Hate this :-(

[petrified]

How can I go from one month being terrified I'm dying, to now thinking of the best way to kill myself :-( I'm sick of this I'm feeling really down and no everyone will be better off without me :-(

[chewie90]

I'm sorry about what's going on for you. But giving up should never b the answer. U should probably go back to the doctor and have them refer u to a specialist. Don't give up on yourself I know you're strong and u have 1000% support from me and everyone here. This is what this forum is for. I hope things get better for you and u can always msg me and I will respond quickly. Best wishes

[mosa369]

Dear Petrified -

I know exactly what your going through when I had my nervous breakdown I suffered everyday with almost every possible emotion going through me. My head was racing with thoughts, I couldn't stop crying and on top of that I wasn't sleeping waking up every 2 hours. At that time I felt so weak that I just wanted to go to sleep for ever and then I felt guilty for having those thoughts. I don't know if you have children but I believe 70% of me coming out of that dark place was to do with my girls.
Petrified you must stay strong I know that sounds so cliche and most positive words will sound cliche right now - Though understanding your symptoms and knowing that your not alone will make you feel less vulnerable. Read up on some self help books - Exercise and meditation is also an amazing coping mechanism. These all helped me and I hope they will work for you - Please have hope xxx

[NeverToo...Fear]

It's crazy, how our brain swings so wildly in emotions..from fearing death, to thinking how to join its irrevocable club.. I know that people would not be better off without you. You have people that care about and love you. You know in your heart who they are. Your husband. Your son. They love you no matter what. You think it will never end, that there's no way out. It's easy to feel like that when you've been dealing with issues such as anxiety for so long. But don't give up!
Remember how you feel when you are having good days, and know that you can get them back. Remember what makes you smile and hold on to it. Giving up is not the answer. I know that you are stronger than this and you will survive and come out even stronger. It's hard, but just remember that we are all here to support and help you. <3

[petrified]

Thank you everyone I no my husband and son love me but u truly feel at the minute with the way I'm acting, all down, lazy and miserable that they would truly have a better life if I wasn't in it. I really don't no what to do with myself and I'm scared to tell my husband I feel this way as his sister in law took her life several years back. I'm still waiting on my cbt. I might go back to the doctors as I'm scared feeling this way I'm forever looking at ways to kill myself and I'm considering it almost every minute of every day. Thanks for everyone's support it means a lot. I'm sorry for whining and moaning on here I'm sure everyone is fed up of me. Again I apologise :-(

[HealthAnxNut]

I'm so, so sorry hun. :( That is an awful feeling, nothing worse. You need some help. If you are considering it all day, you really do need to see someone about it ASAP. Don't worry about what anyone thinks about it - just get yourself the help you need. Your son NEEDS his Mommy in his life. He loves you unconditionally, and it would break his heart if you were not here. There would always be a void in his life if you did that. I know you don't want to leave him that way. I know because I wouldn't want to leave my son that way. It is far better for you to stay here with him. I am sending good thoughts your way right now!! xx

[sweetypie]

I've been extremely suicidal before as well. And it really feels like when you are that things are never going to get better. So I'm going to tell you that they are and that this is only temporary. You're not going to feel like my words are true right now, but I'll say them anyway. Think about all the good moments in life you will miss if you kill yourself. Like your son graduating from school and getting married and having grandkids someday.

I think it's very, very difficult to talk to a spouse about suicide. I encourage you to do so because from experience when I am talking about it, I am not doing it. Just don't get surprised if he gets really mad or something. I am engaged to a very gentle and loving man. About the only time he's ever gotten angry with me is when I have told him I was suicidal. He will yell at me very harshly. I've also tried to hurt myself before physically and he's caught me and held me down really hard because the idea of me being hurt, even by myself, very much upsets him. I doubt your husband won't care if you say you feel suicidal. He'll care very, very much, which is why he might get mad because he loves you so much and thinks you are so valuable. He'll want to help you!

If you can't tell him then just keep writing posts on here and calling suicide hotlines if you need to. It is hard to talk to love ones about these things, especially the darker the depression is.

You are strong and brave. Every day that you chose not to kill yourself with this depression proves that. You're valuable to the people in this world and your family would be miserable without you. We'd be sad if you killed yourself, too. We want you to stick around! I can tell by the amount of posts you have that you post on here and help people out with their anxiety/depression as well. You ARE doing things if you are helping people. You're changing the world!

