Im new here and need some sort of advice on my anxiety issues

[M814]

Hello,
Im new to the forum. I just googled "anxiety forum" and this was the first one that came up. So Im hoping to get some advice, input, suggestions or anything with my anxiety issues.

I am a 35 year old single mother of a 17 year old girl. My anxiety started in 2004. I finally went to the dr about it in 2005. I now see a psychiatrist and a therapist for it. I am on 60mg Prozac and 30 mg Buspar. The Prozac is once a day and the Buspar is three times a day.

Anyway, on to my issues:

I kind of have "ups and downs" you could call it with my anxiety. Sometimes I feel fine and theres none and other times its through the roof. When I have a few good days, I think to myself, "Great maybe this is a start of something good. Maybe my anxiety will make a turn around and Ill finally start to feel better" then within the next few days, it never fails. My anxiety is back in full force. Lately its been anxiety about my daughters relationship with her boyfriend. Shes only 17 and theyve been together for 3 years. Minus 5 months that they broke up for. But now they are back together. They argue a lot and I cannot stand to see her upset, so when she is upset, I get concerned. So I always ask her if everything is ok with them and stuff. Then today she tells me she feels like I get too involved in her relationship with her boyfriend. She says I interfere. I dont feel that I do but she says I ask too many questions. My daughter and I have always been very close and she literally tells me everything, even if its going to make me mad. So when she said all of this, it upset me. I always constantly have it in my head that he isnt treating her right or theyre going to break up and if that happens I know my daughter will be devastated. Its on my mind almost from the time I wake up til the time I go to bed at night. Its so bad that it makes me nauseous, I get headaches, I feel weak, when I do go to sleep I sleep a long time, It makes me feel shaky. I cant stand the feeling. I just want to feel normal again. I dont want her to think Im too concerned and involved in her relationship but at the same time I cant stand to see her upset and it bothers me. Sometimes I think about it so much that I feel like Im going to lose my mind. Im not bipolar or schizophrenic. I have depression, OCD and anxiety. So in a way I guess you could say I obsess over my thoughts A LOT. I always fear the worst of every single situation. Sometimes the things I do I have to do in 3's, 5's or 7's. Like checking to see if I unplugged something. I know Ive checked but yet I still go back and check again over and over again. I hate it. I hate feeling like this. It seems like the only time Im happy is when I go to bed. I work 20 hours a week so on days I work I am up at 7am. On days I dont work, I can easily sleep from 1am to about 2 - 2:30pm the next day. And another thing, for the last few months my daughter has got progressively mouthier with me. If I tell her to do something she says "It would be nice if youd ask instead of spitting orders out at me all the time" then even when I do ask she doesnt do what I asked anyway. She works, the only bill she helps me with is the cellphone bill. Nothing else. I pay everything else by myself.

Im sorry I feel like Ive gone on and on with my issues but its the only way I know how to explain how I feel and whats going on with me.

Hopefully some of you can give me some kind of input. Like, do you have these same feelings or am I alone on this? What can I do to help relieve this? Why am I obsessing over things that have nothing to do with me? Theres more I could post but I dont want to make this post any longer than I already have so Im going to end it here. Ill add more as the discussion goes on.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this.

[Olive Yew]

Hello. I am a 19 year old sophomore in college so I was 17 not to long ago and I remember it well. My mom and I have a similar relationship. I tell her EVERYTHING. Ups and downs. I always have. I'm also extremely easy going. If she asks me to do something, i usually do it. (Given sometimes it's in my own time but usually it gets done if i remember to lol). At 17, I was a senior in high school and I remember my mom getting real clingy around that time and she would remind me about EVERYTHING. Sometimes multiple times. Or if I was going to the store or to a friends house or gonna talk about a situation with friends or my boyfriend or something... She'd go on and on and on and repeat herself a lot. And It really bugged me. I felt like she was taking me for a fool. If she asked me to do the laundry or the dishes, i didnt need a play by play of what to do. I CAN do my own laundry and dishes lol. Part of where we found peace is I asked her to back off a bit, explaining that I appreciated her help and concern but I felt smothered. The other part is I learned to understand her and why she was being so smotherly. It helped us both to relax.

As for your worrying.... Some of the greatest advice i've ever received is this: there's really no use in worrying. If you worry and it doesn't happen, you've spent all that energy worrying for NO REASON. If you worry and it DOES happen, then you have to worry TWICE and that's too much work that's unnecessary. If you truly have the relationship with her that you say, I suggest trusting her and her judgment and let her figure her relationship out. If she has issues, she's probably going to tell you. If she doesn't, then why worry? One of the biggest thing for kids our age is we LOVE to solve our own problems and it's good for us. We're learning how to deal with real world situations. I know many a. Couple who fight all the time but they're madly in love with each other. I the can make it work and they want to make it work, let them. Why worry about something that MIGHT happen. If your daughter isn't concerned, neither should you be. Plus, that time period is significant. If they've made it work for this long, they've got to be doing something right.

Now for your anxiety. You need to go on youtube and search "progressive muscle relaxation" and try some of those. They're cheesy and corny and have elevator music but they've helped me a lot. The first part of getting over your anxiety is letting go. You've recognized your triggers and what your mind obsesses over, so at least you know what to work on. For me, i have health anxiety so i'm constantly worried about my health. I fear the possibility of dying, having a heart attack, cancer, STD, anything life threatening really.... So when i start to have thoughts like "why is your stomach in pain? Is it pancreatic cancer?" I have to bounce those thoughts. Today, i had a panic attack because I got cold (still miffed at how stupid that is). But anyway i had to stand in the shower, shaking uncontrollably for 30 minutes and literally go through my list: "Your stomach hurts because you have IBS. Your abdomen hurts because your on your period. Your cold because you went running outside in 30 degree weather. Your tired... Because you went running. Your freaking out because you have anxiety disorder which includes headache, chest pain, racing heart, derealization, irrational thoughts, "butterflies", lightheadedness, hot and cold flashes, fatigue, and more." And slowly i relaxed. The key is to recognize the thoughts that will send you berserk and then either avoid, distract, or bounce them (disprove them). Over time, it should get easier and easier to do until you aren't obsessing over them. So far, it's been working for me.

I'm also on a large amount of supplements. I take a B complex, B5, multi vitamin, D12, herbal blend pill, 5HTP, and I rub magnesium oil on my feet (where it absorbs best) every morning. I also spend 20 minutes out in the sun every day with no sunscreen on. All of this has really been the turning point of my anxiety. But Anxiety works in the "two steps forward one step back" method. I'll do well for days and the get hit like a freight train and then start doing well again.
Think of yourself like a piece of clothing sewn wrong so someone has to go through with a seam ripper and then restitch you. Each ripped stitch hurts and feels awful but then your just that much closer to being better. Just dont give up on yourself and keep fighting. You'll get there :)

[Perses]

Excellent post Olive!!

[Olive Yew]

Excellent post Olive!! thanks :) just speaking from experience