Need a rant :-/

[petrified]

Hi everyone just writing this because I need a rant!
Well where to start, I was sent a picture message yesterday of text messages sent from my sister in law to a random man (not her husband). I was unsure what to do with it as I thought her husband should no. I sent the pictures to another family member so it wouldn't be down to me as I'm stressing and freaking out really easy at the minute.
Anyway the family member forwarded it to her husband and now I have just had a phonecall from my sister in law telling me it was none of my business to keep away from her and my husband (her brother) was no longer welcome there. That she is having an affair but it's between her and her husband. I totally understand but I just no if my husband was being unfaithful I would want to no.
My husband is a recovering alcoholic an has been sober for a year and a half now, I just worry this might tip him over the edge again and he nearly died through alcohol last time he is now living with liver failure. I am on edge he's at work but I'm panicking he's going to start drinking again and he has been very good at hiding it in the past. I'm also worried as he is now the only one of his 9 siblings not to be unfaithful and I'm just worried its going to be his turn next, to cheat on me! I panic also as because of my anxiety our relationship is a little strained at the moment, and that I will be the cause of him falling off the wagon or him cheating on me.
Thanks for reading just wanted to get it off my chest :-(

[NeverToo...Fear]

Aw, sorry to hear about this Hannah :( Family matters cause lots of drama and stress. It's best to stay away, but hard to when you've thrown into the thick of it. Hopefully things will be sorted soon, and maybe talk it all out with your husband and openly express your concerns and vice versa. Hopefully your husband will realize he has total support and will not turn to alcohol again. Good luck to you, and stay strong!! Vent any time you need to! We're all here to listen. :)

[trinidiva]

Can you talk to your sister in law....apologize for forwarding the pictures and just smooth things over? I kind of think that if you didnt want to get involved. ..you probably should not of forwarded the pics to another family member. ....you should of called your sister in law directly and spoken to her about it. Perhaps she could of used some good advice in that moment.
Considering what your sister in law has said though, not sure why she would say your husband wasn't welcome either if he really had nothing to do with it.

[petrified]

Aw, sorry to hear about this Hannah :( Family matters cause lots of drama and stress. It's best to stay away, but hard to when you've thrown into the thick of it. Hopefully things will be sorted soon, and maybe talk it all out with your husband and openly express your concerns and vice versa. Hopefully your husband will realize he has total support and will not turn to alcohol again. Good luck to you, and stay strong!! Vent any time you need to! We're all here to listen. :)

Thanks never too fear,
Just needed a good rant it's sometimes good to just write it down then it doesn't eat at me so much. Definitely going to have that conversation with my hubby though it might ease my worries a little :-)

[petrified]

Can you talk to your sister in law....apologize for forwarding the pictures and just smooth things over? I kind of think that if you didnt want to get involved. ..you probably should not of forwarded the pics to another family member. ....you should of called your sister in law directly and spoken to her about it. Perhaps she could of used some good advice in that moment.
Considering what your sister in law has said though, not sure why she would say your husband wasn't welcome either if he really had nothing to do with it.

Hi trinidiva, thanks for the advice. I did go to my sister in law first but she denied any knowledge when it had her phone number and dates and times. I truly thought her husband had a right to no as I would want to no if my hubby was being unfaithful. I have a strong opinion on cheating. I have never had a close relationship with her but try to get along for the sake of my husband. She is a compulsive liar and loves nothing better than causing trouble for other people. My husband and her other siblings no this too. The thing is her husband is great and I don't want to see him get hurt or used. Just 2 weeks ago we had a phonecall from him in tears and my husband had to rush off to see him as she went out one night and didnt come back. I posted on here that day as it caused me a panic attack :-(. I'm just fed up of the drama I'm struggling with my own anxiety issues and this really isn't helping :-(

[trinidiva]

So, her husband is already aware that things with her aren't 100 percent good. I would probably just then tell my husband and let him handle it with his brother how he sees fit. Talk to him though, and make sure he's not getting too overwhelmed by the situation that it makes him want to start drinking again. Here is something I had to learn the hard way.....you always want to be there for your family, but if it starts effecting your health or sanity, you have to sometimes take a small step back.

[petrified]

So, her husband is already aware that things with her aren't 100 percent good. I would probably just then tell my husband and let him handle it with his brother how he sees fit. Talk to him though, and make sure he's not getting too overwhelmed by the situation that it makes him want to start drinking again. Here is something I had to learn the hard way.....you always want to be there for your family, but if it starts effecting your health or sanity, you have to sometimes take a small step back.

