longer had to worry. These things don't happen when the fear is imaginary and so the effects of adrenalin are more noticable.

You say that you have been to hospital and had three physical examinations from a doctor. Why can't you believe what they tell you? They are not guessing; they see people who do have MS and they know what to look for - you would be no different. Unfortunately, what the doctor can not treat is your constant need to be reassured about the state of your health. This is what you have to address. Life comes with no guarantees and it is perfectly possible that, somewhere in the course fo your life, you will develop a horrible illness. Of course I hope you don't but you have to accept that it is a possibility and you can't let that stop you from enjoying life now while you are fit and well.

I actually know an old lady who has had MS for years and, while her movements are restricted, she isn't half as miserable as you seem to be making yourself by worrying about the possibility. Believe me, we find ways of coping with the hand we are dealt.

I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

Chris

Hi Chris - just wanted to say that this is one of the best posts I have read on here!

I will read this whenever I start to worry that I have a serious illness, and in bumping this post I hope others will too.

Thanks

[RabidBadger]

Hi gman84

Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you found it helpful.

Chris

[ACARINGHART]

Chris,
Yes a very good post.

To the original poster...I went down that same road back in 01. Had a CT scan...because I at first experienced a massive head ache...pupil dialation (turned out it was the lighting in the room combined with an intense panic attack). A year later, went and got an MRI. I had the same exact if not incredibly similar symptoms as you described. I was CONVINCED something was wrong and would have bet my life on it. Everything turned out ok. I coped for awhile..no meds...nothing...then just less than a year ago...things started happening again. I was convinced they missed something..or whatever it was I was so afraid of had developed in my brain...so yes, you can bet on it...I went and got another MRI. I finally said to myself, I have to believe the DR's. I've been to 3 psychotherapists, 3 chiropractors, 4-5 eye doctors, maybe 6 and 3 different neurolgists. Finally, I said (and truly believe) there is nothing wrong with me. You, at some point in your life will have to accept this too and stop looking for things that are wrong with you. It is a nasty cycle but until you are ready to let your fears go, you may unfortunately get beat up by this viscious cycle. I've already been there, I can tell you it's not fun and it won't get you anywhere.

Your mind will play dirty tricks on you, but your body will never lie. Just remember that. I went through all this and for 7 years now...I'm still here. My mind played DIRTY, nasty, cruel triks on me but my body has never let me down, it's never lied to me. You will find this to be true in your own life. Now, I'm not a doctor, so you may want to get checked out, but do it once, maybe twice just to get a 2nd opinion, but aftet that, let it go. Trust. AND DOOOOOON'T go on the internet. That's like pouring salt on a wound. It doesn't help and Im willing to bet you aren't a doctor. Diagnosing yourself is bad news. It just makes things worse. I did it too.

Anyway, just know you're not along. There's so many who have been through this before you. Don't make the same mistakes...be happy, enjoy life...trust your body and trick your mind before it tricks you. Tell yourself you're okay and you will be.

Keep us posted. You'll be fine, even though it doesn't seem like it. Just hang in there :)

[Punk Rock Steve]

To Rabid Badger and A Caring Heart...thanks for your posts on this thread. They give me hope. I'm new on here and when I read the original post by Going Insane, I was just floored. I have had about 90% of the symptoms that were listed. If I ever had any doubts about whether I really have anxiety/panic disorder or was it my body, or was I going insane....reading the many posts I've read on this forum has totally convinced me that my middle name is "Anxiety". Joining this forum was one of the best things that I could've done for myself...thanks :)