PDA

View Full Version : Hi



Physicallyill
10-09-2013, 09:51 PM
Well, well , well, what brings me to an anxiety forum? I'm not entirely sure myself.
I guess we all suffer from anxiety from time to time, it helps people perform better...but when your body is in flight mode all the time then it is a major problem, which I guess is what jappened to me.

On the 25th of june I went to bed one night feeling 21 year old fabulous to waking up like an 80 year old with lung disease...I woke up and my breathing felt blocked? It felt like I could only breathe one side...very unusual, I hoped it was something that would pass , but I went to my trusty google anyway & found a page on lung cancer....where it all began. Shoulder pain was one of the symptoms, well I previously had shoulder pain before but put it down to sleeping on it funny . I had 3 of the symptoms that was it , I definitely had lung cancer...
Naturally I rushed to the hospital and got an ECG & chest x ray, both fine...well this was a bit unusual , what's going on, why can't I breathe?

I returned home & started throat inspecting looking for clues on this narrowed breathing to find a massive tonsil , I'd never really had enlarged tonsils before , but what does it mean? A quick google search told me I definitely had tonsil cancer or lymphoma.
I went to my gp for antibiotics if it doesn't go down with antibiotics it's definitely cancer...2 courses of antibiotics down the road I started itching (antibiotic reaction), itching? And breathless? A quick google search confirmed I definitely had liver disease, I started crying I became so consumed with my illnesses at this point I stopped going out & cancelled my holidays. I was dying. I knew it, I was dying.
I shouldn't have overdone it with all those binge drinking sessions ill be gookg jaundice soon & who's going to give me a liver?
I quickly went to my gp about my new theory and she gave me a full blood count , which turned out fine. I wasn't convinced but we will move into liver disease later...this go damn tonsil hasn't gone down still...
I went to my gp about 10 times about it at this point who told me it was perfectly normal...I sat reading about tonsil cancers all day & how GPS know nothing about it I was feeling really angry about my GPS lack of action so printed out stuff on tonsil cancer...she sighed and referred me to an ent, I could relax my problem was being dealt with

At this point I darted trembling and tingling a lot and felt weak one side, and was still getting the narrowed breathing problem, I hadn't even been to the ent yet & diagnosed myself with ms..I ran to the doctors quicker than I coild even pronounce the name ...at this point she already suspected hypochondria , she gave me a quick neurology exam and sent me packing. I was furious she didnt even order an MRI jow can sue be sure.

I hadn't even seen the ent yet & I had already diagnosed myself with ovarian cancer, lung cancer, gallbladder problems, appendix problems, nerve disorders, lung disease, throat cancer, liver cancer, breast cancer, eye cancer & various others
I stopped going out because I didn't just think I was ill. I felt it.

The day I went to see the ent
I was like this is it , I'm finally going to get my diagnosis , I can stop worrying now and be cured.
I stepped into his office, he took a look with the camera and said there was jotbing there. 'What!? ' I said , cjecked again I demanded!
He was very abrupt and said my tonsil was normal too.:::I wasn't having any of this, penny from pennsylvania was misdiagnosed and I'm not letting the same thing happen to me. I demanded a tonsilectomy/biopsy and a neck MRI , he said fine and told me I need to sort my anxiety issues out .

The tonsilectomy just caused more stress which is too much of a long story but it was brutal & the biopsy resilts came back normal but I'm still confused as to why it flared up but its one less Tbilisi to worry about .

I kept going to my gp about my various symptoms, she refused to do anymore tests and said I'm the most extreme hypochondriac she's ever seen. I was really angry it wasn't being taken seriously. She put me on antidepressants which I thought I'd give a shot even tho I was suffering from a physical illness not a psychological one...I took the pills but denied the therapist

A couple of days later I got a chest infection so went for some antibiotics, I started feeling very weird and dizzy after them & reading they could cause cardiac arrest scared me. I stopped taking them.
I felt weird and was becoming extremely anxious , I rushed to the hospital suspecying heart attack
ECG was fine and more anxiety diagnosis'....
I was going to a&e everyday, sometimes 4 times a day getting ecgs , all growing possed off with me telling me to sort my anxiety issues out . But I really feel sick and google Ie telling me I have symptoms of a heart attack, these tests aren't accurate!
To make mattes worse I was chatting to a girl outside who said ECG missed her bfs heart attack ......