[petrified]

Thanks so much I'm going to the doctors first thing but I'm embarrassed about it also feeling like this makes me feel pathetic and weak. I've been to the doctors so many times with my health anxiety I feel like I'm wasting there time. I even feel pathetic writing this as I feel like I'm constantly wasting people's time. I also might ring my talking therapies as I've been waiting months to speak to a therapist. All your advice and opinions are great and u really appreciate it. I really do hope this gets easier i hate feeling like this :-(

[tailspin]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this, Hannah!!! It is so obvious to everyone that you are a really lovely person!!!! Please don't beat yourself up like this! There is no need! You cannot help how you feel and your doctor is there to help you. It's his job!! So absolutely no need to feel embarrassed about going to see him again.

I'm really glad to hear you have an appointment with the doctor first thing tomorrow. I am so, so sorry you are feeling like this, Hannah. As the other posters have said, please hang on to the fact that these feelings are temporary and you will feel better again. And the bad feelings you are having about yourself are all part of the depression. They will pass too!

Also, I'm wondering if the Prozac could possibly be making things worse? I'm not sure how long you've been on it now, but I know there is a slight chance with all these anti-depressants that they can actually cause people to feel suicidal. So that could be playing a part. Definitely I hope you can talk to your doc about switching to something else.

We are all here for you and we are all rooting for you, Hannah!!! Please hang in there and don't lose hope! You will feel better again!! Hugs to you!!

[newzie]

I don't know you personally Petrified, but from being on these forums, I have grown to know your username and I would be awfully sad if you weren't around. Of course I want you to get back to 100% and never visit the forums again, but I wouldn't ever want you to do something bad to yourself.

We are part of the Sept. 2013 crowd and we are all going through very similar stuff, so you are not alone. It's never pathetic reaching out to other people, that's why we have family and friends, to help us in times of need and someday you can return the favor to them:)

Hang in there, it'll get better.

[petrified]

Hi tailspin I wonder if it related to my meds as I've never felt like this before. I've been in them nearly 4 weeks now. I'm also a bit happier as I had a phone call from talking therapies to let me no they have a cancellation for tomorrow so I can start my cbt. It's so strange they rang just when I need them most and was just saying on here that I was going to ring up tomorrow, but I'm hoping its going to help, even if its just by talking to stranger. So I've now got my doctors appointment at 9 and my cbt appointment at 1 hopefully by the end of tomorrow I will be feeling a little better. I just feel so disappointed in myself even having these thoughts and I just can't comprehend how I'm now having thoughts of ending my life, when just last month I was absolutely convinced I was going to drop down dead. Which totally terrified me :-( I absolutely hate this I must have done something pretty bad in a past life to be feeling the way I am right now :-(

[tailspin]

Hi tailspin I wonder if it related to my meds as I've never felt like this before. I've been in them nearly 4 weeks now. I'm also a bit happier as I had a phone call from talking therapies to let me no they have a cancellation for tomorrow so I can start my cbt. It's so strange they rang just when I need them most and was just saying on here that I was going to ring up tomorrow, but I'm hoping its going to help, even if its just by talking to stranger. So I've now got my doctors appointment at 9 and my cbt appointment at 1 hopefully by the end of tomorrow I will be feeling a little better. I just feel so disappointed in myself even having these thoughts and I just can't comprehend how I'm now having thoughts of ending my life, when just last month I was absolutely convinced I was going to drop down dead. Which totally terrified me :-( I absolutely hate this I must have done something pretty bad in a past life to be feeling the way I am right now :-(

Really glad to hear you got a call from the CBT place and that you can start tomorrow! Yay!! Perfect timing!!

I would definitely explore the possibility with your doctor that Prozac could actually be causing these distressing new feelings (or at least, making them worse). So glad you are getting some help soon, Hannah!! xxxxxx

[sweetypie]

Thanks so much I'm going to the doctors first thing but I'm embarrassed about it also feeling like this makes me feel pathetic and weak. I've been to the doctors so many times with my health anxiety I feel like I'm wasting there time. I even feel pathetic writing this as I feel like I'm constantly wasting people's time. I also might ring my talking therapies as I've been waiting months to speak to a therapist. All your advice and opinions are great and u really appreciate it. I really do hope this gets easier i hate feeling like this :-(

I understand. I get scared because I've been seeing a therapist for 6 months that she's going to get angry with me for not being better yet. I'm trying really hard, but it doesn't feel like enough.

I also get scared that things will never get better to varying degrees every day.

[petrified]

I understand. I get scared because I've been seeing a therapist for 6 months that she's going to get angry with me for not being better yet. I'm trying really hard, but it doesn't feel like enough.

I also get scared that things will never get better to varying degrees every day.

I think your therapist will totally understand there shouldn't be a time limit on it. You will get better in your own time and it's her job to help you. Hope your feeling better soon sweetypie :-)