Hi, I'm new, scared, and maybe alone.

[Punisherthunder]

A short biography..........


About 3 years ago I started seeing a doctor for extremely untreated GERD symptoms. In my overactive state, the doctor prescribed Clonazepam to generally calm me down. Well, that right there worked well with myself and any anxiety I might have been having. I was only supposed to take it as needed, so I was on and off of it for 3 years.

Last winter I got a new job because I graduated college. I was so excited to be there and do well, but in short, everyone has been disagreeable, unfriendly, mean, not showing me how to do my job, etc. I have tried finding a new job but nobody is hiring much, so I'm still stuck for the time being. Then just last week, I was given a minor "promotion" to another office.

I don't deal well with change at all. Now instead of taking 2 Clonaze (.25mg) a day, I take 5. Yes, that's right 5.

My employer provides me with some free visits to a council center nearby. I met with a counselor about 4 times and his conclusion was that everything is in my head and that there is nothing "wrong" with me.

I realize some of what I'm saying is non linear, but I'm such a mess right now, I don't know what to do. I feel alone, and helpless.

[tailspin]

Hi Punisherthunder, Welcome to the site! So sorry you're feeling alone and helpless! Your counselor does not sound very good! Regardless of whether or not "it's all in our head", the fact is that having an Anxiety Disorder causes us major problems and these need to be taken seriously and addressed! What kind of counselor are you seeing? Is there any way you could see a licensed therapist who has experience treating anxiety issues?

Also, I'm wondering if you have ever thought about trying an anti-depressant? They can help with anxiety and they could help you cut down on your Clonazepam usage. Could you talk to your doctor about this? In the meantime, this forum is a great resource and I know you'll find lots of support here!

[Punisherthunder]

Thank you so much for the response! My doc tried 3 different SSRIs but I have some sort of allergic reaction and he had to take me off of them.

The counselor was a "licensed Christian therapist". He was helpful at first, but now I realize as sincere as he is, he doesn't help me much at all. I'm trying to find the next step I should take to talk to someone or seek out a support group.

I'm painfully shy, quiet, and scared. I'm just glad to have found this site. Thank you for your response

[atcmom]

I've been to three different counselors, sometimes it takes time to find a good 'fit'. I'd suggest a new one for sure. The dose of your meds doesn't seem that bad, that's 1.25 mg a day, right? I take .75 a day, but under the care of a doctor who has said I can go up to 1 a day when things are tough. I'd for sure make sure your psych is okay with the dose. See a psych, not a gp. What about another class of medicine? I don't know that much about meds, but I had a problem on zoloft and for two years wouldn't try anything else. My new doc just put me on lexapro but let me control the dose by starting with a drop at a time till I got up to a higher dose. This was b/c I was afraid of a reaction. Find someone that will work with you.

[Punisherthunder]

That's my next step is finding someone to work with me. The problem is the culture I am in. I took this job because I had to and not because I wanted to. I've been suffering at it ever since I was hired on. Nobody understands my situation. I know I'm speaking somewhat reserved about this but my situation is:

I have a new job assignment....I was never trained when I started, I complained and nothing happened......in this new assignment the guy assigned to me is upset because I haven't caught on after an hour or so. Now if I need his help he yells at me about not knowing what I'm doing and this furthers my anxiety. But if I go to the supervisor over all of it, I could lose my job and in this economy that's not what I need.

I feel so helpless and full of pain....

[tailspin]

Hi again, That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in and I'm very sorry you are dealing with this! I guess I'm not quite clear on why it could cost you your job if you explain to your supervisor that you did not receive the proper training necessary to carry out your work. Is there really no way you can explain to someone that you have not been trained? Sorry if I am being naive, but surely no one can expect you to do your job without any training?

I really hope you can talk to someone about this. No wonder you are feeling anxious. This is a horrible situation to be in. Definitely I would also pursue finding a new therapist to work with.

Wishing you all the best, Punisherthunder. Please let us know how you are doing!

[Punisherthunder]

Thank you Tailspin for your kind words.

I have a meeting with a councilor on Wednesday and will be receiving new training from a less threatening staffer. I'm also seeking more solace within the faith of my Church.

On the training with a staffer, he told me in uncertain terms that I don't need to "stooge" to the management if I have a problem with his training. That I should tell him and he will clarify. That intimidated me to no end... But tomorrow is another day.

[tailspin]

That is great news!! So glad to hear you are going to be able to train with someone less threatening! And that you will be seeing a new counselor! Well done for making these things happen!! Good luck to you!!

[Chris80]

Hi Punisherthunder,
I think you're doing a fantastic job even making it to work! I'm so messed up i've given up for now. I think of it as giving myself time to heal.
I understand the cultural thing - it sux!! People talking, having to do things you don't actually want just to look good..... The list goes on lol

Hope you're having a good day today :-)

[Dahila]

Hi Punisherthunder, unfortunately only few people in the world have the job they love, the rest has to suffer. I am on clonazepam once a day (before work) even the doc said if I get up in the morning and feel bad I should take twice 0.5 mg. Sometimes I do. I can not take antidepressant like you, so she put me on Gabapentin 3x300 mg. It seems to help me with anxiety. No more panic attacks , so far. When they come I take 1 mg of Ativan. I is happening like once a month maybe. I feel calmer and not so pessimistic. I stopped thinking about collapsing right here and dying :) Cultural differences can be a b*** too :( I now a bit about it:)
Work is the worst stress causing situation for me, so I do feel for you. You are trying to stay and work and that's good.