I am sick and dizzy and convinced. I have heart problems now & my gp is refusing 24 hour Holter test and I'm embarrassed of running back and forth to a&e and I just want the symptoms to stop I'm so scared. I am worried ill die every minute of heart attack/stroke and everyone laighs at it. But I really believe this & have had to stop myself from going to a&e as they hate me & don't do anything anyway. My gp has gave me a ban which has made me even more anxious.

I finally tried the therapist , finally someone who was friendly to me! They suggested I have GAD but I wasn't believing any of it and was put on a high dose of lustral which ill jist be pretending to take.

This is my adventure so far and sick of the extreme symptoms and fear of having an undiagnosed serious heart problem/disease.
Just needed to rant :) too long didnt read, I know! X

tailspin
10-11-2013, 05:58 PM
Hi Physicallyill. Welcome to the site! Sorry you are dealing with this extreme Health Anxiety. I know there are people here who can relate to a lot of this. Your GP does not sound helpful (to put it mildly) and I'm thinking it would be good for you to try and register with a new GP. It's just not useful in any way for a doctor to tell you that you are a hypochondriac and to ban you from having any more tests. Your Health Anxiety in and of itself is an illness and you need help with and treatment for this. Plus, as I have told my doctor a couple of times, even hypochondriacs get sick!!

It's great you've started therapy. Hopefully you are going to be seeing this person regularly? I'm not clear whether you are on medication or not. You mentioned at one point in your post that you did try anti-depressants. How did that go? I take an anti-depressant and it does help with some of my depression and anxiety issues. I think ADs can be especially helpful with the type of obsessive-compulsive thoughts you're having about your health. Hopefully you can explore the medication question again, preferably with a psychiatrist.

There's a lot of useful info here at the site and I hope it helps you to spend some time here. Good luck to you!!!

Physicallyill
10-12-2013, 11:52 AM
Hi tailspin ...have you gone down the therapy route?
Does your gp like to blame everything on stress & anxiety too?

Things took a turn for the worst I convinced myself I had a ruptured abdominal aneurism & I still think that, I have all the symptoms ... & now I'm worried my whole body is failing along with my internal bleeding & no one will believe me .
The doctor laughed in my face at a&e saying 'come back in 59 years' without doing tests just some blood and vital signs saying I have a uti .

I feel so ill and not sure whys going on and I just want a quick painful death cus I can't cope with it anymore, I am expecting to get a stroke soon and be spoon fed for the rest of my life and no one believes me because I'm young.
It's killing me inside how ill I feel , anxiety can't make you feel this ill , there's something going on and I know it .

I was on citalopram but now been prescribed lustral and not taking them , don't want the side effects

Physicallyill
10-12-2013, 12:03 PM
I meant painless ofc :/

tailspin
10-12-2013, 12:23 PM
Hi again, Yes, I have had a lot of therapy. Some of it has been helpful. But at the end of the day it comes down to me......Some days I think nothing short of a lobotomy to remove part of my brain will work!!! However, that said, I do think that therapy is a good idea.

I have definitely been dismissed by my doctor before and it really pisses me off. I think that, as soon as the word "Anxiety" finds it's way into your medical file, there is a tendency for some doctors to write you off as a hypochondriac. I actually complained about my doctor's attitude and that really helped. She definitely does take my physical health issues more seriously now. I am sooo sorry your GP has treated you so badly!! Can you file a complaint against him? It is outrageous that he would laugh in your face! What a jerk!

I definitely know what you mean when you say that you can't believe anxiety can make you feel this ill. I have a number of chronic physical health issues that make me feel very poorly quite a bit of the time (migraines, nausea and sinus issues mainly) It's hard for me to accept that anxiety is causing this. Having said that though, anxiety really can make us feel very unwell. A panic attack literally makes you feel like you are dying and if you live in a state of constant heightened anxiety/panic, then it's actually not that hard to understand how that would make you feel really ill.

Honestly, I think you have to find a new doctor. And I would definitely continue seeing your therapist. If it was me, I would give the medication a go because there is not much left to lose (that's the point I got to. I didn't want to take meds either but I was in such a bad state that I was finally ready to try anything. And medication has definitely helped me a bit). I think it's great you've joined this forum too. A lot of people here understand and can offer support!