Thanks trinidiva I'm definitely going to take a step back from now on, it's horrible to watch but he now knows and it's his choice. Yeah my husband is doing fantastic I'm so proud of him, but going to have a chat later when our sons in bed

[tailspin]

Hi Hannah,

I'm really sorry you are going through these stressful times!! Who sent you the pictures in the first place? It seems like that person was the one who started the ball rolling and yet you are the one your sister in law is angry with? That doesn't seem right. Or fair! Similarly, why is she upset with your husband? In any case, I'm really sorry that family tensions are running so high right now and I hope that, once your sister in law has cooled down a bit, you and your hubby will be able to talk to her again.

I definitely agree with NTF that it would be good to talk openly with your hubby about your fears. Also, is he still getting support in his recovery from alcoholism and does he have someone he can talk to when he is feeling really stressed? Not sure if he went the AA route and whether he has an AA friend or sponsor, or whether there is someone else from his treatment for alcoholism that he can talk to? That way perhaps the pressure would be lessened for you too, if you knew he has a healthy outlet? But, in any case, whatever happens with your husband's drinking, it is NOT your fault!!

I really know what it's like when our fears run away with us. I have the same problem. One bad thing will happen and then I will start really worrying about all the other terrible things that are going to happen as a result. It's hard to get a grip on those thoughts. When is your next CBT session? I think that CBT can be really helpful with we start our catastrophic thinking. I'm so sorry this is happening, Hannah, because I know you were already feeling bad. It's really good you're talking about it here. We want to support you however we can!!!

[petrified]

Hi Hannah,

I'm really sorry you are going through these stressful times!! Who sent you the pictures in the first place? It seems like that person was the one who started the ball rolling and yet you are the one your sister in law is angry with? That doesn't seem right. Or fair! Similarly, why is she upset with your husband? In any case, I'm really sorry that family tensions are running so high right now and I hope that, once your sister in law has cooled down a bit, you and your hubby will be able to talk to her again.

I definitely agree with NTF that it would be good to talk openly with your hubby about your fears. Also, is he still getting support in his recovery from alcoholism and does he have someone he can talk to when he is feeling really stressed? Not sure if he went the AA route and whether he has an AA friend or sponsor, or whether there is someone else from his treatment for alcoholism that he can talk to? That way perhaps the pressure would be lessened for you too, if you knew he has a healthy outlet? But, in any case, whatever happens with your husband's drinking, it is NOT your fault!!

I really know what it's like when our fears run away with us. I have the same problem. One bad thing will happen and then I will start really worrying about all the other terrible things that are going to happen as a result. It's hard to get a grip on those thoughts. When is your next CBT session? I think that CBT can be really helpful with we start our catastrophic thinking. I'm so sorry this is happening, Hannah, because I know you were already feeling bad. It's really good you're talking about it here. We want to support you however we can!!!

Hi tailspin,
It was the person she was having the affair withs girlfriend who sent me the pics. I think she's angry with my husband as he defended me and she didnt like it. She's never been supportive of him she often sits and drinks alcohol around him!

My husband never went down the aa route, he has done many rehabs over the years but the last time he ended up with bleeding varicose and I think that was his rock bottom. I have always been his support system, that's why I panic with having anxiety, that I might push him over the edge. It's like our roles have totally reversed I'm not used to having someone take care of me. I'm starting to understand his drinking wasn't my fault but I had it drilled into me it was my fault for so long it's sometimes hard to convince me. My dad is an alcoholic too so I've always just assumed I caused people to drink. (An issue I need to work on)

I totally get what your saying about fear running away with you, since this has happened I've convinced myself the family hates me and any number of things. My current that everyone is better off without me! My next cbt session is a week tomorrow, demand is really high in my area for the service so it's on a twice monthly basis. I can't wait to get started properly, as last week was just about setting my goals and what I hope to achieve.
Thanks for your support and your rational ideas. I apologise for ranting on just needed to get it down and out of my head for a little while. So I don't sit ad obsess. Thanks for listening :-)

[tailspin]

Don't apologize!!! It's really good to get it out. Also, when it comes to my own issues, I am incredibly irrational. It's always so much easier to write a rational response to someone else than to apply it to yourself!

Families!!! Got to love the drama!!! Not!!! I'm really sorry you are going through this. My Dad had big problems with alcohol too. It was difficult growing up around that and all the absolute chaos alcoholism brings with it.

