Gulf dragging me down(

[manz82]

I really need people's advice and tips on how I handle and get through the situation I've found myself in.
A few things I need to explain first, so you all understand what is troubling me.
- my sister has been my anchor for the past few years. I feel like I lean on her when I'm anxious and she helps me ( or used to)
- We were both really good friends with out brothers ex girlfriend. She has children to him who I adore. I literally helped raise the three-year-old twins when my brother left her. She even lives two doors away from me. We were very close

Now to recent events.
A couple of months ago my sister and her husband set my friend up on a date with a man who was recently (three weeks) separated from his wife. I was not happy about the situation right from the start, but I was even more worried when I found out from this mans wife that he had gone to her and had sex after his first date with my friend.
I agonised over telling my friend for weeks and eventually I confided in my sister only to be told that they already knew and my friend was ok with it!
To cut a long story short, I told my friend to be careful and take things slowly with the guy and she stopped talking to me. Worst of all she has kept the children away from me. I adore the babies like they are my own and this has hurt me immensely. After seeing the guy for four short weeks, she let her kids meet him and I was furious, because I know that this relationship isn't going to last and now the kids are at risk of getting hurt.
To add to all this, my sister is completely sticking by my friend and this guy (he's a drug dealer by the way) and they are both ignoring me and constantly saying things behind my back.
It feels like we're back in infant school and I'm the unpopular kid and all I ever tried to do was be a loyal friend and a good auntie.
So, anyway, my sister screamed at me that she can't wait to move away from our family, that my brother is not fit to be a father because he hit the roof when he found out that his kids had been introduced to this guy (my brother is a brilliant dad) and she doesn't want to know any of us.
And now I feel totally isolated. I'm spending my days alone because I'm too afraid to go anywhere on my own. Like I said, I started to rely on my sister to help me. I feel like I've been totally abandoned for daring to try and protect my friend from an obvious ass hole.
The thing that hurts me the most is that my sister seems to completely despise me, and she knows more than anyone what I'm going through. When she was screaming at me the other day I begged her to stop because I was gripped by panic and she just carried on and told me to get a grip.
I'm devastated by all this. I can feel anxiety gripping my stomach even as I write this. The old me would have told the pair of them to f-off, but now I feel as though I'm accepting all the shit because I still need my sister to help me so I take the abuse and don't retaliate incase she stops helping me. Our children go to the same school and she comes with me on the school run every day because I panic in the playground when I'm on my own. I just feel like a pathetic, reliant sad case and I don't know what to do. The old me was strong, opinionated and no push over. Where have I gone?
What do I do?
Help

[trinidiva]

I understand what you are going through. I'm going to be severely honest with you. You are relying on your sister as a crutch. I think that while it is bad that your sister is turning her back on you, you HAVE to use this as an opportunity to learn to not use that crutch to get you through. You will feel much stronger once you see that you CAN be ok without relying on your "crutch" for help. I also think that while you care deeply about your friend....you have to let her figure out things with this guy on her own. Respect her decision but let her know that you are here for her if she ever needs to talk or needs help with the kids. I just mentioned to another person yesterday that while you want to help so much....you cannot jeopardize your health to do so. You have to learn how to release and let go. I had my own family situation not too long ago that I had to step back from a bit because my health was suffering. ...I was having severe anxiety and panic attacks.

[manz82]

I understand what you are going through. I'm going to be severely honest with you. You are relying on your sister as a crutch. I think that while it is bad that your sister is turning her back on you, you HAVE to use this as an opportunity to learn to not use that crutch to get you through. You will feel much stronger once you see that you CAN be ok without relying on your "crutch" for help. I also think that while you care deeply about your friend....you have to let her figure out things with this guy on her own. Respect her decision but let her know that you are here for her if she ever needs to talk or needs help with the kids. I just mentioned to another person yesterday that while you want to help so much....you cannot jeopardize your health to do so. You have to learn how to release and let go. I had my own family situation not too long ago that I had to step back from a bit because my health was suffering. ...I was having severe anxiety and panic attacks.

You're completely right. I agree with everything you say. It's already heightened my anxiety again and I'm scared I'm slipping back to when it was really bad.
The question is, how do I get the courage to do everyday things that scare me so much on my own? Like the school run? Shopping? Even going to the corner shop? I feel as though I will faint when I panic and I'm alone (even though I've never fainted in my life)
But the truth is, I need to stay away from my sister because she is very aggressive and nasty and she makes me feel worthless when she acts that way. She 's the type of person that says that nastiest things she can think of and doesn't think of what it will do to the other person. I've got to a point in my life where I desperately need to cut negativity and badness out but I really don't feel brave enough to face each day on my own.(