Snorelax
10-16-2013, 10:43 PM
Hi all this is my first post so I thought I give a short background.
I have GAD and OCD (undiagnosed) and had several bouts before which started when I was 15 years old. I have never been to a shrink or have taken medications. I just go online and read some coping techniques which would help me and keep my anxiety to almost zero levels for long periods of time. To note, my GAD and OCD had taken many themes before (religious, existential, family worries, health, etc.) which I won't elaborate anymore.
I haven't had any anxiety attacks for almost 3 years. However, last week, just all of a sudden, I had this *thought* that occurred to me that I won't be able to sleep or that I would always remain alert. This has snowballed into the thought that I won't be able to fall asleep ever, as you already know, has added more layers to my already existing anxiety. This thought brings my whole system into a *fight or flight* mode which is triggered every time I would try to sleep or even if I see anything related to sleeping (someone sleeping, the word "sleep"). Even if I'm just doing my normal activity, this thought would pop-out and would ruin my mood. This has happened every day for almost week.
It makes me feel nuts. I mean, from 1 year old up to now (I'm 27), I've slept like hundreds of thousands of times before. I am even considered by my peers as someone who can sleep anywhere. I can fall asleep while typing and while someone is talking to me. I can even sleep standing up. But for some reason, sleep feels so alien to me now. It's like, I've forgotten how to fall asleep normally. I'm always waiting for myself to fall asleep and can't let go of my *consciousness*. And this even adds more layers to my anxiety. Sometimes, I don't even have the thought, but my heart would just race every time I would try to sleep and since the mind tries to seek answers, it will try to remember what's making my heart race. Then *boom*, the thought would occur again. It feels like an itch that I have to *think* or it won't feel right.
I feel really stuck. The weird thing is that, I've always fallen asleep! Every night, I've slept for 7-8 hours but not without panic attacks as I close my eyes. However, it's the daytime dread of *forgetting how to sleep again* and having *panic attacks* before sleeping that's really reducing my quality of life. Even if I try to remind myself that, "Hey, last few nights, you thought the same and you still fell asleep", my mind would counter it with, "What if today is different? What if today, I would really forget how to sleep?" It's as if I have this chronic amnesia every time I wake up about *how to sleep* again.
Has anybody have sleep anxiety like this? What has helped you?
I have GAD and OCD (undiagnosed) and had several bouts before which started when I was 15 years old. I have never been to a shrink or have taken medications. I just go online and read some coping techniques which would help me and keep my anxiety to almost zero levels for long periods of time. To note, my GAD and OCD had taken many themes before (religious, existential, family worries, health, etc.) which I won't elaborate anymore.
I haven't had any anxiety attacks for almost 3 years. However, last week, just all of a sudden, I had this *thought* that occurred to me that I won't be able to sleep or that I would always remain alert. This has snowballed into the thought that I won't be able to fall asleep ever, as you already know, has added more layers to my already existing anxiety. This thought brings my whole system into a *fight or flight* mode which is triggered every time I would try to sleep or even if I see anything related to sleeping (someone sleeping, the word "sleep"). Even if I'm just doing my normal activity, this thought would pop-out and would ruin my mood. This has happened every day for almost week.
It makes me feel nuts. I mean, from 1 year old up to now (I'm 27), I've slept like hundreds of thousands of times before. I am even considered by my peers as someone who can sleep anywhere. I can fall asleep while typing and while someone is talking to me. I can even sleep standing up. But for some reason, sleep feels so alien to me now. It's like, I've forgotten how to fall asleep normally. I'm always waiting for myself to fall asleep and can't let go of my *consciousness*. And this even adds more layers to my anxiety. Sometimes, I don't even have the thought, but my heart would just race every time I would try to sleep and since the mind tries to seek answers, it will try to remember what's making my heart race. Then *boom*, the thought would occur again. It feels like an itch that I have to *think* or it won't feel right.
I feel really stuck. The weird thing is that, I've always fallen asleep! Every night, I've slept for 7-8 hours but not without panic attacks as I close my eyes. However, it's the daytime dread of *forgetting how to sleep again* and having *panic attacks* before sleeping that's really reducing my quality of life. Even if I try to remind myself that, "Hey, last few nights, you thought the same and you still fell asleep", my mind would counter it with, "What if today is different? What if today, I would really forget how to sleep?" It's as if I have this chronic amnesia every time I wake up about *how to sleep* again.
Has anybody have sleep anxiety like this? What has helped you?