It's great your hubby has been sober for so long. And that you've stuck by him through it all. I hope this current storm blows over soon. Hugs to you! xxxxx

[trinidiva]

Thanks trinidiva I'm definitely going to take a step back from now on, it's horrible to watch but he now knows and it's his choice. Yeah my husband is doing fantastic I'm so proud of him, but going to have a chat later when our sons in bed

Sounds good.Don't worry. Everything has a way of working itself out.

[jessed03]

I'm hoping for the best for both the affair situation, and your husbands drinking past time.

I wanna stick my hand in and make the stress go, but ahh, I cant :-/

Whatever happens, we'll be here for you..... Afterall you're my This or That game homegirl :)

And we got trini... lifes always good with trini around.

557

[trinidiva]

I'm hoping for the best for both the affair situation, and your husbands drinking past time.

I wanna stick my hand in and make the stress go, but ahh, I cant :-/

Whatever happens, we'll be here for you..... Afterall you're my This or That game homegirl :)

And we got trini... lifes always good with trini around.

<img src="http://anxietyforum.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=557"/>

You know it!!!!!!!! Lol.

[petrified]

Don't apologize!!! It's really good to get it out. Also, when it comes to my own issues, I am incredibly irrational. It's always so much easier to write a rational response to someone else than to apply it to yourself!

Families!!! Got to love the drama!!! Not!!! I'm really sorry you are going through this. My Dad had big problems with alcohol too. It was difficult growing up around that and all the absolute chaos alcoholism brings with it.

It's great your hubby has been sober for so long. And that you've stuck by him through it all. I hope this current storm blows over soon. Hugs to you! xxxxx

Thanks tailspin :-)

[petrified]

I'm hoping for the best for both the affair situation, and your husbands drinking past time.

I wanna stick my hand in and make the stress go, but ahh, I cant :-/

Whatever happens, we'll be here for you..... Afterall you're my This or That game homegirl :)

And we got trini... lifes always good with trini around.

<img src="http://anxietyforum.net/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=557"/>

Love the picture thanks jessed, it really put a smile on my face :-D
Haha trini is fab like you all, it feels like family here, everyone is so lovely and supportive and seen me through some really tough times :-)

[trinidiva]

[QUOTE="petrified"]

Love the picture thanks jessed, it really put a smile on my face :-D
Haha trini is fab like you all, it feels like family here, everyone is so lovely and supportive and seen me through some really tough times

It is a family of sorts here...a very anxious family (lol) but tons of people with hearts of gold.

[petrified]

Your right there I couldn't cope without you lot lol. It's also nice to try and help people too it's horrible we all feel like this and I wouldn't wish it on anyone but it's also nice to no I'm not alone or a weirdo in how I feel lol :-)

[tailspin]

Super cute picture, Jessed! I agree it really helps to be a part of a community of people who get it, just like this community here!!!

How are you doing today, Hannah? Were you able to have a chat with your hubby last night? Hope so, and hope it helped.

[petrified]

Yeah I did thanks he's tried to reassure me that's the last thing on his mind, either the drink or having an affair. Things are still uneasy in the family we tried to contact his sister but she's ignored us! I think we are just going to concentrate on our little family for a bit, just the three of us. We are the most important. Thanks for asking tailspin. I've always got my family here as well :-)

[tailspin]

Yeah I did thanks he's tried to reassure me that's the last thing on his mind, either the drink or having an affair. Things are still uneasy in the family we tried to contact his sister but she's ignored us! I think we are just going to concentrate on our little family for a bit, just the three of us. We are the most important. Thanks for asking tailspin. I've always got my family here as well :-)

Really glad your hubby was so reassuring! Sorry about his sister, but I think your plan of focusing on the three of you is definitely the best way to go! Wishing you happy times together, Hannah!

[MrsM4]

WHY exactly did your sister in law forward this pic to you?
Was it really accidental or did she want to get caught.

[petrified]

WHY exactly did your sister in law forward this pic to you?
Was it really accidental or did she want to get caught.

Probably it's not the first time either, as she forwarded me some emails between herself and and another man back in may. Just hate how it's all been twisted around and made my fault :-/ but never mind. To be quite honest I don't need someone like that in my life right now.

[MrsM4]

Or probably ever.

[tailspin]

To be quite honest I don't need someone like that in my life right now.

Exactly!! Well said, Hannah! I just read your other post too and I really think your sister in law's behavior is appalling!! Made me quite angry!!!! Definitely, just leave her to her own devices and don't include her in your life right now!! She sounds really toxic!!