Why I can't I cry?

[assilem]

I've been feeling so full of pressure the past few weeks and yesterday had a really down day after something that happened at work, but no matter what when I get home I just can't cry. At work I was a little teary bit I really want to have a full on break down weep but it just won't happen. I feel like a balloon that it over full and won't pop. It makes e feel numb.

I'm not on meds, I've just learned to bury my issues until a more appropriate place. Have I bottled it up too well? I'm having such negative thoughts and feelings of anxiety along with it. I've had anxiety depression disorder for 15 years. I've tried talking out loud at home as if I'm talking to a counsellor and even typing this isn't triggering it. I feel so frustrated.

Does this happens to anyone else?

[tailspin]

Hi assilem. I can relate. Having a good cry can be a powerful release and I sometimes wish I could cry more often too (although on the other hand, there have also been times when I do cry and it feels like I'm sinking into a bottomless pit of sadness, which is scary.)

I do think that having difficulty crying is part of depression (though, equally, crying all the time can be part of depression too for some people). Definitely it's not uncommon to feel emotionally blocked or even numb when you're depressed. I do think that the tears will come though, and it might well be something seemingly trivial that makes you cry (that's often been the case for me). But I know it's frustrating in the meantime when you feel like an overfull balloon that won't pop (good description!!)

Are you seeing an actual counselor? I remember one time I was having a problem crying about something that I was really sad about and the counselor asked me to draw a picture, and I soon started sobbing! At any rate, seeing a counselor can be really helpful. I hope that is an option for you.

This site is really helpful too and there's a lot of useful info and many friendly folks here! Wishing you better days ahead, assilem!

[NeverToo...Fear]

Something similar happened to me. There was a personal situation in my life to where it was really bad, but I was burying all of my emotion while it was happening--feeling the pressure and numbness increase as time went on.. I hid it all inside me and I wouldn't cry.. I couldn't cry! Everyone was impressed how I was handling everything so well, but then, much like the balloon popping, the damn broke, the water flooded in and I was suddenly crying about every little thing--suddenly becoming over sensitive. I hated crying, but honestly felt better with each bout, even though I felt so silly..

I'm not saying the same thing will happen to you, but hopefully you'll get things sorted soon. I don't know if crying situations like that can be forced..naturally your mind might decide when it's time to cry again.. Good luck to you :)

[assilem]

I'm not seeing anyone right now. My work hours make it tricky to see anyone regularly. My nan came by today and I spilled it all out to her and she held me while I let go. It's a start.
I have anxiety coupled with depression and they act was triggers for each other, so it's a bit of a catch 22. I get anxious that I get depressed and I get depressed that I get anxious. And I worry about everything.
Right now I'm worried that my brother hasn't been able to get work for 3 months and they have their 4th baby on the way, my mum just got her final warning at work so if she loses her job it's just me working and trying to help,support everyone. Then some horrible person leave a note in the kitchen with my name saying I'm a slut, right where the whole office could read it. I just couldn't speak. Been sent home for 2 days on paid leave while they work out who left it.
I just keep thinking the worst. I try not to but it's just so hard to be positive when your hole life has been full of bad luck and no breaks.
I may have to go back to the meds, which I really don't want to as it makes things complicated if I need to medicate for my heart condition. Yeah another anxiety trigger.

[assilem]

Sorry typo of hole should be whole but looking at it it's somehow appropriate, maybe subconscious.