I think I am dying

[tabs]

Hello!

It´s so complicated... Well, I am a freshmen at university and I am going through several difficulties that are related to being a freshmen. I must admit that quite many things are OK or even very good in my life, but I can´t accept one thing. That one thing is hypochondria.

My latest concern is related to my lungs and breathing. I find it hard to breathe, my every breath is not satisfying(I guess it is called shortness of breath), I feel a pressure in my chest area and so on. But well, these are classical anxiety symptoms. I feel very dreaded about these symptoms that I have: tickling sensation in my throat and lungs and when I breathe I can hear from the sound that it is not "clear" but sort of obstructed.(the sound imitates the sound when you blow through straw) And the most debilitating symptom is this: sometimes I get this sensation of "breathing collapsing"(seems like lungs close up for a second and then release) that at times is accompanied by quick blackening in eyes(vision problem, can´t describe it better) and after this sensation I feel tickle in my lungs for minutes and quick tightening under my chest. I have developed this symptom few months ago and back then I wasn´t really bothered but now I am worried. As much as I have observed this symptom it tends to reoccur when I am nervous and in certain positions. I have checked my heart, nothing except a little bit elevated BP and heart rate could be registered. I have done blood tests too, I am low on D-vitamin(now taking supplements) but everything else is normal. I have some issues with scoliosis and cifosis and I think it might have an effect on my breathing. Also I started getting random pains in my legs which are probably muscle spasms. And well, I have developed vision problems too, sometimes everything seems dimmer.

Does anyone have the same complaints? Could it be something serious? I have an appt. on next week, can´t wait.

[Perses]

I think the best thing you can do is to see a doctor about your complaints. I get especially stressed in new situations. I feel bombarded by all the new experiences - new classes, new friends, new living arrangements, etc. There's a surfeit of choices; you aren't bound by your parents' rules. All this can seem overwhelming. In short, you are in your rights to feel anxiety; it is a new situation.

I have experienced difficult breathing -- my solution was to count 3 seconds; wait 3 seconds, and then breathe out 3 seconds. This helped.

The other thing that I find useful is to actually exercise by doing jumping jacks for 4 minutes. That is to deliberately get my heart rate up and my breathing rate up. My purpose here is to make my body physically respond to a real physical stressor. As in: OK, Body! So you feel like having a panic attack, well I'm going to circumvent that by exercising to force you to deal with an actual physically demanding situation. How does it help me: a) it takes away some of the adrenaline that's building up b) it gives me something to do that I hate, aka exercise and thus gets my mind off of my worrying c) I dare myself to die. In other words, I say to myself, ok, if I really were dying from sudden cardiac arrest then jumping jacks will surely do it. Bye cruel world!! And so guess what: I feel exhausted, but I'm not dead. This helps me keep my anxiety in perspective. If I can do jumping jacks and not die, then the anxiety is not going to kill me.

When I was 21, I went off to the University of Wisconsin to start a year long program in India. The program required a 2 month summer course in Hindi at Madison. I was a complete basket case for the first week -- crying that I wanted to come home, that I was never going to learn Hindi, that every one else was smarter than me. Oh God was I just miserable. However, I got over it because my fears were unfounded. My real experiences in the classroom trumped the false anticipatory fears that were sabotaging my chance. Also, I wasn't the best student in the class, but I did well on my tests. I might not have been perfect, but I wasn't a failure either. I think with anxiety the mind can't see half triumphs - either everything is perfect, or, total abject belly-crawling humiliation. Things are always in-between, or, really, pretty ok good.

Sooooo..... 8 weeks later we are getting ready to fly to India. I start getting involuntary muscle spasms every where in my body. It's not really that my arms and legs jerked, but that I swear I could feel the synapses firing. If felt like electricity was pulsating through my body. I went to a doctor, actually the doctor thought I might be developing some neurological disease. It turned out that my problem was that I had been hyperventilating. hyperventilation syndrome) Not in an obvious way, but enough to cause, among other symptoms, the tingling. This came as a total shock to me because I thought hyperventilating just meant breathing faster shallower breaths in a really obvious way. It turned out that it can be very subtle and sort of build up over time. So, my doctor said I need to be much more conscious of my breathing, to count my breaths. and to take some anti anxiety medication to short circuit this trap I'd fallen in to.

I was put on Xanax and told to take it several days before I left for India and for a week after my arrival, once things had settled down. That's what I did, and in fact, I stopped taking the Xanax within 3 days of arriving in India because my anxieties were largely assuaged. Yes, the people on the group were nice; no I didn't have horrible teachers, yes, I found a nice place to live; yes, there was bottle water to drink, and, most importantly, yes, India really was an amazing place, and I was lucky to have the chance to go.

All this is by way of saying that your symptoms are in line with anxiety. See the doctor, and trust the doctor's judgment on these things. Try too to determine what it is about your experience at university is making you happy and what is triggering stress. Clearly, you are happy there, so what is the external circumstance that leads you to feel stressed. Are you having fun in your classes, but don't like hanging out with people? Do you like meeting new people, but your course work makes you nervous? Do you miss your family? Are you rooming with someone you don't like?